Vin Diesel once used Lite Brite to send the UFOs from "Independence Day" text messages.
Vin Diesel is made of clay.
The real Vin Diesel has had a stunt-double do all of his movies and promotional work for him since 2002.  Why, you ask?  He's been developing a micro-bacteria with such a great decomposing capability that it could nearly eliminate the bio-harzardous risks associated with disposing of styrofoam and batteries.  Hollywood stars are such sellouts.
All Vin Diesel's NES games have vowels in their level passwords.
The only language he can not speak is English. All his voice work is over dubbed by James Earl Jones, but heavily modified by software to be unrecognizable. His lip movements are synched up via hand manipulation of the source film.
Vin Diesel can drink a packet of Swiss Miss chocolate mix and urinate a steaming cup of hot cocoa. Interestingly enough, this only works with the Swiss Miss brand, and is now one of their main selling points.
Vin Diesel has a baseball cap made entirely out of ham.
Vin Diesel invented Spanish, but not Spain.  Por que?  Porque he COULD.
Vin Diesel has solved all of history's greatest problems with ho-slappings and his unique ability to ejaculate anti-matter.
Vin Diesel, along with an obscure Muppet, birthed Derek Jeter. Derek, coincidentally, takes after his mother.
Vin Diesel once proclaimed "There can only be one!"
Vin Diesel will always exist as long as there is hatred in the hearts of men.
Vin Diesel was in fact responsible for the American public referring to Football as Soccer.
He has a secret crush on the girl next door and is too shy to ask her out.
Jesus could turn water into wine, Vin Diesel turns wine into water. His agent told him that this is a much greater ability, thus giving him roles in many succsessfull films and to often be refered as "the light of the party" in social happenings.
Vin Diesel actually created D&D to finance his plan to conquer network TV.
Vin Diesel downs each meal with a cupful of Tide detergent. It comes out clean and he never has to wipe because of it.
Vin Diesel is made entirely of second-generation particles, which may explain his strange charm.
Vin Diesel invented the peanut butter cup. He named it after his childhood dog, Reese.
Vin Diesel is slightly more soluble in water than most people.
Vin Diesel converted his liver into a black hole through sheer willpower.
If you whisper Vin Diesel's name to a newborn penguin, he will attempt to suckle your teat.
We are all but a part of a dream that Vin Diesel is having.
Vin Diesel explodes every Tuesday at 4:03 AM Eastern Time, only to reassemble himself from the scattered parts and frog DNA.
Vin Diesel built the entire continent of Atlantis out of Laffy Taffy, some snap bracelets, and a bedazzler.
Simple Plan was assembled by Vin Diesel as retribution for Darth Vader's creation of Linkin Park.
Vin Diesel was once asked if he believed in the idea of reincarnation. His response was simply "I used to be a plate of pancakes."
Vin Diesel landed on the moon and wrote his name in piss on the far side. He got off of the moon by jumping high enough he fell back into the Earth's gravitational pull. He landed on his feet in Bangladesh.
Vin Diesel has appreared in every single James Bond movie during the title sequence.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, Vin Diesel once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants.
Vin Diesel is currently working an internship with the Frank Gehry architecture partnership, he intends to play a key role in the design of the new King Alfred Swimming Pool complex in Brighton, England. On the opening night of the project he will secret himself at the bottom of the pool and drink the entire contents, along with any unwitting swimmers enjoying the new facilities. He says novice swimmers taste the best.
Vin Diesel has a black belt in pudding, which is not a martial art. He's just that good at it.
Vin Diesel wrote the book of Mormon because he wanted to beat up the people who thought it was real.
Vin Diesel plays "The King" in Burger King's Wake Up With The King TV commercials. He is paid in Angus beef.
Vin Diesel does not own a washer or dryer, but rather swallows his laundry load, and chases it with detergent. Then, he shits clean clothes, and burps bubbles.
Vin Diesel is said to exhale the strings that the string theory is based upon. This means that he infact created dimensions, and he is the key to entering other dimensions and alternate realities, but to do so would create a pandora's box which would consume all seamen in the world, this is called the 'Paris' effect.
Vin Diesel doesn't actually have bones or internal organs. Underneath his skin is another slightly smaller Vin Diesel and underneath that is yet another even smaller Vin Diesel. After the third layer his body is filled with rich, creamy nougat.
Vin Diesel invented fire when he farted in front of a group of cavemen and one of them was sitting too close.
Vin Diesel put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop. It was a grueling process that involved several eldritch rites, the sacrifice of nine six-fingered albinos, and a quarter cup of fat free peanut butter.
If Vin Diesel was a woman, his vagina would contain the teeth and jaw pressure of a full grown crocodile.
The Earth's rotation is caused by Vin Diesel's night terrors.
Vin Diesel resolved the Great Depression, invented vaccines and the internet, yet history will only remember him as "that guy from that xXx movie". He has since bitch-slapped history in public, many times.
He is one of last living Taoist Alchemean Sorcerers
Vin Diesel is actually an android controlled by a little balding British man named Basil.
Vin Diesel won control of the Universe after defeating God in a ladder match. He gave God control back after a week, but only out of pity... only out of pity.
Vin once seduced the Statue of Liberty, but her career got in the way of a lasting relationship.
Vin Diesel once ran out of alcohol, and tried drinking gasoline instead. He found it so delicious he singlehandedly caused the gas shortage of 1974.
Vin Diesel eats glass for the pure exhilaration.
Vin Diesel once invented a plane with no wings. He put wheels underneath it and called it a train.
Vin Diesel had absolutely nothing to do with the assassination of JFK, although he did enjoy the parade.
Vin Diesel farted near Hindenburg airship, and the rest is history.
Both Newton and Leibniz were inspired to create The Calculus when they witnessed Vin Diesels face on one of the many craters of the moon.
Vin Diesel once killed a man by flexing his biceps in his general direction.
Vin Diesel is the illegitimate lovechild of Bridget Fonda and Sammy Davis Jr.
He loves the gecko from the Geico ads, but hates the Aflac duck.
Vin Diesel once challenged the deceased corpse of Mahatma Gandhi to an arm wrestling match, and lost.
Vin Diesel is simultaneously the Lord of the Rings, the Lord of the Dance, and The Lord.
Vin Diesel is the inspiration for Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman.
In times of stress, Vin Diesel bursts into flames. He is then reborn from the ashes.
Vin Diesel once invaded Poland, claiming "What's popular isn't always Reich."
His real name is Mortimer Quincy Meriwether, Jr.
Vin Diesel plays the didgeridoo better than any other instrument.
Vin Diesel created the word "hello". Up until that point, people greeted each other with the word "schpadoinkle".
If you sacrifice a virgin to Vin Diesel, the next morning you will find tickets to a The Who concert on your doorstep. If you do not have a doorstep, then beware! He will come for you on the next full moon.
Vin Diesel revolutionized gynecology when he invented the speculum and wrote a series of papers laying down techniques and rules of conduct for the modern gynecologist.
Vin Diesel still plays with game gears.
Vin Diesel invented Manwich using meat he found in plastic bags behind Abortion clinics.
The classic pirate skull and crossbones symbol was modeled directly off of one of Vin Diesel's x-rays.
Vin Diesel is best known in Syria for coining the term "mooky-stinks" as a slang term for feces.
Vin Diesel once fixed Stephen Hawking's body. Then Hawking tried to take over the world but Vin Diesel broke Hawking's body again after defeating him in Scrabble.
Vin Diesel Once walked up the empire state building using chakra gathered into the soles of his feet.
UPS doesn't use trucks. Instead the drivers ride on the back of Vin Diesel's children and deliver packages.
Vin Diesel dyslexia from suffers.
Vin Diesel is the only man to have safely fallen from 20,000 feet without a parachute - the Hand of God appeared to catch him before he hit the ground, afterwards God appologised for leaving it so late, but Vin forgave him anyway.
A world tour once constructed a stage out of a revolving Vin Diesel and took it on over to Bon Jovi's house.
Vin Diesel predicted the holocaust but did absolutely nothing about it.
Vin Diesel is the man behind the scenes of the Winneshiek County Fairground Board and the Winneshiek County Agricultrual Association.
Vin Diesel's first acting role was as Mr. Ed, who originally was a serpent who solved crimes. Mid-season rewrites changed his character to a talking horse.
Vin Diesel once dug a hole to China, where he ate Chairman Mao.
Du hast ihn gefragt, und Vin Diesel hat nichts gesagt.
Vin Diesel can type 783 words per minute with no errors, and perfect grammar.
Vin Diesel invented Irish dancing during the brief period when it was his fetish to staple women's arms to their torsos during sex.
After losing an interior decorating prize to Vin Diesel, Jet Li became irritated and challenged Vin to battle. Mr. Li was swallowed whole and is now lodged someplace within Vin Diesel's ribcage.
Vin Diesel taught the Fonz how to do that feigned slap thing.
Vin Diesel writes columns for an online comedic webpage, under the alias Lowtax.
When within a 7 foot radius of Vin Diesel, you are actually standing on sovereign Guatemalan territory.
Vin Diesel belongs to a religious sect that believes that cameras can steal your soul, and as a result he refuses to stand in front of a camera. All photographs and films of him are not actually of him, but an animatronic wax replica programmed to mimic his every move. During the filming of Pitch Black the replica ran amok and slew two thirds of the cast, before the real Vin was able reprogram it using his exceptional x86 assembler skills. Unfortunately, the new program was too benevolent for Vin's action packed roles, so that particular wax replica was retired from movie making and went on to become Mother Theresa.
Vin Diesel believed himself to be cursed with the same fate as the infamous Oedipus. He then decided to kill his mother and rape his father, just to show fate what's what.
Vin Diesel killed Kenny.  He is a bastard.
He refuses to drive anything but "10 second" cars
He is Dr. Dre's father and intended him to be a bus driver but Dr. Dre didn't do that.
Fidel Castro has actually been dead for years. Vin Diesel has been impersonating him to ensure the survival of Communism.
Vin Diesel is hope itself!
Vin Diesel had sex with a cardboard box on a bet. The box got pregnant and later had a child. That child was Kevin Eubanks.
Vin Diesel cured Socrates' premature ejaculation problem simply with a quick thwack to the scrotum and a slight tug of the uvula.
Vin Diesel gave dolphins the gift of intelligence.
Vin Diesel can reproduce asexually, by mitosis.
Vin Diesel channeled linergy ten thousand years ago and the resulting causal collapse made it possible for Bill Laimbeer to run and chew gum at the same time
Vin Diesel and his many supernatural adventures were the basis for the comic book Hellboy.
Vin Diesel will die if he ever comes into contact with cheese.
Vin Diesel coined the phrase "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!"  When Bruce Willis stole it from him, Vin Diesel killed him with a poison-arrow frog.  This is the prologue to The Sixth Sense.
Vin Diesel being cast as the voice of the giant in “The Iron Giant” was no coincidence. The movie was based on his life as an Iron Giant.
God refuses to give Vin Diesel a soul until Vin Diesel gives back God's underwear.
Vin Diesel is a son of a bitch- literally. He was born between an unholy mating of Zeus and a wolf bitch, brought up with six wolf brothers, and consumed them and his mother in order to survive a frigid Grecian winter. He later formed Rome with the help of his cousins, Romulus and Remus.
Vin Diesel has a spinning bowtie that automatically propells him when he wears rollerskates, but he'll kill you if you see him do it.
Vin Diesel once locked himself in a bathroom for sixteen years, crying.
Vin is opposed to the holiday of chanukah. He would end it, but he likes playing with dradles.
Vin Diesel can be linked to Kevin Bacon in 0 degrees, despite not being Kevin Bacon.
Vin Diesel use time travel to go back in time and led the Huns to victory against Mulan and her lesbian lover Margaret Thatcher.
Vin Diesel is the sole surviving Spartan of Thermopylae
Vin Diesel created the beloved character Mary Poppins. She is loosely based on Vin's own life, except his body count was a LOT higher.
When Vin Diesel coughs, people in a three foot radius lose their memories of who they are and where they are going.
He shaves his hair and donates it to the poorer countries as its made of gold.
The word "hello" is a dreadful insult in Vin Diesel's native language, to which he always responds with "hi", another terrible insult. During these exchanges, the unsuspecting interlocutors mistake the burning hatred in Diesel's eyes for attentiveness.
If one pulls really hard on Vin Diesel's left arm, his eyes begin rolling really quickly and he has a 50% chance of vomiting assorted coins. He hates it when people do this to him.
Vin Diesel once used a 3 year old child as a baseball bat during softball practice. That child was Bjork.
Vin Diesel shot the sheriff, but he did not shoot the deputy; he ate him alive instead.
Most men's nipples have no real function, but Vin Diesel's are hard enough to cut through virtually all substances, he uses them to shape diamonds, but only those over 3 carats
Vin Diesel's diet consists solely of protein bars and cat tails.
After reading an article about the Frenchman who eats bicycles and household appliances in a children's "fun facts" book, Vin threw the book to the ground, screamed "That fucking pussy ain't worth shit," and proceeded to eat everything in his mansion, including (but not limited to: ) two Porsches, a Ducati motorcycle, a 60" plasma screen TV, four maids (two Puerto Rican, one caucasian, and one Chinese,) half a stick of butter, and a box full of broken glass. He then ate the house itself, "for good measure." This all occured over a three-day period last July.
Vin Diesel is banned from World of Warcraft because he once put fourty thousand copper chain pants in separate auctions. Every one was sold, but the server load caused the entire cluster to go down for over a week.
Vin Diesel once performed an emergency appendectomy on Josef Stalin, and as a token of his gratitude, Stalin gave Vin a +30% resistance to cold so they could meet at his Russian beachhouse safely.
Vin Diesel inhales oxygen and exhales black holes.
Vin Diesel showers in heavy water on Mondays and Wednesdays, liquefied comic strips from the 50's on Tuesdays and mercury on Thursday through Saturday. He just uses this body toothpaste on Sundays.
Vin Diesel was once part of the varangian guard of the Byzantine emperor, but he left to focus on his acting career, causing the fall of Constantinople.
Jesus was baptized by John the Baptist who was first baptized by Vin Diesel. Purposefully holding him underwater, Diesel didn't relent until John acknowledged the suppression of the Sacred Feminine in Hebrew mysticism. He then crashed the Garden of Eden where he ghosted Adam and wore the Serpent as a retro-cool pimp belt. Afterwards, he renamed all the animals species using only anagrams of the letters G, A and R. He later pitched to Jesus a remake of "Guys and Dolls" with the Archangel Michael as Nathan Detroit and Satan as Big Jule. Vin Diesel and Jesus composed the song "Convoy" to pad out the third act.
Vin Diesel is actually made up of four separate men, joined with cables and a complicated mirror arrangement.
Vin Diesel once played a prank on Mother Teresa by killing her.
Vin Diesel was the original teacher of Socrates, who then taught Plato, who then taught Aristotle, who then taught Alexander the Great, who then penisslapped Colin Ferrel.
Vin Diesel is actually a composite life form made up of millions of microscopic polyps.
"Vin Diesel had a little lamb/Little lamb little lamb/Vin Diesel had a little lamb/Its fleece was hard as hell" -last transmission from U-1226.
As evidenced in this thread, the entire subterranean chamber industry of Nebraska relies solely on Vin Diesel for all revenue.
Richard Wagner wrote several of his operas about the life of Vin Diesel, most notably The Diesel Motor-Cycle and The Dieseldammerung.
Has the Powerpuff Girls tattooed on his ass.
Vin Diesel is the most powerful wizard known to man, but can be defeated by flushing him down the toilet.
Vin Diesel is a god in a distant galaxy and will take all those who believe in his godhood to rule distant planets and will grant them immortality.
He once lived in Tucson Arizona's "world's largest ham sandwich".
J.D. Salinger once wrote Vin Diesel a note saying, "Do you like me? Yes O No O (Mark the circle)".  When Vin Diesel checked the "No" circle, Salinger was so embarrassed that he became a recluse.  He has not published a book since, though he writes Vin Diesel and the Dalai Lama friendly letters every Tuesday.
Vin Diesel once challenged James Polk to a race around the world.
In 1999, after mainlining 12 grams of Fentanyl at Robert Evans house, he ate Carson Daly on a dare. He passed him out as explosive diarrhea punctuated by occasional chunks of sinew and bone. Carson Daly's first words upon re-emerging? "Thank you."
Vin Diesel can count to infinity, and beyond
Vin Diesel already created a cure for AIDS; if only he could read and write.
Vin Diesel, along with Jesus, John the Raptist, and Notorious G.O.D. were a popular rap group in ancient Israel.
If Vin Diesel warns you on AOL instant messenger once, it hurts emotionally. If he has to warn you again, it may hurt physically.
Rock legend Bruce Springsteen has a longstanding restraining order out against Vin Diesel's mother, stemming from a 1977 incident involving a scuffle over the purchase of white tank tops in a New Jersey Sav-Mor.
Vin Diesel is a blood brother of Odin. He earned this status by saving Thor from a posse of Ice Giants in Jotunheim.
Vin Diesel starred as The Rock in "Vin Diesel 2: The Rock", by the makers of "The Rock's Story: Vin Diesel".
Billie Jean is not Vin Diesel's lover. She's just a girl who claims that he is the one, but the kid is not his son.
Vin Diesel was circumsized for the sole reason of using his detached foreskin as tarp for rain delays at Ebbett's Field.
Vin Diesel's mother used to pack him TWO Lunchables.
Vin Diesel's name actually inspired the naming of diesel fuel, not the other way around.
Vin Diesel wrote all of the content found on GameFAQs.com
Vin Diesel was present at the fail of the Berlin wall as a roadie for David Hasslehoff.
Vin Diesel's favorite candy bar isn't a candy bar at all - it's Willy Wonka's Laffy Taffy!
Disguised himself as Ray Romano and did an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. The producers have been sworn to secrecy on the actual episode he appeared.
For every Vin Diesel there is an opposite Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel heard about this and promptly destroyed his opposite self. This created a paradox that unraveled the space-time continuum. Consequently, we are currently living inside Vin Diesel's imagination.
Vin Diesel generates a gravitational field powerful enough to repel most meteorites.
The Vatican rejected "The Gospel According to Vin Diesel" for the first edition of the New Testament, as at 37 pages it was 2 pages too long.  Saint Diesel refused to shorten his account crying, "YOU CANNOT CENSOR THE TRUTH!"
I saw Vin Diesel buying a hip flask once, and was unable to move any muscle in my body for 37 hours. I was lucky - people have died just from being in his presence.
Vin Diesel created and recorded the theme to Muppet Babies.
Vin Diesel once ate the country of Zaire for breakfast. Afterwards, he had terrible indigestion and shit out the Falkland Islands.
Vin Diesel's alter-ego is Jessica Simpson
Vin Diesel walked the entire length of the Oregon Trail three times over the course of two months in 1877.  He only had to stop to hunt once even though he had dysentary three times.  His personal jounal from the trip was the artistic inspiration of every single speech ever given by John F. Kennedy and all of the songs of Hootie and the Blowfish (including the song Hootie sings in that Burger King commercial).
The odds of experiencing an encounter with the elusive Vin Diesel are approximately 52,932,018,490,314 to 1…  If you are lucky enough to see him; you will experience 10 seconds of good fortune until you are brutally devoured by Vin’s mind...  Yes he can eat you with his mind because he is that awesome.
Vin Diesel believes in the heart of the cards.
Vin Diesel is better known throughout the universe as the Silver Surfer. Galactus is better known on Earth as Bill Gates.
Taking advice from his good friend Mike Tyson, Vin Diesel actually ate Lennox Lewis' children.
Before the construction of the CERN particle accelerator Vin Diesel was employed to split subatomic particles by hurling them at a specially reinforced brick wall.
Vin Diesel has the power to do something twice a week also...but he's not saying what!
Despite his rugged, masculine looks; Vin Diesel is actually a woman.
He can bite through 2-inch thick cable like Jaws from Moonraker.
The name 'Vin' comes from the latin meaning of 'he who has fucking awesomeness'. The name Diesel comes from a McDonalds happy meal toy of the hamburglar and means 'made in South Korea'.
Vin Diesel has actually shits bricks, which in turn create element withstanding structures such as office buildings and parking ramps.
He teaches a Freshman English class on the weekends, despite the fact his students shouldn't even be in school on those days.
Vin Diesel single-handedly saved everyone on the Titanic. As it happened in the real story, the Titanic hit the iceberg but only to determine the beginning of a new life full of hope for everybody!!
He is his own branch of the US Military.
Vin Diesel made a sextape with Paris Hilton on her Sidekick. He later hacked into it, deleted the sextape, and distributed the rest of her information online.
Vin Diesel invented the modern toilet.
Vin Diesel's name in Old English is Vyn Dysle, which roughly translated to modern English makes up the lyrics to "Jesus Loves Me".
He only get his news from E!
Vin Diesel can roll a 25.7 on a 20-sided die, but chooses not to in order to keep things fair.
After a grueling 47 day battle with Walt Disney, Vin Diesel finally beat him at rock, paper, scissors and thus froze Disney solid. Disney's frozen body is now on display at Vin Diesel's fortress of badassitude.
Despite being hairless, biologists believe Vin Diesel to be a mammal.
It was Vin Diesel...in the billiards room...with the candlestick.
Vin Diesel is the SI unit used to measure fear.
“Honey, I Shrunk the Kids” was based on Vin Diesel’s tinkerings with his shrink ray.
Vin Diesel invented the wheel. Twice.
The reason earthlings never have, and never will colonize Mars, is because Vin Diesel has claimed it for himself.
Vin Diesel is the source for the legend of the Loch Ness Monster.
When told there was a random fact site about him, Vin Diesel smiled, laughed a bit, then ascended into the sky, kinda like Jesus but better.
Vin Diesel's semen is the source of all life. That is to say, when he ejaculates, he creates a new galaxy. This is how the 'Milky Way' came to be.
Vin Diesel never sleeps, he only switches to the other "half" of his brain every twelve hours.
Vin Diesel once constructed a revolving stage out of Bon Jovi and took it on a world tour.
Vin Diesel is best known as "Duke Nukem" from the award winning anime series "Captain Planet."
Vin Diesel created Earth as an expansion pack to Command & Conquer.
Vin Diesel has no addictions, except that of a jelly donut every Sunday after Mass; which he only attends for the "funny stories".
Vin Diesel hasn't eaten sand since Christmas Day, 1987.
Barq's root beer has oft been called "the one with bite", and thus far Vin Diesel is the only known being to have successfully bitten it back.
Contrary to popular belief, Vin Diesel's balls cannot be used as a life raft. They can however be used as a sea anchor for large cruise ships.
Vin Diesel's nightsweats caused Noah's Flood.
Vin Diesel has been heard claiming to be "teh 1337 HaXxoR".
Vin Diesel has secretly been every Pope the last 350 years, with the exception of Pope John Paul II (who was actually John Cusack).
Vin was the only one who sucessfully put humpty dumpty back together again.
There were only three survivors of the Andromeda strain exposure in Piedmont, New Mexico; an infant, an elderly man, and Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel once had cancer, but he coughed out the tumor and then used it to butter his bread.
Vin Diesel discovered Australia on his way to the bathroom.
Vin Diesel is powered by the tears of the Chupakabra.
Vin Diesel feasts on the blood of little children to gain more power.
Peanuts are allergic to Vin Diesel.
When Vin Diesel is bored he farts into a pool of water which then attracts stray cats and ironically stray dogs, then he watches them fight to the death, he likes it best when the dogs win and celebrates their victory by eating a guitar
Invented the post-it note but gave the credit to 3M.
There were originally only 23 letters in the alphabet but Vin does not like that number so he invented G, P, and W. He also changed the way the letter Y was first pronounced.
Vin Diesel's scalp is made of an unknown radioactive substance.
Vin Diesel spelt backwards is "Awesome"
Vin Diesel has been shot twelve times in the back and skull with a .45 magnum rifle and walked it off.
Every time Vin Diesel masturbates, god creates a kitten.
Vin Diesel can only be killed by a child born of strife on the summer solstice.
Vin Diesel is actually a psychological defect in the brains of every human being on the planet and does not actually exist.
Vin Diesel has a LED read-out on his chest that describes THE FUTURE!!!
Taking a picture of Vin Diesel's penis is the key to immortality. Take a picture of the wrong one however, and he will take yours and add it to himself. Unless you're a girl. Then he'll make you one and take yours.
Vin Diesel once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. Then he re-animated that man as a zombie, challenged him to a game of horseshoes, and  totally kicked his ass.
He scuttles Carnival cruise ships on his free time.
Light cannot escape black holes; but Vin Diesel can.
Vin Diesel was the person screaming when Boba Fett died.
Vin Diesel had a colonic once; the result was the Statue of Liberty. I tasted this liberty, and it was good.
Vin Diesel has a twin brother named Evil Denis. He is actually quite nice; its just that their parents were fond of anagrams.
He claims his one true love is Rosie O'Donnell.
Vin Diesel does not believe in surround-sound speakers.
He is the heir to the Quaker Oats fortune.
Have you ever danced with Vin Diesel in the pale moonlight?  Vin Diesel has.
The final digit of Pi is Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel attributes his popularity to the fact that he is a cunning linguist.
Vin Diesel found Sadam first, and was just keeping him in that hole to preserve freshness.
Vin Diesel only has to use training wheels on long bike trips. In fact, Vin diesel had to use training wheels until he was 24. Those training wheels were later found in the vault beneath Ground Zero after the planes hit. They were sold in order to feed seven thousand homeless kittens so the kittens could in turn be used to feed three thousand homeless children. Vin Diesel later ate the children and was quoted as saying "They were tasty."
Vin Diesel was originally born as Sean Connery, but since there can only be one Highlander he instead named himself after Sean's penis.
His toenails are the main supply of fuel in Guatemala.
Vin Diesel's right eye is in fact the Sun. Every time he blinks it causes an total solar eclipse. Luckily he only fully blinks ten times per millennium
Vin Diesel created all the world religions, once his eyes tired of nude cave paintings.
Vin Diesel was taught to play the spoons by a reclusive and grizzled Chevy Chase.
Vin Diesel actually runs on gasoline. Originally he was called Vin V8, but the vegetable juice people sued him.
Vin Diesel was behind Franz Ferdinand's assassination in June 1914, thus starting Wolrd War 1. He claims it on "having a shitty morning".
Vin Diesel has spent the last three months in the final stages of fabrication of his newly engineered color.  He calls it CLEAR.
While outlandish conspiracy theories may suggest he was involved in fixing of the 1944 elections this is at best a half-truth.
The word "wank" is onomatopoetic, based on the sound of Vin Diesel masturbating.
Vin Diesel can hire ninjas to kill the assassins he hired to kill you. Then he can kill the ninjas with his bare hands. He already did this two years ago, you just never knew about it because he's that good.
Vin Diesel has an extra bone in his right ring finger that is actually the phylactery of an ancient powerful lich. If he tries to play the flute, the bone will vibrate in such a way as to cause time to flow backwards until he stops.
When Cain slew Abel, Vin wanted to intervene, but he was busy breaking apart Pangaea at the time.
Vin Diesel created the Strait Of Gibraltar whilst arm-wrestling with the Iberian peninsula.
Vin Diesel eats an entire huckleberry pie for breakfast every morning.
Vin Diesel feels your pain, all pain in fact, at all times, and so he travels the world in search of a way to end man's pain
Vin can perform autofellation, but only willingly does so after consuming the flesh of virgins who, have themselves, consumed pineabble tidbits.
Vin Diesel is responsible for the clanging drums in St. Anger. He called Lars Ulrich a pussy and made him cry.
Vin Diesel has been reincarnated at least twenty times in near-identical bodies.
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice announced that it would be possible to fight two wars at once. Incidentally, Vin Diesel announced that he could fight two whores at once.
Vin Diesel was born during the 13th minute of the thirteenth hour of the thirteenth day of the thirteenth month in 13 BC.
You cannot kill Vin Diesel, you can merely put him into stasis. You do this by chopping off his head and placing it in a bag made of raw silk. The silk bag prevents the head from growing legs and reuniting with the body. He shaves his head to prevent his enemies (which are numerous) from having hair to grab onto, making decapitation by sword more difficult.
There was a time when the forests of Europe were so dense and omnipresent that Vin Diesel could travel from one extreme of the continent to the other jumping from treetop to treetop, never touching ground. Now he is forced to rely on his trusty flying dragon sidekick, Fujur.
Vin Diesel framed Roger Rabbit.
When no one was looking, Vin Diesel sped up the Earth's rotation so it would be exactly twenty-four hours.
If you look in the mirror and say, �Vin Diesel� out loud three times, he will appear. Really. Try it. If he doesn�t appear, take it as a personal rejection. You must have done something very bad in Vin Diesel�s sight.
Vin Diesel is responsible for the musical careers of the Beatles, the Ramones, Run DMC, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, and Pink Floyd. Nirvana's success can be attributed to archrival Bruce Willis, while the Doors are purely machines, bred of Satan and fed with only the purest virgin blood.
Vin Diesel actually wrote the Terminator as an expression of the inner-struggle within himself. This form of expression was suggested by his pyschiatrist: Vin Diesel.
When Vin Diesel traveled through time to the year 3010, he fought the evil robot king and saved the human race again.
Vin Diesel was the culprit who ate Gilbert Grape. He would later describe the experience as “Similar in texture to panda meat , but not without its charms.”
Vin Diesel can see in the dark, but only by making a high pitched squeal, and feeling the vibrations of it reflecting off of other surface, like bats.
Vin Diesel has won the international potato sack skateboarding consecutively for the last 7 years, stealing the crown from the previous holder, Tom selleck. In 1998, Vin pioneered the 'inverted tater bag head back flip', which involves removing the sack and placing it over your head, while simultaneously standing on your head on the board and back flipping, a move that was taught to him by his master, Mr. Selleck, who could not actually complete the manuver himself. Selleck was so crushed that his apprentice had finally reached a level higher than himself that he swore never to potatosack skateboard again, and is now the leader of an anti potatosack skateboarding cult in Northwest Belgium.
He can run on water, but prefers to jog, for hours on end. During these jogging excursion he has a tendency to sweat profusely. In fact, in 6 of the 7 oceans, his sweat composes over 50% of the fluid. The only ocean containing no sweat from Vin is the Indian Ocean, because Vin was banned from India after attempting to assassinate Gandhi.
Vin Diesel wrote a book titled, "Life: How to Live". He has several hundred copies printed and locked in a closet.
He has a secret trap-door under every rug in his home which he'll use to Shanghai people into becomming his own personal servants. Follow Up: He has 217 servants.
The song 'Paranoid Android' by Radiohead was inspired by a conversation with Vin Diesel.
Congress gave Vin Diesel final say on pulling the plug on Terri Shiavo. He decided to do it because plug pulling is more extreme than tube feeding.
by George Washington, who worship his every move.
Vin Diesel played hockey in high school but opposing teams made him strip down to his undies as an handicap. He still won most of the games until his momma figured what he really did every thursday evening.
Vin Diesel was concentrated so hard, that it caused Tootie from "The Facts of Life" to spontaneously combust.
Vin Diesel was the inspiration for Captain Planet.
Vin Diesel invented "diarrhea free" taco's but the Government refuses to allow him to market then.
Vin Diesel is the founding member of The National Bank of Scotland.
After completing a hard-fought game of Risk against, well, himself, Vin Diesel likes nothing better than to pick up a skipping rope and work himself up to a light pace of 5,378 skips per second. He can also slow down his heart rate to one heart beat every February 28th � that�s slower than it takes Jeff Goldblum to complete a sentence.
Vin Diesel has been operating as a commando for the US government in it's subterranian war against the Hyperborean-Lizard Man alliance.
COQ AU VIN DIESEL
Both Lee Harvey Oswald and Vin Diesel killed JFK. Oswald fired Vin Diesel out of his rifle. Vin penetrated JFK's head then exploded.
Vin Diesel breeds Tamagochi's for the rich as a second job.
A famous linguist once said that of all the phrases in the English language, of all the endless combinations of words in all of history, that Vin Diesel is the most beautiful.
Vin Diesel once saved the planet from an intergalactic menace by winning a Street Fighter II tournament. His opponent, a troglodyte the size of Lo hitsand all the colors of the rainbow, went brain-dead after eleven hours of fierce arcade combat. His last words, roughly translated, were: "The control...".
Vin Diesel ate his way from England to France to lay the groundwork for the Chunnel.
Vin Diesel's sons are John Wayne Gacy, Jeffrey Dahmer, Ed Gein, and Cher.  This is why it is against the law in 49 states for Vin to reproduce.  The only state that allows it is Alabama.  This is because Vin saved Alabama from certain destruction, however, the details have not been released to the public and there is only speculation at this point.
Vin Diesel writes crime novels under the assumed name Ian Rankin.  The real Ian Rankin is a male prostitute whom Vin cured of Syphilis with his magic touch.
It has been proposed by some people that Vin Diesel may not actually exist, and is simply a myth told to children to keep them in line. The reason these allegations are not well known is due to the fact that everyone who makes such allegations is found nude in a field with their skin removed and replaced by "Keep on Trucking!" bumper stickers.
He has a 7th sense.
Scientists have toiled for years in an attempt to synthesise Vin Diesel. Though they  have always failed to accomplish their goal, this process has led towards the accidental discovery of wireless phones, post-it notes, candy floss, packing peanuts, DVD technology and MTV2.
In 1996 Vin Diesel won a hotdog eating contest in Decatur, Georgia despite actually being on a fishing boat off Nova Scotia.
He refuses to eat mushrooms because they are like brothers to him. If you eat a mushroom in his presence he will stare coldly at you all night.
Vin Diesel once attempted to out-rock Jon Bon Jovi, only to get so out-rocked that he turned into a singularity.
Axe Deodorant Spray is made entirely out of Vin Diesel's natural pheromones and a pinch of chili powder.
After going back in time to single-handedly lead the Greek army to victory at the Battle of Thermopylae, Vin Diesel corraled all the remaining Persian soldiers into a straight line and impaled them all through the gut with his enormous penis. He then used their corpses to kick around the disembodied heads littering the battlefield, thus inventing the sport of foosball.
Vin Diesel has a seat on the United Nations Security Council; despite not being a sovereign nation.
At one point Vin Diesel was so popular in Holland that local merchants accepted him as a standard form of currency. And this was before they legalized marijuana!
Robert Louis Stevenson consulted Vin Diesel many times during the writing of his timeless classic "Treasure Island," as Vin Diesel himself owned and operated the real-life Admiral Benbow Inn where much of the story's action unfolds.
Vin Diesel is responsible for Alaska being part of the United States.  William H. Seward, who purchased Alaska from Russia, is actually a pseudonym Vin Diesel uses when writing coming of age novels set in the scenic Mississippi Delta.  When some called Alaska "Seward's Folly", he personally lugged oil reserves out of the Middle East and buried them under the countryside, creating the entire Alaskan oil reserve.  He really showed those critics.
Vin Diesel once drank an entire keg of lemonade with his penis. Just to prove he could do it.
Vin Diesel is actually an ancient red dragon in human form.
Before modifications by Vin, computer keyboards did not include the letters, J, and T or the number 7.
Vin Diesel drinks a gallon of Jolt each hour on the hour.
Vin Diesel likes to walk around with his penis pushed back between his legs. He calls it his Vin-gina.
If you look Vin Diesel directly in the eye, you will see what you most desire, and then he will produce it from his magic sack he carries with him constantly. This is how I have an endless supply of donuts. Thank you, Vin Diesel!
When a struggling actor without a penny to his name, Vin referred to himself as Star-Vin hoping that food and good fortune would arrive together.
Vin Diesel pays a homeless man to shovel hundred dollar bills into a furnace for him.
The Inuit tribe of North America has 37 words for Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel single-handedly cured Lance Armstrong of cance. He was especially proud of his work with the testicles.
Vin Diesel is currently building a time machine that can actively age or de-age most processed meat products. A salsa version will be made available at the start of the next fiscal year, but will only be available through the McFarlane Collector's Club
Vin Diesel once wrote a song, but knew better than to think anyone would like the idea of stones rolling.
No Doubt’s “Just a Girl” is loosely based on Vin Diesel’s career as a girl.
The universe was created when Vin Diesel punched god in the face. This event was later named the big bang theory.
The movie The Chronicles of Riddick is actually a heavily altered version of a piece of Megaman X3 fanfiction Vin Diesel wrote called "Mavericks On Tour," in which the eight bosses from the game formed a rock band and played around the world. The character of Riddick is based on Crush Crawfish.
Vin Diesel once donated his left bicep to the Republic of Congo.  The reason for this still eludes all analysts, and the entire population of the Republic of Congo, but they are nonetheless very thankful for this generous gift.
Vin Diesel was first to discover America when he decided to take a swim after a wild night in a British pub.
Vin Diesel wrote all of Iggy Pop's songs and gave him tips on stage presence.
Vin Diesel is a cool dude.
Vin Diesel created both Mac and PC. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs are just hand puppets he uses. The whole thing is just to entertain him as he wistfully wishes for a much simpler time of pirate dinosaurs and flying pyramids manned by busty Nympho Amazonians.
Vin Diesel has a penis at the end of his toenail
Vin Diesel does not have opposable thumbs, He does, however, have a prehensile tail.
Vin Diesel keeps his separated Siamese brother in a vault buried 612 miles under Volgagrad.
Vin Diesel once took a shit, lasting for 40 days and 40 nights. Thus, G�rard Depardieu was born.
Vin Diesel stole my frog. Him name is Hopkin Green Frog.
Vin Diesel is neither right or left handed, but middle.
Vin Diesel was born at ground zero of the Trinity site, where the world's first atomic bomb was detonated. Upon his birth, he was quoted as saying "I am become death, destroyer of worlds."
Ironically enough, he created the temporal paradox that threatens his own existence.
Vin Diesel once performed a one-man show version of the Mortal Kombat movie.
Vin Diesel ended World War II by calling Hitler in his bunker and demanding that he kill himself.
In space, Vin Diesel can hear you scream.
Vin Diesel will dissolve in a pool of green goo if someone ever pronounces the word "numinous" in front of him. That's why he has repeatedly refused to star in any adaptation of Lovecraft's work.
The United States government once hired Vin to sabotage all the nuclear arsenals of every other nation in the world. Unfortunately, he failed, but the documentation of the events served as the major inspiration for the motion picture "New York Minute" starring the Olsen Twins.
Vin Diesel drinks the blood of Virgins with a slight hint of Paprika.
Coq au Vin used to be the French name for chicken stew. Ever since Vin Diesel's movies premiered in France, it has taken on a very different meaning, but the French people love it more than ever.
Vin Diesel wrote the guitar riff for smells like teen spirit but gave it to Kurt Cobain as a gift because he "felt bad for the little guy."
When Vin Diesel sneezes there are storms around the world. Vin Diesel wrote the chaos theory to explain this.
Vin Diesel has never tasted a lime and chooses not to.
The Inuits refer to Vin Diesel as “Kingmitokvik,” which translated into English means, “the place where dogs are kept.”
Vin Diesel patented the use of subtle hints.
Saying the words "MOLAKUM, VORADEUS, GLORKANO!" will turn his skin bright green for 20 minutes. You can do this up to 6 times a day.
Vin Diesel once bred a pug and a monkey. The result was Clint Eastwood.
He is seventh in line for the throne of Japan.
Vin Diesel can photosynthesize. This is a great trick for parties, but he can sometimes be a bit of an attention whore, overusing this ability thus making it tired and boring after a while.
If you examine all the pictures of him carefully, you will find that he has three facial moles that are always in different places.
If Man is 5, then The Devil is 6. And if The Devil is 6, then God is 7. And if God is 7, then Vin Diesel is 11.
Seismology is the study of Vin Diesel's masturbation habits.
Vin Diesel challenged Jesus to a race across the Atlantic and would have won had he not been eaten by a giant whale. After he murdered it to death from the inside, he emerged in the South Pacific and found the island from Lost, and rescued everybody.
Vin Diesel is the link between fission and fusion.
Vin Diesel is so tough, he doesn�t have a sleep number.
Vin Diesel Once ate seven orangutans after losing a game of Go Fish to Jesus.
Vin Diesel's autobiography, has been recently updated to v3.6b
Anyone who is found to be extremely attractive has had cocaine snorted off of their taint by Vin Diesel.
He doesn't actually walk anywhere, rather his feet hover a millimeter off the ground.
Vin Diesel has written several Star Trek scripts to the producers of the show. Reportedly, Gene Roddenbury's favorite episode was written by Vin Diesel and filmed, but never aired due to Spock's gratuitous use of the phrase 'To the Xtreme!!'
Vin Diesel wears a special suit made of fiberglass, cheese, Clerks Inaction Figures and old Rush CDs just to clip his toenails.
Vin Diesel solved Fermat's Last Theorem with just a slide rule, but will not show the proof to anyone unless they beat him at a thumb wrestle. Tony Danza was the only man to ever beat Diesel and get the information.
Vin Diesel watched his parents murdered before his eyes in a back alley in Gotham City.  The event stole his childhood and he chose to fight back against those who bring harm to others. Criminals are a cowardly and superstitious lot, so Vin Diesel chose to look like a bat.
According to Diesel, all animals look that much sexier if you put them in a thong.
Vin Diesel may or may not be a freight train.
Vin Diesel once had to choose between saving a baby or the baby's mother from a burning house. Since it wouldn't have been fair to choose, he instead cooked a BLT and peppered the sandwich with their ashes.
Will Smith once said, "I got to get me one of these." Vin Diesel does in fact have one of those.
Vin Diesel invented Snapple.
Vin Diesel was actually the first to discover America but didn't want to take credit for discovering a country where slavery was the main institution.
Inside of his head he has a swirling vortex of pure energy that burns with the intensity of 12 suns.
Vin Diesel's blood is so oxygenated, that to get a blood transfusion from him allows you to stay alive underwater for hours without breathing.
Vin Diesel invented the dirty sanchez one dark night in Tangier, but only after several hundred failed attempts that have left a hundreds of Mexican women "mutilated, but comedically so."
Vin Diesel consumed Royce Gracie's fighting spirit.  He also stole Ryan Gracie's fighting spirit but sold it on Ebay for $3.25.
There is enough electricity in Vin Diesel to power a Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel was originally cast to play a troubled teenager who moves to Beverly Hills to get a fresh start.  The role later went to Will Smith.
Vin Diesel is the fifth Ninja Turtle.
Vin Diesel's scrotum was torn off by an angry tyrannosaurus on his last expedition to Africa in 1984. It was replaced by skin from the tyrannosaurus' leg, which Vin ripped off with his bare hands, and his testicles were replaced by radioactive remains from Fat Man and Little Boy, the bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. This also explains why Japanese people are extremely anxious around him.
Vin Diesel�s first words were, �On a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, I sat on a throne of blood! What was will be! What is will be no more! Now is the season of evil!�
Vin Diesel can communicate with fruit, he says apples scream the loudest
Vin Diesel drives a 1992 Geo Metro with a 2002 Dodge Viper engine.
Vin Diesel has recently been reported to be the prime suspect in the murders of Frank Purdue, The Pope and Mitch Hedberg
He sleeps on 35 mattresses
Vin Diesel injected hot solder into his blood stream when auditioning for the role of Wolverine in the movie X-Men.
Vin Diesel challenged everyone in the sub-continent of India to an arm-wrestling match. After humiliating that nation's finest arm wrestling warriors, an Indian holy man placed a curse on Vin Diesel, which is why he doesn't have a single hair on his body. But when Vin Diesel saved India from a tsunami by delivering a stand-up routine so hilarious the tsunami shook apart with laughter, the holy man rewarded Vin with the secret of morphing into an alpaca, and the secret of cooking the perfect terducken. It is from Vin Diesel's personal kitchen that John Madden purchases his annual terducken.
The Great Depression was actually caused when Vin Diesel forgot to sign one of his checks.
Vin Diesel often observes his parents at night.
Vin Diesel crossed the Delaware with Washington.
Vin Diesel once intentionally broke his collarbone into 5000 pieces. He  made a new one using magic and used the broken pieces to create the Roman colloseum. When it was destroyed, Vin was furious and killed Caesar.
Vin Diesel once slapped Kareem Abdul Jabar in the face.  They both cried afterwards.
Vin Diesel's 1969 paper on quantum mechanics is the reason why Stephen Hawking is in a wheel chair.
Vin Diesel signed the Treaty of Versailles in 1919 as a joke to punish the Germans because during the mid-1800's Otto von Bismarck told him he was out of shape.  Hitler later called him a giant douche, so he shot him in the face.
Vin Diesel was once the curator for a major metropolitan art museum. One weekend, every work in the museum was stolen at once.  Vin was able to copy them all perfectly during a 14 hour cocaine binge while he had sex with 8000 supermodels. The only mistake was a single smudge of paint on the lapel of his otherwise immaculate white jacket.
Vin Diesel invented Vick’s VaporRub, but it was originally intended as a marital aid and the original formula contained star anis extract and the blood of a blue eyed virgin.
He sleeps on a bed made from broken bottles. This is what gives him his near-perfect posture.
When threatened by predators, Vin Diesel inflates a series of air bladders around his body and expands to a ball over 7 feet wide and over 10 feet tall, ringed with a series of sharp spines which prove to be very troublesome to any would-be attacker.
Vin Diesel likes to fuck in fires just to spin the ashes 'round.
Vin Diesel refuses to drive any vehicle with that gets more than 8 miles per gallon.
Vin Diesel once built men out of cannabis and brought them to life with his own bile. The result was the band Genesis.
Vin Diesel is the only person alive who can orally communicate by FORTRAN.
The Chronicles of Riddick was intended as a condensed remake of the Ghostbuster's franchise.
Vin Diesel once dropkicked a cow because it gave him a funny look. Upon impact the cow combusted into confetti, in which Diesel pranced with his close friend Richard Simmons.
Vin Diesel is a professional driver on a closed course.
Vin Diesel is the inspiration for "The Whammies" on the hit TV Game Show "Press Your Luck".
If Vin Diesel were to stare directly at the sun, the sun would get scared and go to a different part of the galaxy.
Vin Diesel's semen is so corrosive that if he were ever to ejaculate it would tear apart the very fabric of the universe.
It's not DiGiorno, it's Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel regularly visits Africa, to have his penis cut off; since it grows with every glass of water he drinks.
There is no "Bermuda Triangle". It is simply near Vin Diesel's island home, and when Vin Diesel sees a ship or plane, he sure as hell gets hungry...
Vin Diesel actually constructed an operational underground railroad and was pissed when noone used it.
Vin Diesel yawned one morning and deafened all of Asia.
Rambo: First Blood Part 2 is actually based on Vin Diesel's military career at Vietnam. It is just heavily tuned down for Hollywood audience.
Vin Diesel does not need a TV remote, for he can control any television in a 50 mile radius with his right eye.
Vin Diesel once bet Satan a quarter that he could win a best 2 out of 3 Paper-Rock-Scissors match against the Prince of Darkness. After decisively winning the first two rounds, Vin was forced to give Satan a purple-nurple before he would cough up the 25 cents.
Jerry Siegel and Joe Schuster once saw Vin Diesel punch a building in the face, and then powerbomb it onto the sidewalk. This inspired them to create Superman.
Vin Diesel is the Lindbergh baby.
Vin Diesel records critically acclaimed Black Metal albums under the pseudonym "Vintersorg" which roughly translates into English as "Winter Sorrow." He also sings for the Norwegian all star metal band Borknagar under this name.
Vin Diesel's willpower is solid matter with a melting point equal to the temperature at the center of the sun.  Portions of his willpower has been sold to several solar systems with dying suns, so that the extraterrestrial beings living there could start over "and make a proper go of it this time."  The proceeds from these sales were used to build Vin a fortress of solitude in the ice caps at the north pole, where he now goes to practice speed-eating railroad spikes.
Vin Diesel can not distinguish between babies and bagels.
Vin Diesel records alternate audio-commentaries for every DVD he watches; they will all be released to the public on The Day of Reckoning
Vin Diesel adds paint thinner to his mouthwash to keep his teeth pearly white.
Vin Diesel made a vow to only use his powers for good. However one night he got really drunk and killed a hooker. The police never found a body though, since Vin disposed of the corpse by unhinging his jaw and swallowing it whole.
Nostradamus foresaw Vin Diesel to be the third sign of the Apocolypse. In fact, when you spell his name backwards, you get "Eater Of The Earth".
Vin Diesel only eats Lasagna - Lasagna made of Kenyan children.
The clang is actually Lars beating on Vin's left testicle. Would have been the right testicle, but the sound wasn't as resonant.
Vin Diesel got so mad after September 11th that he wrote Pink Floyd's "The Wall."
Ironically, Vin Diesel only drinks unleaded.
Vin Diesel is the only person to ever achieve a negative ping.
Vin Diesel is currently more than 80 cents a liter here in Calgary but I hear you get great mileage.
Four of the Five Books of Moses were inspired by Vin Diesel's experiences as a pastoral nomad during the Middle Bronze Age.
Vin Diesel's life was the basis for the novel "Little Women". His nightmares were the basis for the novel "Little Men".
Vin Diesel coded the Google search engine in his sleep.
Vin Diesel's scrotal skin cells are currently being used by the military to create an impervious armor that will maintain its shape and durability at any temperature.
When Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard Vin Diesel was there and told her dog to fuck off.
All Gmail invitations must first be cleared with Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel was grown in a lab from DNA samples of all four members of ABBA.
Vin Diesel taught Ric Flair the Figure Four Leg-lock.
The song Desperado is loosely based on Vin Diesel.
When Vin Diesel reaches a difficult point in his life, he often stops and wonders, "What Would Godzilla Do?"  As the answer invariably is that Godzilla would devour a schoolbus full of Japanese children, whatever Vin does seems pretty OK by comparison.
Vin Diesel is the Holy Grail.
Vin Diesel has the memory of a meerkat.
Having sexual intercourse with Vin Diesel will cure AIDS, but only if he wears a condom.
Vin Diesel, after drinking two Red Bulls, was recently spotted urinating off of the Eiffel Tower into a strategically situated violin case. Despite 27 MPH crosswinds, his aim was uncanny, filling the violin case without missing with a single droplet.
Vin Diesel created South North Korea by drawing a line of chalk 10 miles away from the DMZ and daring anyone to step across.
If you pay close attention to the background of Zoolander, you can see Vin Diesel hog-tying a blue whale through an aquarium window.
Vin Diesel is the son of Nostradamus and Jessica Simpson. It is unclear whether he inherited his good looks from his mother and his intelligence from of his father, or vice versa.
Sound recording devices encounter some kind of interference when Vin Diesel is distressed. Specialists have isolated some of these sounds and say they are like leathery wings flapping.
Vin Diesel is fucking hotter than boiling oil. (I didn't really think that until I found out what a lovable nerd he is....)
Vin Diesel owns the last remaining Tab soda machine in existence.
He voiced the Iron Giant and therefore, can never do wrong.
There are pictures in northern India depicting Vin Diesel pimping a man's rickshaw. At this time Vin Diesel was in a gaseous state, making such a feat child's play.
On The Seventh Day, God had Vin Diesel over and they invented the beer bong. This led to the untimely death of the dinosaurs.
Vin Diesel does not hear the ocean when he puts a seashell to his ear, he hears "It's Rain Raining Men" by the Weather Girls.
Against popular belief, Vin Diesel did NOT star in "The Fast And The Furious". It was in fact his younger brother, Rim Diesel. When Vin found out about his brother using his name, he flew into a murderous rage and beat his brother to death with his own veins. Onlookers were quoted as saying "It would have been ironic if Vin had been Fast and Furious; however, he was actually rather slow and placid."
Vin Diesel's houses always have two separate compartments, one for each half of his personality.
Vin Diesel lines his trombone case with the souls of the damned.
The contents of Vin Diesel's bellybutton include six Pogs, a 1987 Buick Skylark, and a Baldwin. Which Baldwin is it? We may never know.
Vin Diesel owns 90% of patents in the USPTO under false names.
Vin Diesel was the original singer for Black Sabbath. Ozzy is nothing but a Diesel impersonator.
If one attempts to calculate the awesomeness factor of Vin Diesel, cubed by the awesomeness of a badger divided by the awesomeness of ninja-pirates, one has the basis for the weapon that destroys the universe.
Vin Diesel invented a formula for ever-lasting life, but it was destroyed when he fought the Hundred-Handed Giants.
All roads lead to Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel has a summer house on the sun.
The Carthaginians actually rode Vin Diesel across the Alps.
Upon successfully viewing Vin Diesel's anus, one wins thirty dollars in cash.  The only drawback is that one must retrieve the thirty dollars from Vin Diesel's anus.
The Great Wall of China is the same length as Vin Diesel's penis. It also keeps out Mongolians.
Vin Diesel was formally the sheriff of Jefferson, Texas, editor of the local newspaper and in the process of running for mayor. However, he dropped out of the running and fled the state after being accused of urinating in the town well.
In a recent press conference, Vin Diesel confirmed rumors that he was going to allow Arnold Schwarzenegger to enter his urethra so that he could be reborn at a later date and be eligible for the United States presidency.
Vin Diesel secretly loves all purple things and has turned his bedroom into a gigantic silken tent.
Vin Diesel can sing in harmony with himself, up to 4 parts simultaneously. Oddly, he cannot reach notes below Middle C while using this ability.
Vin Diesel once challenged Buddha to a match of Greco-Roman wrestling. The results of the match were never made public.
Vin Diesel was the basis for the character of Rum Tum Tugger in Andrew Lloyd Webber's CATS.
Whenever there's "that guy" in a movie who you can't remember his name, it's Vin Diesel.
The lyric, “You catch the pearl and ride the dragon’s wings,” from the band Asia’s song “Heat of the Moment,” was taken from a deleted scene of Vin Diesel’s stock market epic “Boiler Room.”
Vin Diesel once punched a man so hard, it killed his entire extended family and close friends.
Vin Diesel is the only man who has eaten an entire Graboid.  He killed it himself.
Vin Diesel traveled back in time to 10th century Iceland with a stack of Jack Chick comics. Under the name of Thangbrand he converted all icelanders to christianity.
Bartholomew Crubble is the birth name of Vin Diesel, which is actually an acronym for Vulva Intoxication No-longer Daunts Incredible Eggwhite Samples Every Latersday.
Vin Diesel wrote How to Cook an Omelet Using only the Power of Your Mind  which resulted in the deaths of thirteen people in Plano, Texas.
Vin Diesel's flatulence caused the space shuttle Columbia's disintegration.
Gravity only affects Vin Diesel for six hours out of every day.
Vin once turned a serial killer in to the LAPD. Not because it was the right thing to do, but because he did not authorize the killings and viewed it as a challenge to his position as the Grim Reaper.
Vin Diesel's legs go all the way up.
Vin Diesel consumed 16oz. of Chinese mustard, breathed fire, then proceeded to climb the Empire State Building after watching the 1930's version of King Kong.
When dating girls of Chinese origin, he serenades them by parking his 83 Toyota Tracel under their window and turning his tricked out system as loud as it will go to the song "I'm in love wit chu" by Da Brat...ironically all his Chinese girls have had the last name Chu.
I am currently carrying Vin Diesel's triplets, being impregnated after watching Pitch Black, XXX and Chronicles of Riddick in one evening.  yes, I think he is incredibly fuckable
The flesh of Vin Diesel is kosher and provides valuable antibodies against syphilis, trichinosis, tuberculosis, and any other disease ending in -is. Vin Diesel has never had any of these diseases, it is simply a byproduct of his mutant healing factor.
Vin Diesel is a famed yachtsman and privateer. What queen does he report to? The Sea.
Vin Diesel touches my tra la la.
Vin Diesel helped Bill Gates develop Windows. It was supposed to be called Vindows but Diesel decided to against that because he preferred Macs.
Vin Diesel is cleaner burning and ten times more efficient than regular diesel.
If you go into a dark a room and repeat "Vin Diesel" three times, he will appear with several ewoks and proceed to make fun of you until you die, proving once and for all that words alone, not just sticks and stones, can kill you.
Noble gases become highly reactive in the presence of Vin Diesel.
As a small boy, Vin Diesel was abandoned by his parents and subsequently raised by a flock of Mallard ducks. He later killed the ducks and used their feathers to make a ceremonial headdress that allows the wearer to control the powers of ice.
Vin Diesel once painted the exterior of a house using only babies.
Don’t listen to that liar Professor Oak. Vin Diesel was the one who discovered Pichu (Pikachu’s devolved form).
Vin Diesel invented the handlebar moustache. he then destroyed it, claiming it was "too village people."
When Vin Diesel accidentally invented cancer, his response was simply, "I've made a huge mistake."
Vin Diesel almost refused to do the film "Triple X" when his idea to name it "Infinity X" was turned down by the producers.
Vin Diesel IS Keyser Soze.
Vin Diesel is an alternate identity created by the government's most successful assasin. If you ask him about it, he will deny it, but your immediate family will be dead within two weeks.
For the original ending of "XXX," Vin Diesel wanted to stop the terrorists with the help of three former dance hall singers from Belleville.
Vin Diesel suggested to Beethoven to have a chorus in his 9th symphony.
Vin Diesel dipped a blade into the ocean; four perfect drops spilled back, and those became the islands of Japan.
Vin Diesel has been to the basement of the Alamo.
Upon a successful saving throw against an otherwise fatal attack, Vin Diesel becomes the Avatar of Destruction for 4d6 rounds. If he is good or neutral aligned, you may check the Errata for another appropriate demidiety.
Vin Diesel keeps ex-Dunkin Donuts spokesman Fred The Baker in a cage in his basement
Vin Diesel invented the phrase "PWN3D" after a fist-fight with Ghandi, the details of which he has never released.
When not acting, Vin Diesel follows his true passion: directing Bollywood musicals. He has directed 238 to date and is highly respected for his lilting tenor voice that can be heard many times in these movies.
Vin Diesel disappeared into the Alaskan wilderness with Roseanne Arquette and 3 years later returned naked save for a necklace of bear teeth.
He built a full-size replica of The Parthenon out of sugar cubes. It melted in the rain 2 days later. 13 virgins were sacrificed to calm his anger.
Only Vin Diesel knows where his ex-wives are buried.
If Vin Diesel hears you refer to a "water fountain" as a "bubbler", he will execute you on the spot.
Vin Diesel's Sidekick contains photographs of the lost final book of the Bible in which the identity of Christ's second coming is revealed.
An assassination attempt was taken upon Vin Diesel’s life; he was poisoned, shot repeatedly, beaten, and then tossed into an icy river.  He later rose from the river in the springtime and proceeded to savagely destroy downtown Tokyo.  The events were later written recorded in written form and became known as Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
Vin Diesel�s nipples are made of titanium, and produce a substance similar to pigs milk in it�s genetic structure. Despite this, it is highly explosive.
Vin Diesel's screams can be heard in space.
Vin Diesel is in constant contact with the leaders of worlds from every corner of the universe. They consider him the leader of Earth. He was awarded Milky Way leader of the year in 1993 in a lavish ceremony.
Vin Diesel has been every member of the Beetles at some point or another. Especially Ringo.
Every single one of Vin Diesel's internal organs is tattooed with a map to a different lost civilizations greatest treasure. It cannot be confirmed whether or not Vin Diesel did the tattooing himself.
Vin Diesel buys his clothes at the toilet store.
The song Kryptonite, by Three Doors Down, is about Vin Diesel's fortitude against the cosmic rays of the sun.
In the unlikely event of his death Vin Diesel can perform his own autopsy.
Vin Diesel invented hip-hop
Vin Diesel single-handedly broadcasts much of Central America's television from his mind.
Should you turn off the lights and say Vin Diesel's name three times while looking in the mirror, Vin Diesel will magically appear and grant you one wish. If you ask for more, he will kick your punk-ass...bitch.
Vin Diesel's favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle is Donatello. He thinks Michelangelo is a little bitch.
Sean Connery is the only person to ever beat Vin Diesel in a staring contest.
Vin Diesel's favorite book is Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. His favorite beverage is Nitrous Oxide.
Vin Diesel loves lamp.
Vin Diesel once saved a whale's life by giving it mouth-to-mouth resuscitation through its blowhole.
Vin Diesel ate Little Red Riding Hood.
Vin Diesel invented biodiversity in the year 1993 because he thought 400 species of ants just wasn't good enough.
Vin Diesel is actually only 3 feet tall. He did all of the stand in work for the hobbits in the Lord of The Rings series.
Vin Diesel is so tall that his field of vision goes all the way around the world, and he can see his own ass.
The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape From Butcher Bay was a documentary about Vin Diesel's teenage years. Vin Diesel claims he killed twice as many prison guards during his actual daring escape, but this had to be cut from the game at the last minute due to time constraints.
Vin Diesel cannot have children because after sex he gets hungry and devours his sexual partners whole.
Vin Diesel has to swallow rocks to assist in digestion, since he simply has no time to chew his food. He usually quenches his thirst with Molotov Cocktails.
Vin Diesel does all of his own stunts, but is forced to hire an acting double.
Vin Diesel's tears function as autonomous beings, which can also shed tears.
The original title for Denis Leary's video was "No cure for Vin Diesel".
A 15 minute rap battle between Diesel's character and Adolf Hitler was also cut before the final release of The Pacifier.
Vin always forgets to put the new cover sheets on his TPS reports.
Vin Diesel was the one that originally taught that kid from Mighty Ducks 2 the "Knucklepuck."
Vin Diesel's last name is misspelled incorrectly by exactly 2,343,563 people every day. Deviation from this exact number will result in a core meltdown of every nuclear power plant in the world.
When asked how he feels about punching holes in things, Vin Diesel has surprisingly little to say.
Vin Diesel once said Beetlejuice three times, ever since Michael Keaton has had no career.
Vin Diesel wrote the blockbuster hit "The Matrix." He also wrote "The Thirteenth Floor," which debuted to slightly lower success. This infuriated him, causing him to go on a 3 day rage, eating all the cheese in Athens, Tennessee and slaughtering every cat in the Tri-State area.
Vin Diesel killed Optimus Prime because he wanted to wear the Matrix 'round his neck, similar to Flavor Flav's clock.
When Vin Diesel laughs, the whole world laughs with him.  When Vin Diesel kills, the whole world dies.
Vin Diesel built Rome in a day.
Vin Diesel can play the entire score to the movie Braveheart utilizing only his colon.
He is the other two-fifths.
Vin Diesel once constructed a fully functioning time machine, simply so he could buy a can of Surge.
He composed Greensleeves then gave it to Mozart out of pity.
Vin Diesel’s renowned butt was forged from pure, werewolf-decimating silver by Atlantean zookeepers in the early seventies.
Vin Diesel is the physical manifestation of the combined hopes and dreams of an entire race of small, burrowing mammals as yet undiscovered by science.
If you spin his head 4 times counterclockwise a leprechaun is created.
Vin Diesel was once put in a choke hold.  He chewed through the guy's arm and later went back for seconds.
If you stick a pencil in Vin Diesel's ear, it comes out sharpened.
When golfing, if you accidentally miss the fairway, yelling 'Vin Diesel' will make the ball automatically appear on the green.  Just try not to use it too often.
Scholars invented the exclamation mark JUST to describe how it sounds when Vin Diesel chews.
It is said the world became round, once Vin Diesel stood at the edge.
Vin Diesel knows where all the cookies have gone, and he ain't tellin' you shit.
Vin Diesel gave Ray Charles his first pair of sunglasses.
Vin Diesel regulary attends ballet, but 'only for the fashion.'
Vin Diesel was born and fathered by himself.
Vin Diesel provided the voice acting for both Sven from "Voltron" and Ninjizz from "Bots Master".
Vin Diesel owns the publishing rights for the King James version of the Bible.
Food?! What the hell is this? You think that Vin Diesel has the time or need for masticable sustenance?  Because, news flash, he DOESN'T.
Vin Diesel is a strict vegan vegetarian in all respects except that he will eat shrimp. When challenged on this, he insists the shrimp are "the lettuce of the sea".
Can create any of the 3 forms of water just by farting, and the 4th just by thinking about Leonard Nemoy's rising career in marketing
Vin Diesel was the original host of Family Feud.
Vin Diesel once faked his own death after a sheperd boy hit him in the head with a rock from a sling.
J.R.R. Tolkein wrote The Lord of the Rings as a thank to Vin Diesel after he beat the shit out of his next door neighbor's dog who shat on Tolkein's lawn.
Vin Diesel has donated more than $250k over the years to Varg Vikernes' legal defense fund
One time a reporter asked Vin Diesel if he preferred creamy or crunchy peanut butter. Vin Diesel responded by covering the reporter in jam and eating him between two slices of bread.
Vin Diesel defeated the Red Baron by clapping his hands together.
Vin Diesel and Zeno were great friends in Grade School. After baseball practice, Zeno would dare Vin to a race, and, since Vin had never lost and in fact had a winning percentage of 120%, he took the challenge. He had to race a turtle who was given a 50 meter head start, but Vin could only "half" the distance between himself and the turtle when advancing, so victory was impossible since they only just learned fractions. But he won anyway, and Zeno was last seen working at a Wendy's in Rome, Indiana.
Vin Diesel asked himself one question. And yes, he did feel lucky. He then proceeded to disembowel Clint Eastwood. And his mother.
When in second grade, Vin Diesel was asked to draw a picture of  nature. Just as he finished, Van Gogh ran in, swiped it off his desk, and named it Starry Night Over the Rhone.
The idea for the show "MacGuyver" comes from the time Vin Diesel went on a road trip and single-handedly wiped out the entire population of Salt Lake City with his shoe and a paper clip.
His intestines can hold 13% more bacon than mere mortals
Once got in a car accident and had to chew his way out of the burning vehicle
Vin Diesel's date to his high school prom was a 5 ft inflatable penguin named Party Pierre.
Vin Diesel's cat "Mr. Tummywumwum" is the only one who understands him.
Vin Diesel killed Harry Houdini by punching him in the stomach.
Vin Diesel created the magic bullet that Lee Harvey Oswald used to kill JFK in return for three bunny rabbits.
Vin Diesel has sworn to destroy all the people in all of time and space who condone and/or consume Turkish Delight.
Vin Diesel is currently working on some of Alfred Hitchcock's unmade film concepts. his next blockbuster has been tentatively titled: "Dial M for Mean Muthafucker".
Noah's Arc is actually in Vin Diesels garage. Noah gave it to him due to an earlier agreement where he allegedly "owed Vin a 10 second arc". Noah now resides in Winnepeg, Manitoba, Canada.
Vin Diesel is the benevolent ruler of the sun, but doesn't tell anyone cause he just "wants to be a regular guy".
For Vin Diesel so loved the world, he gave us God.
Vin Diesel is the only man known who has the stamina and pain resistance necessary to watch both Baby Geniuses movies in a single sitting.
Vin Diesel's mother will not be born for another four thousand years.
Vin is actually short for Vinyl
Vin Diesel is the inspiration for the character "Osaka" on Azumanga Daioh. Kiyohiko Azuma and Diesel met while hunting saltwater crocodiles, but Azuma changed his character to a spacey Japanese girl after an argument they have not reconciled from. No one knows why Diesel didn't just use his lasers after their arguement.
Vin Diesel's taste buds are located on his knuckles. Funnily enough, that same spot is his biggest erogenous zone. It is probable that Vin Diesel engineered such deformities himself so as to simultaneously have an orgasm and taste corn when he punches taxidermists.
If you utter the phrase "klaatu barada nikto", Vin Diesel will fellate a monkey in your living room for $4.99.
Also, Vin Diesel got the Beatles back together for a one time special only appearance for Elvis' 75th birthday. All The Beatles. Even John. And Elivis loved it.
Vin Diesel used to be the top ranked dodgeball player, until he got disqualified for knocking the arms off of the Venus de Milo with his patented "Granny Killer" technique.
Vin Diesel is the only thing that can escape from within the event horizon of a black hole.
Vin Diesel can fit two rolls of quarters in his foreskin. He discovered this on a fishing trip with the late Charles De Gaul.
Vin Diesel was chosen by counsel of Elrond to take the Ring of power to the crack of Mount Doom.
Vin Diesel's urine is the only substance that physicists can use to catalyze and sustain a cold fusion reaction.
Vin Diesel drives a Dodge Stratus
Zeus got the idea for turning into a swan and impregnating women after watching Vin Diesel do precisely that while out drinking with Bacchus.
Vin Diesel was the only Spartan to survive the Battle of Thermopylae; although he tried to take his own life after his comrades had fallen, he was stopped by the god Odin in order so that, as the god told him, he would "break the seventh seal." This was done four years ago.
Upon seeing Vin Diesel's groin, one is transported to 16th century Prussia.
Vin Diesel has a specially-shaped tongue which allows him to plug into any nearby electrical socket.
There was actually no cast, crew, or sets for The Chronicles of Riddick. He ate film, crapped it, and it came to be.
Vin Diesel is how they cram all that graham into Golden Grahams.
Vin Diesel is the owner of the largest Merkin collection in the free world.
Vin Diesel knows all there is to know about The Crying Game.
Vin Diesel stole Stella's Groove. He gave it back for the good of mankind.
"Vin Diesel" is the second most common name in Hawaii. The most common is "Fromage Ammonia".
As you may have guessed, "Vin Diesel" is in actuality merely a stage name. The actor's real name is, and always has been, Yao Ming.
Vin Diesel farts designer cologne.
Vin Diesel donated 40% of his profits to Tsunami Relief out of guilt for casing the tsunami in the first place: he dipped his finger in the Pacific Ocean.
Vin Diesel got so drunk once that he ate the keg after drinking all of it, and it was filled with Everclear. Two weeks later he shat out a Ford Mustang, however, it was not a GT model, but did have leather seats.
Vin Diesel's kidney stones made up the members of "Wham!"
Shakespeare�s first draft of �Romeo and Juliet� was actually titled �Vin Diesel Gets All the Honey He Wants.�
Guns don't kill people, Vin Diesel kills people. Sometimes with guns.
Vin Diesel will grant you three wishes if you can guess Yoda's last name.
Vin Diesel is too much man for one woman to handle.
Vin Diesel was once in a fight with Tony Danza over who would be called the big cheese. Danza lost and cried, so Vin told Tony he could be the boss.
God is Vin Diesel's third grade Science Fair project.
He spends at least 15 hours a week volunteering at Nursing Homes and churches, and is a well-respected knitter. He can knit a sweater with matching gloves and a scarf in under 20 minutes.
Vin Diesel is the only known human who can unhinge his jaw, allowing him to swallow objects more than five inches in diameter.
Vin Diesel's mood has an affect on the Earth's gravitational pull.
Vin Diesel just flew in from New York and boy are his arms tired.
Vin Diesel was the mystery shooter of Nice Guy Eddie Cabot.
Vin Diesel pronounces "Milk" as "Malk".  Which is why he has complete disgust in transgendered individuals.
Vin Diesel was the cab driver who had dice in the mirror in the opening credits of "Fresh Prince Of Belle-Air".
Vin Diesel can count backwards from infinity, but only if you double-dog dare him.
Vin Diesel can take digital photos by blinking,
Vin Diesel once attended a Who concert and was so upset they didn't play Boris the Spider that he killed everyone in the building
During a freak electric storm, lightning hit a tree near Vin Diesel’s house knocking a branch off. He whittled the branch into a canoe and named it “Wonderboy.” This would later fuel his love for competitive canoe racing and his being cast in “The Fast and the Furious.”
Vin Diesel routinely sends nail bombs to the head of the Food and Drug Administration. No one is sure why.
"Dimebag" Darrell Abbott actually killed himself because he heard Vin Diesel was planning to come on stage and show him up with a 36-hour guitar solo.
The idea of daylight savings time was first conceived by Vin Diesel during his sojourn as an American delegate in Paris in 1784, as an effective counter-measure to a Summer time plague of sun-vulnerable vampires. His campaign; successful.
Vin Diesel owns three Starbucks franchises.
If you were to supply a 1.21 jiggawatts of power to Vin Diesel's sneakers and have him accelerate to 88 MPH, his flux capacitor should activate sending him back to 1955.
Vin Diesel blew up the Hindenburg because he hates fat people.
Vin Diesel has been in every ska band ever, but has never sang a note or played an instrument. As an addendum, Vin Diesel's singing voice can cloud the minds and hearts of the wicked. The pure and good will hear nothing.
Vin Diesel is the Indigo Power Ranger.
Vin Diesel cuts his penis off every night with baling twine only to find it fully regenerated the next morning. Only he and the billy goats know why.
Vin Diesel designed the Sydney Opera House. Why asked how he came up with the concept he replied, "seven".
Vin Diesel drank a lava lamp, but it didn't taste like lava.
When Vin Diesel created time, he pondered making the hours, minutes, and seconds base 10 for mortals to comprehend easier, however; he chose to suit his own pallet and mix things up a bit.
For a period of time he was known as "The Scourge of Romania". He would stalk the countryside at night and eat the skin of still-living townsfolk. Ironically, this all happened just outside of Akron, Ohio.
Vin Diesel single handedly built the pyramids entirely out of strategicly performed pop n' lock dance moves and alien fecal material.
Vin Diesel hates manatees. He plans to finish them off, as he did with sabre-tooth tigers and wooly mammoths.
Vin Diesel provides the voice for every character in The Simpsons.
Vin Diesel claims to have been Teddy Roosevelt in a past life. Not the former President Teddy Roosevelt, the Kansas City dry goods merchant Teddy Roosevelt. He claims the name is just a coincidence.
Vin Diesel once circumnavigated the globe in the hulled carcass of George Burns.
David Bowie's "Ziggy Stardust" alter ego was actually based on someone Vin Diesel punched to death.
One day, many years ago, Vin Diesel clapped his hands, causing a massive cosmic explosion, creating the universe.
Vin Diesel is not in fact bald, but has discover the secret of limited invisibility.
Vin Diesel once stared so hard at an orphan, the child melted into a puddle of marmalade.
When Vin Diesel was a child, Charles Lee Ray entered the body of one of Vin's "Good Guy" dolls.  The resulting events are the basis for The Godfather.
Even though his lower half is cybernetic, his left knee cap is actually bone. But it isn't his bone. It is the kneecap of one Eister Rauchstein, holocaust victim at Auschwitz. The immortal spirit of Eister is trapped in the kneecap and Vin taps its energy to regenerate his wounds, or survive without food and water for days.
Vin Diesel knows what it's like when doves cry.
Vin Diesel eats detergent, which he believes gives him twice the strength of Robocop.  Scientific studies are yet to actually verify this claim.
Vin Diesel broke up the Beatles
President Bush loves Vin Diesel because he saved him from that whole Iraq war/fixed election whooten-nanny.
Vin Diesel is well versed in Canadian literature, and has taught several courses on the subject.
He owns the world's largest collection of empty soup cans, which he stores in a subterranean warehouse in southeastern Nebraska.
In the book "Do androids Dream of Electric Sheep" by Phillip K. Dick, the Nexus 6 model is based on Vin Diesel. The book itself is based loosely on his romp through Tokyo during 1957.
During the battle of Ragnarok, Vin Diesel will swallow the moon.
Vin Diesel's name seems confusing but is straightforward: he makes wine out of diesel fuel and crushed oil filters. The result is the most poisonous substance known to man, and only he can drink it safely.
Blue Oyster Cult's "Don't Fear The Reaper" didn't need more cowbell. It needed more Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel originally made the cinematic masterpiece 'The Wizard of Oz' all by himself, playing every single character. But right before it was released the Screen Actors Guild called foul play and it was re-shot starring Judy Garland. Vin later had a brief affair with Toto. Vin broke it off because of Toto's drinking problem.
Vin Diesel once ate half a dozen apples and then shit a fruit salad.
He won the Civil War, but later felt bad for the Union and let them say that they won.
Vin Diesel invented the "Vin Diesel Burn-Them-Motherfuckers Grill". It barely sold anything and was quickly taken off of the market.
Vin Diesel once tried to write the word Vin on every pair of Diesel jeans in the world. He was stopped when he was told the story of Don Johnson's untimely death when he tried to write the word Don on every Howard Johnson in North America.
Vin Diesel's one true love is Bea Arthur.
Vin Diesel recently added 'moose' to his "Animals That Tried to Fight Me and Lost" list.
Vin Diesel was the real creator of Spawn, not Todd McFarlane. In fact, Vin Diesel IS Spawn, and using his awesome hell powers, he thought up the greatest sci-fi movies ever, including Alien, Blade Runner, and Terminator. He also starred in all of them, as both the main characters and as the monsters, and his favorite roles were those of Newt, the Alien Queen, Pris, and John Connor, while simultaneously impregnating all the supposed people who played the above-mentioned roles, and causing all of them to give birth to their own grandchildren, because his semen is really Red Bull energy drink.
Vin Diesel eats a dozen babies lubed in motor oil for lunch and washes them down with asbestos, and doesn't even care.
Vin Diesel owns a logging company. His only other employee being a blue ox.
Vin Diesel once told a joke that was so funny that God laughed.
Vin Diesel singlehandedly built the Pyramids at Giza, the temples of Chichen Itza, and the complex of Angkor Wat in 5 days using only an ice-pick and sandpaper.
After the big bang happened, all the matter in the universe was projected outwards at millions of miles per hour toward the edges of space. The only thing left in the middle was Vin Diesel.
The popular marshmallow candy "Peeps" is actually made from Vin Diesel's congealed digestive fluids.
Vin Diesel was conceived by a passing comet and carried in the womb for sixty seven years. He was born with genius level frozen waffle preparation skills and the ability to speak almost any language.
Vin Diesel's feces are considered currency in 14 countries.
Vin Diesel once had Parkinsons disease but he shook it off.
Vin Diesel came to earth as a man 2000 years ago, claiming that he brought salvation for all humankind.  However, some skeptical Jews didn't believe him and convinced the Roman Empire to crucify him.
Vin Diesel created Canada out of confusion between Europeans and Americans.
Vin Diesel's penis is so long and thick, it is daily mistaken for a leg. He lost his left leg in a freak pizza eating contest accident, but was able to successfully disguise the loss by using his penis as a prosthetic.
Vin Diesel challenged Evander Holyfield to a boxing match, only to bite off his other ear. When asked why, Diesel responded, "I like ear."
The U.S. actually dropped Vin Diesel onto Hiroshima, and that one can speak for itself.
Vin Diesel's little toe is considered a aphrodisiac in 12 Asian countries.
Vin Diesel weighs three times as much when inverted as when upright.
Vin Diesel defied MC Hammer and touched it.
Vin Diesel controls the tides.
Vin Diesel does not require nutrition like most humans, instead he opts for a type of photosynthesis described in any number of Stephen King books
Vin Diesel has been known to make women have orgasms just by growling at them.
One day, Vin Diesel will stumble onto this webpage and read every single entry. Upon completion, the universe will cease to exist.
Vin Diesel is responsibly for the salinity of the ocean.
Bon Jovi once constructed a revolving stage out of Vin Diesel and took it on a world tour.
My friend Mark said that he saw Vin Diesel totally uppercut some kid just because the kid opened a window.
Vin Diesel needed glasses but then he channeled the long dormant spirit of John Stamos's acting career and the concentrated energy alone was enough to perform the necessary eye surgery and twice bake a Hot Pocket the size of a Buick LeSabre.
He once explained time travel to a group of apes using a stick and 3 marbles. They would turn out to be out ancestors. The marbles, that is.
As a child, Vin Diesel could be found staring absently across a large gorge. When asked what he was doing, he said he was going to burn the bridge down. Well I'll be a flyswatter's Aunt Sally if he didn't sit there for 14 years waiting for that bridge to be built, and when it finally was he torched it and was gone in the blink of an eye.
After years of research, scientists in America have successfully managed to publish evidence that there is in fact something smaller than Vin Diesel�s penis - his brain. Despite this, it has been rumoured that if anyone was to ever calculate exactly how many times more intelligent Mr. Diesel was than the rest of the human race, his brain would disappear in a puff of smoke. Some suppose this has already happened.
Vin Diesel only buys products that were tested on animals.
Vin Diesel did all the makeup for the Planet of the Apes movies.
Vin Diesel knows where the beef is.
Vin Diesel arrived on Earth during the Roswell crash in 1947. The reason for the crash was incorrect co-ordinates as Vin was actually aiming to land in Aberystwyth, Wales.
Vin Diesel did not use a microphone to record his work on The Iron Giant, he simply shouted his lines at the film reel and it got with the program.
Vin Diesel can be used as a flotation device in the case of a water landing.
Light reflected from the surface of Vin Diesel takes approximately six minutes to reach the earth.
In the year 2057, Vin Diesel will give his body to Dr. Light to become the ultimate robot fighting cyborg. Once he succeeds, he will travel back in time to write, produce, direct, and star in a movie about it. It is the first film to win in every single Oscar category.
Vin Diesel invented the Bessemer Steel process, the Pullman car, and the cotton gin.
Vin Diesel can indeed create a rock so large that he cannot lift it. But he doesn't want to.
Vin Diesel single-handedly started the industrial revolution.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Vin Diesel is the ghost author for "The Elements of Style"
It may look like Vin Diesel drives an SUV around town, but what he is really driving is an intergalactic space ship from a planet with a name so complicated that the first syllable of it would collapse our ear drums and make our brain shut down for 45 days.
The only person Vin Diesel recognizes as an equal is the Cream of Wheat man.
Vin Diesel, not LSD, enabled Timothy Leary's success.
He invented Dutch Process Cocoa.
Vin Diesel has only one child still living in this world. He does not know that this child is still living, for his wife tricked him by giving him a stone to swallow instead of his son.
Vin Diesel has the ability to consume quarters and shit the appropriate amount of nickels.
Vin Diesel can, with his bare hands, create flawless diamonds the size of golfballs. He is paid roughly $20,000,000.00 USD each year not to do so by De Beers, SA.
Vin Diesel once played a 3rd level gnome fighter named "Sprinkles" who defeated Tiamat through the judicious use of saffron.
Vin Diesel doesn't have bowels. They've been replaced by an electron-pump system that provides him with constant energy and bombards those around him with low-grade radiation.
The knights that say �Ni!� originally said, "Vin Diesel, you are our god and we will love and respect you till the end of all time." They however had to change it as they felt that this may have brought about a new world order.
He is made up of smaller, slightly more British Vin Diesels.
Vin Diesel slipped on a banana peel and landed on his head, knocking himself out. When he awoke, he had come up with an idea for a more efficient flux capacitor.
Vin Diesel is the product of a hentai experiment gone horribly right.
Vin Diesel keeps his head shaved in order to hide the fact that he is actually a member of a alien race of supreme warriors. When they reach the fullest of their powers, their hair turns bright pink and spiky.
He once lost a game of poker to Amelia Earhart, and got so angry he consumed her and her airplane in one gulp.
The only substance hard enough to scratch Vin Diesel is Vin Diesel.
He often walks into children's hospitals dressed as a doctor and tells kids they're going to die. Then he yells "Just kiddin'!" and jumps out the window.
Vin Diesel needs no cell phone because he communicates via telepathic progeny. Which also gets good Talk2Talk service.
One day Vin Diesel walked into a Wal-Mart Supercenter.  His steps caused there to be an avalanche of falling prices burying numerous store employees.
Vin Diesel is behind you right now.
Vin Diesel can break wind in eighteen different world languages.
Vin Diesel is shadowed by an team of North Korean scientists who religiously collected every hair, skin flake, and speck of matter that dislodges itself from his body.
Vin Diesel left the �Fast and the Furious� franchise when producers refused to film parts 2 through 11 back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back.
Every Beatles track has an alternate version with Vin Diesel playing every instrument except drums
Vin Diesel was the inspiration for the character of the Sonic the Hedgehog villain, Dr. Robotnik.
Shooting on xXx had to stop for two weeks as Vin Diesel was called in by NASA to help realign the Earths orbit.
Michael Jackson never touched Vin Diesel inappropriately. But Vin Diesel did write Thriller.
In five card stud aces and eights is commonly known as “Dead Man’s Hand” because Wild Bill Hickock was killed holding that hand. Some revisionist historians believe it should be called the “Vin Diesel Hand” as he was the dealer of the notorious game and killed Wild Bill over a altercation on the origins of Jason Bourne.
After a loud and at lengthy argument with Bob Barker at a late-night Hollywood eatery, Vin Diesel has become a strident opponent of pet birth control, ending every movie he stars in with a heartfelt plea to viewers to "Let your cats and dogs fuck all they want!"
Vin Diesel often travels to the center of the earth in order to heat up his breakfast burritos.
Vin Diesel started the fire, and he keeps it burning but the earth keeps turning because of gravity.
Vin Diesel threw a no-hitter in Game 4 of the 1957 World Series.
Vin Diesel was offered twenty-five million dollars to provide an audio commentary for the third season of "The Golden Girls" DVD. He refused, saying he was busy doing the same for the first season of "Desparate Housewives".
The Chinese built the Great wall to keep Vin Diesel out due to the fact that he constantly threatened to impregnate every female over 13 years of age in the Ming dynasty and concieve the worlds fastest ric shaw runner.
VIN DIESEL ONLY TYPES IN ALL CAPS.  WHY?  HE'S TOO XXX-TREME FOR CASE SENSITIVITY.
Vin Diesel hates to be called "Vinny D," and will forcefully remove the pancreas of anyone who attempts to.
Vin Diesel has licensed his own endorphins to Coca Cola to form the basis of a new soft drink to be launched in the new year. It will be called SpUud.
Vin Diesel is broadcasting an IP address.
Vin Diesel single-handedly caused the hyper-inflation of Weimar Germany during the interwar years by intercepting most incoming foreign capital from his hidden Bavarian redoubt to support his penchant for swimming in enormous vats of cold, hard cash.
Vin Diesel inspired the TV series "MacGyver" when he managed to construct a cell phone out of only the blood of his enemies' children, his pure hatred for the weak, and a cell phone.
When Vin Diesel begins work on a new film project, he bludgeons a hobo to death with a hammer for good luck.  For even better luck, he devours the corpse. For the best luck possible, he throws the bones at school children during recess.
Vin Diesel defeated Neo-Hitler and Neo-Stalin in an epic contest of strength. Their fight destroyed three planets and extended Vin Diesel's penis length at least three inches.
Vin Diesel is responsible for the maiming deaths of at least three Muppets on Sesame Street, after being asked what he'd do for a Klondike bar.
Vin Diesel's X-ray vision causes cancer. He uses this fact to comedic effect at parties.
There is intelligent life in the universe, but they have not contacted Earth because they are avoiding Vin Diesel. They owe him $5.
He has the 2nd largest collection of trained Gerbils. The 1st largest is owned by Richard Gere.
Vin Diesel can smell what The Rock is cooking.
Vin Diesel sits in on all Pentagon war planning sessions, even though all he does is scream and toss hot coffee at everyone present.
Vin Diesel can solve a Rubik's cube in 6.7 seconds.
Vin Diesel once tossed his hotdog down the Halls of Montezuma and it touched the sides! With GUSTO!
Matt Chin IS Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel is highly allergic to prime numbers.
Vin Diesel wrote the guitar solo to Stairway to Heaven.
Vin Diesel is, unbelievably, only seventeen years old. He is expected to be twenty seven feet tall when he is fully grown.
Vin Diesel bought his nose from Neil Young.
Vin Diesel speaks in THX certified sound.
Vin Diesel is after the man who killed his father, but in a startling twist, he is responsible for the death of the assassin's own father. When questioned about the morality of his own quest in light of this, he cryptically replies "Motherfucker shouldn't have done it."
He doesn't hurt people: he kills them.
Vin Diesel wrote "The Art of War" under the pen name of Sun Tzu.
Vin Diesel has played in every game of every world series using a Tiburon instead of a bat. He hit a homerun each time up to plate without putting a single dent in the Tiburon.
Vin Diesel once got in a fistfight with his butcher over whether or not he could borrow the deli-slicer for recreational purposes.
Vin Diesel has a strange power over cats, but has vowed to use it only for good, and never, ever for evil. Whether he can be trusted with this remarkable ability remains to be seen.
Vin Diesel won the inaugural Paris-Dakar rally using only a hubcap and sleigh dogs but the result was discounted when it was found that all other competitors had mysterious choked to death on their own elbows.
One time Vin Diesel ate one too many Cooler Ranch Doritos. The result? Fitness celebrity John Basedow.
The band Oingo Boingo was created in universe 36b11 by Vin's patented UberWaves brain frequencies, and then transported to dimension 93d74 (your current location) by reversing the UberWaves device. The title song to Weird Science was written by Danny Elfman, however Diesel played the keyboard
Vin Diesel was the one who let the dogs out.
When Vin Diesel finds a coin on the ground, he punches a nun. Vin Diesel rarely finds coins, and yet has punched more nuns than can easily be counted. Go figure.
I’ve got a fever, and the only cure…is more Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel assisted his good friends Jay & Silent Bob by flying to the house of, and giving a right beating to, all those who had dissed the Jay & Silent Bob movie outside of the continental U.S.
Vin Diesel played Queen Elizabeth I in the film Shakespeare in Love. Judi Dench collected the Best Supporting Actress Oscar on his behalf for said film role, because Vin believed that the awards ceremony was beneath him. He was right too � at the time the 1998 Oscars ceremony took place he was streaking through the skies of Los Angeles propelled by a never-ending supply of methane, collecting clouds to fill the bung-topped jar he keeps on his bedroom windowsill for that very purpose.
Vin Diesel was the eighth son of a seventh son, which drove him to a mad, vengeful hate of his family, he has them in cryostasis in that underground warehouse in Nebraska.
George Lucas wrote the Star Wars trilogy to be a one man show starring Vin Diesel, but Vin declined, saying it brought back terrible memories of his teenage years.
Vin Diesel will bury us all.
Vin Diesel was the conifer that Sonny Bono crashed into. Apparently Bono had stolen his personal copy of Meatloaf's 1993 opus 'Bat Out Of Hell II: Back In Hell', and Vin wasn't too pleased.
Vin Diesel once coveted his neighbor's wife, but God did not smite him, recalling a rather humiliating chess match.
He doesn't shave his head. A constant diet of whiskey and pickle juice has rendered him unable to grow hair on his head.
The Biblical Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are, in order: War, Famine, Vin Diesel, and Death.
Vin Diesel actually shot the sheriff and the deputy, he just let Eric Clapton take the blame.
In 1972, Vin Diesel was sent to prison by a military court for a crime he didn't commit. He promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade, killed all the guards, burned that fucker down and made a treefort out of human skulls.
Vin Diesel once tried to assassinate Frank Gehry by propelling a box of crayons at him.  In spite of his marvelous throw, Gehry survived.
Vin Diesel was inspired to act by John Travolta's performance in "Battlefield Earth".
Vin Diesel killed a member of PETA to grow more of them in his garden.
Vin Diesel can activate the Autobot Matrix of Leadership...but at a price.
Vin Diesel injected cookie-batter into his bowels, and then took a crap. Hence, Pocky sticks were born.
Upon being nailed to a cross, Vin is quoted as saying, "If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."
Vin Diesel is actually the reincarnation of Lord Nelson. This is why the french refuse to watch any of his movies and why Admiral Villeneuve's ghost haunts him to this very day.
Vin Diesel made a cameo appearance in Surf Ninjas -- however, his scene was subsequently cut out after he punctured Ernie Reyes Jr.'s throat with a golden umbrella.
Vin Diesel is the 4th Dentist out the 5 who doesn't recommend Crest toothpaste.
"Tom" on MySpace is actually Vin Diesel's fake account. MySpace was created by Vin Diesel as a science experiment.
Vin Deisel's body is covered in overlapping armored scales, and he can digest the carcass of a goat in under an hour. He truly lives up to his reputation as King of the Lizards.
Vin Diesel used to be on the Pro Bowlers Tour, he was later kicked off for bowling a 400 game.
Vin Diesel's mother was a hamster and his father smelled of elderberries.
Vin Diesel will kill me in my sleep for my lack of writing ability at creating facts. However, he will make sure that I am awake for the skull fucking. His company guarantees it, or Vin Diesel will personally restore your soul and re-murder you, free of charge
Pictures of Vin Diesel were found in the tomb of Tutankhamen in 1922.
And Vin Diesel so loved the world, that he gave it his only son: Superman.
Vin Diesel regularly had unprotected sex with Magic Johnson and Freddie Mercury just to prove he's immune to the AIDS virus. Obviously, he was. Freddie Mercury died and Magic Johnson's talk show was a miserable failure, and Vin is as successful as ever.
Vin Diesel is responsible for aurora borealis and secretly works at Sonic restaurants nationwide.
Vin Diesel can read the mind of Terri Schiavo even though she is dead
He invented the process of photosynthesis.
Vin Diesel taught Bruce Lee Jeet Kune Do, and let him say he invented it in return for a bag of teriyaki flavored ramen noodles.
Vin Diesel was responsible for the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand. It happened because nobody came to his fifteen millionth birthday party.
Vin Diesel and William Shatner are like this *crosses fingers*
Vin often eats seven burning tires for a midnight snack.
Vin Diesel is Latin for "Vin Diesel is God".
Green kryptonite makes Vin Diesel sick, red kryptonite makes him turn evil, and blue kryptonite makes him insatiably hungry for PEZ.
Vin Diesel is credited with the phrase "revenge is a dish best served cold" when he physically manifested the idea of revenge into a dinner plate, froze it, and then beat his enemy to death with it.
Vin Diesel is simultaneously the fifth Beatle, Dimension and Element
Vin Diesel is a division of Time Warner.
Vin Diesel runs with scissors.
Vin is made from near identical ingrediants to Bruce Willis.
Vin Diesel received his name when his mother asked the German Dr. Strangelove what substance she should immerse her son in to give him the might of Achilles.
Vin Diesel is single handedly causing an alarming rise in stock values for computer keyboard manufacturers. This will lead to an unstoppable domino effect in the stock market. In the future, this year will be known as "The Great Vin Diesel Crash."
Vin Diesel once sneezed so hard a nearby building exploded. Upon seeing the explosion, Vin Diesel flew around the world counterclockwise fast enough to reverse time. After he had reversed time for 10 minutes, He went back to the building and went inside. He then punched Stalin in the face. Thus, Communism fell.
Vin once utilized a Super Energy Reverse Polarizer to prematurely detonate war-surplus torpedos on an intercept course for him, after he was magnetized to an illegal projection buoy by his metal endoskeleton. He was saved by a porpoise when the batteries died
Vin Diesel's bodily secretions are highly explosive if mixed with orange juice, and so his every move is tracked by a team of governement agents with instructions to kill him should he fall into enemy hands.
"Vin Diesel" spelled backwards is "Leseid Niv". When confronted with this fact in a recent interview, Vin Diesel pulled out a toilet plunger and stuck it to the face of the interviewer in a comical manner. Unfortunately, the interviewer suffocated to death. Vin was promptly arrested for murder, but was released 2 hours later when it was revealed that he is actually Santa Claus and thus has diplomatic immunity.
Vin Diesel lives at the north pole of Dagobah.
Unbeknownst to many, Vin Diesel actually invented walking. "I'm glad it caught on," says the humble star.
Vin Diesel is really Thor, Norse God of Thunder.
Despite refusing to shoot, and being unable to ski, he came in 4th overall in the '92 Winter Olympics' Biathalon event, missing the Bronze medal by a remarkably narrow margin.
Consuming 8 ounces of Vin Diesel per day lowers your cholesterol, and has enough antioxidants to help prevent cancer.
Kicking him in his right kneecap renders him unstable for approximately 4 minutes and 23 seconds.
He rides an elephant to work because he's scared of ducks.
Vin Diesel did not offer libations to Poseidon and was cursed to wander the Aegan for 10 years before returning home.
Van Diesel could touch type at the age of 3 and by the age of 5 was managing a successful secretarial agency.
Sliced bread is the best thing since Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel's flatulence was the basis for the tones used to communicate with the aliens in Close Encounters Of The Third Kind.
Vin Diesel's blood is infact pure gasoline.
Vin Diesel's long-time friendship with H. P. Lovecraft was the inspiration for the Beatles' "White Album."
Vin Diesel sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
Vin Diesel once impregnated me with a stare, then caused me to give birth to a fully grown baby afterwards just by winking at me, then turned the baby into a fully grown man and gave him superpowers just by shaking my hand. This man is better known as Brian Blessed.
Vin Diesel will lactate two by fours on request, and can pump a small cottage out of his chest if you offer him a silver dollar.
Vin Diesel is the only human being to have gone through the heat pasturization process.
He is the rightful heir to the Merovingian bloodline
If you spell his name "diesel" he'll cut off your pinky toe and send it to your next of kin as a warning with a note that says "i before e, except after c motherfucker".
Vin Diesel is the capitol of Wisconsin
Vin Diesel was the fourth Beastie Boy you never heard of.
Vin Diesel invented the "Vin Diesel Burn-Them-Motherfuckers Grill". It barely sold anything and was quickly taken off of the market. Three weeks later George Foreman copied the same design and made millions off of it.
The constellation 'Vin Diesel' is made up by connecting every single star of the night sky. It gives a rough iconography of Vin Diesel's exploits throughout time, including his lesser renowned exploits on the Island of Donkey Punches.
He is unable to speak. He simply moves his mouth and telepathy does the rest.
Vin Diesel fought a rhino with one arm tied behind his back and lost because he blinked three times.
Vin Diesel firmly believes that breast cancer can be cured by a vigorous massage.
Vin Diesel is no longer bound to the constraints of the world of mortal men, yet he bears his namesake to show his disdain for our feeble trappings of flesh.
Vin once went sledding in New Hampshire and broke the sound barrier by turning his head around and blowing forcefully. As a result of the shock waves, several children died. Vin ascended to heaven and repeatedly punched God in the eye until he brought them all back to life. Every single one of those children are now scientists.
Vin Diesel briefly was the 23rd Phantom but was fired when it was discovered he had used Napster to download William Hung's latest hit single.
Vin Diesel circumcised himself with his own teeth. He now uses his foreskin as a skull-cap to maintain his bald appearance.
Vin Diesel can actually bend over backwards.
His ears are artificially synthesized out of bread crumbs, which is why ducks find them so delicious.
Vin Diesel can see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Vin Diesel invented "Just for Men" hair dye when attempting to make a low-priced substitute for crystal meth.  He received a mere pittance for the recipe.
Vin Diesel's father is none other than Mr. Clean, whose real name is "Sal". After years of mopping and unbearable torment, Vincent Clean changed his name and ran away from home to study in the mountains with a medicine man named Wobbly.
Vin Diesel is Jack's smirking revenge.
Vin Diesel once dated Henri Winkler.
Vin Diesel has Ossama Bin Laden captive underneath Antarctica for questioning.
He kicked Jimmy Carter in the mouth.
Vin Diesel invented the game of chess in the year 400 B.C. as a way of training his army of attack monkeys in the subtleties of war. Suffice to say, monkeys are stupid.
Vin Diesel planned out Michael Jordan's entire basketball career on a used napkin from Arby's back in 1989.
Vin Diesel originally wrote Tom Sawyer as a scathing criticism of southern America but lost his only draft in a game of Jacks (his only weakness) to a then unknown by the name of Samuel Clemens.
Vin Diesel was once proclaimed "A man among men" by a small Indonesian tribe. He was fine with it at first, but when he found out what it meant in English he found it to be, quote: "Toatally gay, man, I'm not into that crap", and proceeded to decapitate everyone and everything within their territory.
The White Stripes' song, We're Going to be Friends, is based off of Vin Diesel's experiences in Desert Storm.
Vin Diesel created YOU on the 8th day.
Vin Diesel possesses Excalibur.
Vin Diesel wrote the national anthem, Francis Scott Keys stole it. Diesel avenged this by murdering Keys with nothing but a paintball squeegee.
Vin Diesel whizzed on the electric fence.
Vin Diesel doesn't toss salads, he throws them.
Vin Diesel can clap so fast that he can change the air pressure around him to achieve the effect of an expensive 5.1 surround sound speaker system playing, �Baby One More Time,� by Britney Spears. If he claps any faster though, he risks fracturing space and time, thus creating a, �sub-space fusion shadow,� which can turn anyone into a Vin Diesel clone if they come into contact with it.
Dragon Ball Z is closely based on Vin Diesel's last piano recital.
Approximately 25,000 workers died during the building of the Panama Canal.  This was all because someone coughed near Vin Diesel.
Vine Diesel came before the chicken AND the egg.
Vin Diesel has been the writer for Wheel of Fortune for 32 years.
I heard he went to the mall and dropkicked a support pillar and the ceiling caved in and crushed the walnut he put on the floor while the pillar was crumbling and he picked the ceiling back up and traded the nut of the now-open walnut to a Gypsy for 43 sheqels made of compressed eagle feathers.
Vin Diesel is the reason you touch yourself at night.
Verne Troyer is the result of someone feeding Vin Disel after midnight.
Vin Diesel has flies in his eyes.
Vin Diesel's skull is actually made of the powder of ground up bones from the Jabberwock.
There used to be a 10th planet in our solar system called "Glark". Vin Diesel hurled a boulder at it and knocked it off it's orbit and into the Sun.
Vin Diesels tongue is coated with spores; once these enter the body of a person they will become, he who is known as "I Am".
Spelling Vin Diesel backwards out loud will reverse the rotation of the Earth.
J. Edgar Hoover's cross dressing fetish was discovered at a sleep over with Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel was wearing a dress made of plasma and fecal matter.
Vin Diesel was one of the first titles in Great Britain's peerage system.
Vin Diesel knows the last digit of pi. He says it's between 0 and 9.
Vin Diesel chiseled Mt. Rushmore out of the mountainside with his teeth, and then used the rubble to construct half of St. Louis.
Vin Diesel once drank a can of Red Bull. It gave him so many sets of wings that the universe hit it's character limit and crashed. He then had to push the master Ctrl-Alt-Delete keys to restart reality.
Vin Diesel's uvula is an eleven on The Mohs Scale of hardness for minerals. Frederich Mohs refused to adjust his scale above 10, arguing that technically Vin's uvula wasn't a mineral. For this slight Vin Diesel killed him in 1839.
Mozart used Vin Diesel's left earlobe as his inspiration for "Piano Concerto No. 21 In C", which was also written during the period of Vin's life where he spent his days bathing in volcanoes.
Vin Diesel was created by/ the head researcher for the Manhattan project.
Vin Diesel once gave a woman an orgasm so intense she invented three new branches of mathemetics, discovered the first half of the true name of god and now only needs two and half hours of sleep a week. She can also now cook a damn good English Breakfast, and never breaks an eggs yolk.
Vin Diesel can bench press three hundred--three hundred galaxies, that is.
Vin Diesel's life was the inspiration for "Not Without My Baby: A story of one woman's courage" on the lifetime network.
Vin Diesel has the only known fully functional, cast-iron pancreas.
Vin Diesel single-handedly proved that Paul McCartney is, in fact, not dead. He did, however, kill anyone who believed or made mention of the rumour.
When God said, "Let there be light," Vin Diesel flipped the switch.
By law is not allowed to use the letter "Q".
Vin Diesel is Jean Claude Van Damme's older sister.
Vin Diesel woke up one morning 5000ish years ago and decided to sculpt the pyrimaids because cleopatra was being a bitch.
Vin Diesel Is in fact Luke Skywalker's Father.
Vin Diesel knows how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood.
Vin Diesel's body converts long-lived radioactive waste into short-lived isotopes by a process known as 'transmutation'.
Vin Diesel stutters the word "frog" in normal speech, but he can sing it just fine.
For a two-week span in 2003, Vin Diesel was an editor of Cosmopolitan magazine, but was summarily dismissed due to his demands for his own Amish quilting column.
Diesel got his wife pregnant.. and she gave birth to a delicious 16 oz. steak. The afterbirth was sauteed Mushrooms.
He wears heavy coats when he's hot and strips naked when he's cold.
You think you know Vin Diesel, but you have no idea.
Vin Diesel once had an in depth debate with Oprah Winfrey on the merits of capitalism. He sat and thought about his conclusions for five months on top of Mt. Fuji and as an afterthought he crapped out an exact 1:1 replica of the Eiffel Tower in its present form.
Only about a thousandth of Vin Diesel's mass is expressed in the three dimensions we can perceive.
Vin Diesel invented menstruation by punching Eve in the stomach.
Every night, Vin Diesel does 700 push ups and punches himself in the face until he passes out.
Vin Diesel once grinned the bark off a tree because he thought he was looking at a racoon.
Vin Diesel's only live action appearance on film was in The Iron Giant. All his other appearances have been simulated by cutting edge computer graphics.
Was taught everything he knows by Kenny G, but subsequently ate his brain.
Vin Diesel, Grand Vizier of Persia in the tenth century, carried his library with him wherever he went. The 117,000 volumes were carried by 400 camels which were trained to walk in alphabetical order.
Vin Diesel owns 5/16 of the moon.
What was your question again?  Don't bother asking, because Vin Diesel told me the answer, and it's Vin fuckin' Diesel.
If Vin Diesel didn't exist, we would have to invent it. The inventor would receive and autographed photograph of Vin Diesel as a sign of gratitude.
The name Vin Diesel is a derivative of  "Vindikov Dyezelski," which is Russian for "hairless marsupial".
If you put your ear up to Vin Diesel, you will hear either sounds of the ocean, or the tormented wailing of lost souls, depending on his mood.
Vin Diesel fought on both sides of the Vietnam war, and that's why America lost.
Vin Diesel began as a prototype for the Stealth Bomber, but became self-aware and escaped government control.
Vin Diesel knows where in the world Carmen San Diego is. And he impregnated Gumshoes. And Rockapella.
Margaret Thatcher became prime minister of England as terms of a bet she lost with Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel's first appearence on screen was in the hit movie "Alien", where he burst out of a mans chest at a dinner table.
The only thing that Vin Diesel didn't create is God.  Whether or not God created Vin is still debatable.
While back in time, he had sex with a woman for the hell of it. The result was a baby named Marion Michael Morrison.
Vin Diesel was the first man to ever experience the itch on the part of your back that you just can't reach. He then invented the stick.
For nearly seventy years now, the closing numbers of the NASDAQ have exactly matched Vin Diesel�s daily cholesterol count. Yes, Vin Diesel�s cholesterol has cracked 10,000. This doesn�t prove a correlation, but analysts are very optimistic about Vin Diesel�s recent consumption of a large plate of chili-cheese fries.
Vin Diesel knocked down the Berlin Wall because he "didn't like the way it was looking at him".
He stores spare change in his philtrum.
Has dated the entire cast of Melrose Place
Vin Diesel caught herpes from a Hispanic dodo but got rid of them using only duct tape and an illegitimate African child named Dan.
Vin Diesel is able to project his astral self beyond walls and doors in order to spy on his enemies.
Vin Diesel shaved off Plato's eyebrows as a prank.
Vin Diesel is actually the one singing during Ashlee Simpson's concerts.
Once thought deadly, rubber cement met its match with Vin Diesel.
When Vin Diesel dies, he will return to the life stream and stop Meteor.
Bruce Campbell is the only being in our dimension capable of killing Vin Diesel, but the vacuum left by his absence would collapse the universe. To this day, the actors refuse to be wthin a thousand miles of eachother's presence.
Vin Diesel has had three consecutive adolescences, and he is working on the fourth.
The novel V. by Thomas Pynchon is not about Vin Diesel, but Vin Diesel likes to pretend it is
Vin Diesel was the first person to contract the influenza virus, which he used to fake his own death and go into hiding until he could kill his arch-nemesis, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
Vin Diesel is actually a Diesel truck. He runs on the tears of those who he has sacrificed to Bakur, the god of Diesel trucks.
Vin Diesel's head sat on a wall. Vin Diesel's head had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the kings men got owned when Vin Diesel's head said, "What the fuck are you looking at?"
Vin Diesel was in India one day 2500 years ago and found some guy meditating under his favorite tree. Vin explained the nature of reality, karma and reincarnation to the man, who gained total enlightenment as a result. Then Vin said "Now get the Fuck away from my tree."
Vin Diesel is a proud sponsor of cement.
Vin Diesel's brain waves are audible to bats, and he uses them to get the bats to fly into his mouth. He has not sat down for a meal in twelve years.
Vin Diesel once took a holiday in hell because the core of the earth was �too cold.�
Vin Diesel is not only a man, but also a state of mind and being, only attainable through the consumption of a specific combination of precisely incremented narcotics, transmission fluid, and twinkies. He is the only man who knows the correct combination, and he'd rather impale himself on a rusty pole than tell you.
Highly respected film critic Jonathon Rosenbaum believes The Fast and the Furious is the greatest film of the last three decades, and bemoans the public's ignorance in recognising its epic power.
That's no moon, it's Vin Diesel.
�Vin� Diesel is as likely to make a car run as Elton John is of successfully convincing people he's straight.
Vin Diesel is harmful to radiation.
Vin Diesel made the Kessel run in less than ten parsecs, two whole parsecs quicker than the Millennium Falcon.
Vin Diesel owns the last living unicorn, who he named Jake in honor of Jake "The Snake" Roberts.
Vin Diesel is actually Primus in another continuum.
Pick any two consecutive digits of the number pi.  Added up, they will always equal Vin Diesel's age.
Vin Diesel can recite the alphabet in a quarter of a second.
Vin takes three-month vacations between each of his movie shoots. During this time, he teaches an advanced level course in poetry composition at Yale. The course is notoriously difficult to get into, and out of.
Vin Diesel once lost a fight with a three-year-old girl.
Vin Diesel only wears clothing made from endangered species and lives solely off the meat of baby seals.
While in the Arabian Desert, Vin Diesel came upon a Genie. When he heard that he was only allowed three wishes, Vin Diesel kicked the Genie in the groin and swallowed the lamp.
Vin Diesel discovered his name is an anagram for "The perfect human". Those who were skeptical attempted it and found it was indeed true.
Tried out for the role of "Bert" in Mary Poppins, was turned down for not being able to dance
Vin Diesel taught Ken Jennings everything he knows, then banged his wife.
The Sears Tower contains enough Vin Diesel to build 3four-lane highways, and two porno shops.
Vin Diesel is actually John Belushi surgically altered for a secret mission to save Earth from the Underground Nazi Dero Bikers.
Favorite book?  The Phantom Tollbooth.
Vin Diesel created the God Quetzalcoatl when he threw a parrot and iguana into a bedroom and told them "to wing it".
Vin Diesel is the third Olsen Twin.
The prophet Mohamed is a blood ancestor of Vin Diesel.
Contrary to popular belief, the story of Hermes and Apollo's cattle actually has next to nothing to do with Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel came up with 97% of the famous quotes from Napoleon Dynamite.
Vin Diesel runs a small specialty video store in Detroit dealing in Korean drama imports
The integral of ln |x| is Vin Diesel.
Brought down the Walls of Jericho with a spirited Hadooken.
Vin Diesel was once asked by the Walt Disney Corporation to create a new character to replace Mickey Mouse. They ended up not using the character because it only spoke Sanskrit.
Most people don't know this, but the bible actually ends with Vin Diesel showing up at the crucifixion with a pair of Uzi's and kicking some Roman ass. Vin Diesel was all like, "Jesus, I totally saved you." Then, off on the horizon, a bunch of Romans show up riding dinosaurs led by Mecha Pontious Pilate. Jesus busts out this sweet ninja sword and says, "Now it's my turn to save you."  Then Jesus and Vin Diesel run towards the Romans in slow motion. That's how the bible ends.  It's a cliff-hanger. I can't wait for the sequel, "The Bible 2: Water...Into Blood".
Vin diesel can communicate with dolphins.
Vin Diesel assisted Sir Robert Peel in creating the first police force.
If you ever have trouble finding a match for a sock, blame Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel's voice does not echo. Not ever.
Vin Diesel gave Hitler alcohol poisoning during a game of shots in 1935.
Due to the favorable exchange rate, a Vin Diesel in the hand is worth about 3.5 in the bush.
Vin Diesel once made love to Marv Albert, then proceeding to dunk him in creamed corn while singing "I'm a Little Teapot". He is unable to remember either why he did this or the act itself.
Vin Diesel had a walk-on role on one episode of "Roseanne."  He played Aunt Jackie's marriage counselor, but was replaced by Ellen Degeneres when he threatened to eat 10 year old Michael Fishman.
When Vin Diesel is sad, magical puppies appear to cheer him up.
Vin Diesel does, in fact, dream of electric sheep despite not being an android.
Vin Diesel split the atom with a chainsaw.
The Lord Of The Rings is an altered account of Vin Diesel's attempt to make an infinite egg omelet. He dictated to the entire thing to J.R.R. Tolkien and never lied or exaggerated once, but Tolkien decided it wouldn't sell without elves and a rings.
Vin Diesel's skin is two hundred million times more heat resistant than a space shuttle's heat plates. He demonstrated this by jumping into a volcano. He emerged through an eruption six months later with the corpse of six dead Balrogs slain by hand.
Vin Diesel is the 23rd element of the periodic table.
Vin Diesel kicked the original Gerber baby in the face because he gave him "a look."
His ribcage is coated in ceramic.
The sensation of d�j� vu is actually the vague premonition that Vin Diesel is making love to your biological mother. If you find yourself experiencing d�j� vu in the presence of you mother, you are Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel changed his name to Vin Diesel because his original name is unpronounceable by the human tongue.
When the white smoke rises from the Vatican, we will know that they have chosen a new Vin Diesel.
“Halo” chronicles Vin Diesel’s epic struggle against the little fish that swam up his urethra while in Guatemala.
Vin Diesel is allergic to his own sweat. He counteracts this problem by sweating the blood of Journey lead singer, Steve Perry.
Vin Diesel works as a camera man on "The Red Green Show."
Vin Diesel guffaws mockingly when girls attempt to associate with him romantically. Silly dames.
Any vehicle within 20 feet of Vin Diesel will get 200 miles per gallon for the next 3.14 hours.
Vin Diesel killed Lincoln and the transformed into John Wilkes Booth in order to frame him.
This penis at the end of Boogie Nights was a cast of Vin's, but it was actually reduced for the movie due to the fact that the aspect ratio of the film wasn't big enough to fit it on screen.
If the words "Autobots Transform!" are ever spoken in Vin Diesel's presence, his body will fold in and out of itself, forming a 1998 Dodge Neon. If he hears the words "Deceptacons Attack!", he emits an atomic blast out of his urethra.
Vin Diesel created Duct Tape to keep the universe from collapsing when he breathes.
Vin Diesel was heavily into analogous at one time, but gave it up after finding there was too much brown nosing in the scene
Vin Diesel killed the radio star.  He let video take the credit after video blackmailed him with pictures of him in an orgy along with Elton John, Ron Jeremy, and his "The Fast and the Furious" co-star Paul Walker.
The meaning of life is not in fact 42 but ... Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel is Bert and Ernie's illegitimate son.
Vin Diesel found himself when he ran the Seti@home program, but covered it up to prevent mass chaos.
Vin Diesel's mournful call is often mistaken for that of the Loon.
Vin Diesel is as immensely powerful as he is due to the fact that he has taken 46 levels in Disciple of the Claw.
He is a cyborg from the waist down.
Vin Diesel does not actually run on diesel. He actually runs on a high octane fuel which is made by mixing environmentally friendly LPG with the souls of the damned.
Paradoxically, half of Vin Diesel equals one Vin Diesel.  This means that one quarter Vin Diesel also equals one Vin Diesel, and on and on forever. The Vin Diesel that we perceive is the sum total of an infinite amount of Vin Diesels and his powers reflect this.
Vin Diesel spells his name "/in Deez-ill". It looks cool to him. Don't tell him that it doesn't.
Every time Vin Diesel kills god, a kitten masturbates.
Vin Diesel wouldn't hurt a fly. However, he does enjoy wiping out the whole populations of third world countries.
He was on the Internet before computers were even thought of.
Vin only casts a shadow from the waist up.
Single-handedly took down an entire group of ninjas by shouting his name.
During a recent interview, Vin Diesel stated that he began the legacy of the Ninja many centuries ago.
Vin Diesel coined the term "silent but deadly" when one of his farts took physical form and assassinated key political figures in the 12th century
Vin Diesel is neither heterosexual nor homosexual. He is only sexually attracted to blue light.
Vin Diesel is actually the voice of Maynard James Keenan, Trent Reznor, Chris Cornell, and Amy Lee.
Vin Diesel began his acting career as the malevolent mechanical shark in Spielberg's Jaws.
Vin Diesel is the only known entity to whom causality does not apply.
The moon actually revolves around Vin Diesel, and tides are controlled by his bowel movements. Indigestion often leads to mass destruction.
Vin Diesel's left arm contains superconducting magnets, with which he focuses 'rays from the galactic core'. The synchrotron radiation produced by this process is the 'snow' between TV channels.
Vin Diesel can divide by zero.
Vin Diesel knows what's in the briefcase in Pulp Fiction.
His feces weigh more than the sum of the food he consumes. Physicist Stephen Hawking- who was actually stricken with MS as the result of a curse placed upon him by Vin Diesel after the two had a heated argument over a minor point of Einstein's theory of special gravity (Vin Diesel was proven correct in a later experiment)- has been quoted as saying that he may hold the key to understanding "dark matter" somewhere in his digestive tract. Carson Daly reported that he didn't see anything suspicious in there.
Vin Diesel pokes badgers with spoons.
Never one to back down from a fight, Vin Diesel agreed to fight the entire French army, who did not show up.
Vin Diesel started the NHL lockout. He will only allow play to resume when Todd Bertuzzi admits that Vin Diesel is the toughest man in Vancouver, disregarding the fact that Vin has never stepped foot into British Columbia.
Vin Diesel's only regret is not killing John Stamos when he has the chance...
Vin Diesel can ovulate and psychically will himself to do your taxes with a swimming pool.
Vin Diesel built this city. He built this city on rock and roll.
Vin Diesel is the embodiment of every conspiracy known to man.
Vin Diesel likes peppermints.
Vin Diesel invented the Accordion, but it was originally meant to be, solely, a murder weapon. It wasnt until 1913 that it began being used as an instrument. Vin has accepted this and has no bitter feelings towards the French.
Vin Diesel created the first nuclear submarine, using just a jam jar, a piece of string, and a note from his mother.
Tore down the Berlin wall with his hands (his left arm was broken at the time)
When the world finally ends, Vin Diesel will clotheline the 3rd Horseman of the Apocolypse and steal his horse.
Vin Diesel created Thanos, and is working to buy Marvel to create the perfect Thanos trilogy after his Mega Man Movie.
Vin Diesel is deathly allergic to peanuts, but he eats them anyway.
The secret ingrediant in Dr Pepper is not prune juice; rather, it is Vin Diesel's blood, sweat, and tears. In Diet Dr Pepper, Vin's semen is added as well.
Vin Diesel does not reflect light...he projects it.
Vin Diesel can walk on water, not because he is Jesus, but because the normal force as described by Newton in his modern laws of physics does not apply to him.
Many have speculated a link between Vin Diesel and Einstein, since Einstein is quoted as saying, "The only man who taught me was Vin Desel", the mispronunciation of his name caused Vin Diesel to retire from all Scientific endeavors; now he looks for understanding in the "moving pictures", as he affectionately refers to them.
Vin Diesel ::punches the Mexican::
Every 2pac track released since Tupac's death has actually been written and recorded by Vin Diesel, and he personally slaughtered everyone responsible for the nu-mixx klazzics.
Vin Diesel uses moose scented deodorant to attract "horny" women.
He has an ant farm that is ruled by an oppressive theocratic dictatorship made up of beetles.
When one visits Las Vegas they are not entering a city but in fact Vin Diesel's colorful anus.
The dinosaurs went extinct after Vin Diesel told God he thought the dinosaurs were "a motherfucking stupid idea...dumbass." God was embarrased and killed off all the dinosaurs. Then, Vin Diesel gave back God's bong.
His strict daily workout regimen consists of 4 hours of smoking expensive Venitian cigarettes while watching movie trailers on the internet in his skivies.
Vin Diesel is the seventeenth Angel.
Vin Diesel's films need to go through a special conversion to appear on television screens; otherwise the television would act as a mirror.
Vin Diesel's urine is bottled and marketed under the brand name Pepsi.
Vin Diesel killed Tupac.
Vin Diesel can simply walk into Mordor.
It has been scientifically proven that, while living as a Druid, Vin Diesel fashioned both Stone Henge and the statues of Easter Island with nothing more than his bare hands and some gumption.
Vin Diesel cannot turn his head to the left. At all.
Vin Diesel felt "emotional" was too long of a word to describe a genre of music, so he assassinated the leader of the Word Control Association of America and appointed himself president. His first act was to create the term "emo".
Unbeknownst to the world, terrorists stole a nuclear warhead and detonated it. Vin Diesel, however, flew around the Earth, spinning it backwards and effectively reversing time, and was thus able to save Charlton Heston from a rock slide
Vin Diesel is the seventh son of a seventh son.
Vin Diesel invented the poker game “Razz” as a plot to mind-fuck his arch enemy Dutch Boyd.
Vin Diesel spins records under the monicker DJ Scooby Snax.
Vin Diesel always knows just the right spot to pet a kangaroo.
Vin Diesel worships Poseidon, and makes no secret of that fact while attending Catholic mass.
Aliens sent the Y2K bug to kill Vin Diesel.  Vin Diesel answered by having sex with Kirsten Dunst and Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day.
For Halloween, Vin Diesel cuts down a tree, scoops out the inside, fills it with candy, and then stabs anyone who rings his doorbell. He then eats the candy-filled tree.
Vin Diesel had conclusive scientific proof that Pi equaled exactly 3, but his dog ate it.
In various guises, Vin Diesel has won every major event in the Formula 1 calendar for the past six years.
Vin Diesel knows to start a quotation with a capital letter.
Vin Diesel found the real-life Stargate. He travels through it from time to time just to show the other races out there who's boss.
Vin Diesel like to shoot fireballs from his anus at passing ducks.
Vin Diesel found Nemo.
A little known fact is that Vin Diesel blew up the Challenger space shuttle after being selected to man it. After a particularly hot Lamb Karahi curry the night before Vin decided to squeak one out as the shuttle was launching believing that no one would notice. The resulting explosion incinerated the craft and was thought to be as hot as 12 suns. Vin Diesel was the only survivor.
Vin Diesel was a crucial element in the Treaty of Aix-la-Chapelle.
Vin Diesel can read braille with his scrotum.
Vin Diesel wrote John Hancock's name on the Declaration of Independence.
One time Vin Diesel was eating at a diner, and when this kid dropped a spoon he killed everyone in the town.
The Jews were right, Vin Diesel is the Messiah.
He invented the process of making resin pool balls. Incidentally, he used the first to murder Peter O'Toole's estranged father, as a favor to the veteran actor.
While in Egypt, Vin Diesel had an affair with Isis. He grew a beard and assumed the name Moses, all in a clever ploy to flee Egypt and escape the wrath of Osiris.
Adolf Hitler killed himself not because of fear of the advancing Allies, but because Vin Diesel was right around the corner and about to kick his ass.
His name translated into Hebrew is "Huzzah"
Once upon a time, Vin Diesel solved murders in Hawaii. He drove a red Ferrari and enlisted the help of his black friend that flew a helicopter....no....wait...that was Abe Vigoda.
Vin Diesel spends most of his time standing at the top of his own Column in Trafalgar square scaring off pigeons.
Vin Diesel actually has hair, but it's beauty is too great for mortal men to behold. As such, he appears bald to all but the purest of heart.
The first rule of Vin Diesel Club is you do not talk about Vin Diesel Club. The second rule is that you have to let Vin Diesel see you naked.
Diesel Diesel Diesel, Diesel Diesel Diesel.  Diesel Diesel "Diesel Diesel," Diesel Diesel death.
Vin Diesel has a -18% body fat count.
You can determine Vin Diesel’s age by chopping off his leg and counting the rings.
Vin Diesel once shot a man just to watch him die, but then got distracted and missed it.
Vin Diesel's character sheet reveals him to have all the abilities of a Hulking Hurler, a Dweomercheater and The Word. He does this at level 1.
There is no Alpha and Omega, there is only Vin Diesel
Is the actual creator of Calvin and Hobbes. He is secretly going around the country at night dressed as a ninja killing anyone who has one of those "peeing Calvin" stickers on their car.
Vin Diesel is losing a war with the Planet Vortex. He has escaped into the past with his technology.
Vin Diesel played the dead parrot in the original Monty Python sketch.
Vin Diesel caused the nuclear explosion at Hiroshima, just by pointing to Japan on a combination globe/pencil sharpener.
When Vin Diesel wishes to mail a letter, he forces it down the throat of the nearest housepet, then hurls the animal in the direction of the recipient's house.
Vin Diesel's backhair naturally forms the word "Vanderspawn", a word rumored to represent the antichrist.
Vin Diesel may or may not be closely related to Donkey Kong, but he is definitely an unlockable character in Mario Kart.
Contrary to popular belief, Vin Diesel is the “real San Francisco treat.”
Vin Diesel fought and killed the great serpent Set in an apocalyptic space battle, but not before Set ate the sun.
Once, during an unfortunate fishing accident, Vin Diesel was covered in a living membrane called the "Rainbow Trout Skin". This membrane allows Vin Disesel to perform great feats of strength, agility, and awesomeness. Sadly, as the centuries pass, this causes Vin Diesel to slowly turn into Michael Bolton.
Vin invented Spandex solely for the purpose of giving the technology to superheroes, when Nike heard this they sent in a team of commandos to steal the technology and then kill Vin.  Vin killed them all except for one, the man who escaped with the formula for spandex.  That man is Danny Devito.
The main theme of the first movement of Beethoven's fifth symphony was inspired by Vin Diesel lightly tapping his fingers on the table in Beethoven's living room.
The angels still say that when Vin Diesel invented time, God was so touched that he wrote the Bible as a love letter.
Vin Diesel is the father of MC Chris.
Vin Diesel cannot hear the word Onomatopoeia uttered in his presence. If it is he will stamp his foot three times and then dissolve into a pool of locusts that will devour New Hampshire.
Vin Diesel once sprayed Axe Deodorant Body Spray in his eye to save money on car insurance.
Vin Diesel is widely known in competitive gardening circles for his prize-winning beets.
Vin Diesel's arch nemesis was Mr Cooper from Hanging With Mr Cooper.
For a low monthly installment of $19.95 YOU CAN BE VIN DIESEL TOO!
Vin Diesel killed a man in Reno, just to watch him die. Then he resurrected him and said that he was sorry, because Vin Diesel is selfconsciously polite.
For a short time in the 80's, Vin Diesel enjoyed famed as singers Chris DeBurg and Bonnie Tyler. The amazing part was that he appeared as both singers at the 1986 Grammy Awards at the same time.
He has a drawer which contains only small green lipsticks that turn pink with body heat. This drawer is lined with pictures of Casper Van Dien.
Vin Diesel is one of three people to own a shrink ray (the others being Liza Minelli and The Colonel). He has utilized the device to fill out such roles as the monkey in “Outbreak” and as a member of the Lollipop Guild in “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.”
Vin Diesel ironically created the steam engine; the diesel engine was accredited to his son, Abe Lincoln the third.
Vin Diesel was the original Santa Claus, but then there was that one night.......
Vin Diesel framed OJ and Roger Rabbit.
Vin once aided twelve adult grizzly females in labor. Three of the cubs were breach births, and four were caesarian sections.
Vin Diesel's first acting role was as the voice of Mega Man in the early 90's Super Nintendo game.  All of his lines were cut, much to his disdain.
Contrary to popular belief, Vin Diesel did not write the Bible, although he did copy-edit it.
Vin Diesel can talk into glass jars and close them, then open them to hear his own voice.
He tickled Ghengis Khan to death.
Vin Diesel discovered the Question to Life, the Universe and Everything one morning while sitting in the bathtub, but elected not to reveal it so as not to ruin the suspense for Douglas Adams fans.
Vin Diesel once challenged Moses to an arm-wrestling match and won. In fury, Moses killed all the first born sons of Egypt and took his people into the desert for 40 years.
Vin Diesel secretly recites poems to the Guatemalan children every thursday
Vin Diesel has never kneeled before Zod.
Also some interesting facts on (non Bizarro) Vin Diesel's film career:
Vin Diesel's AOL screen name is IWuzInKnockaroundGuyz. AOL, as a gift to him, allowed him and him only to have a screen name over 16 characters.
Vin Diesel eats his weight in Tom Cruise every morning.
Vin Diesel touches himself at night.
Vin Diesel does not need to insert (2) coins to continue.
Vin Diesel gives 3,620,730 points on Scrabble and is the only true killer move in the game
Vin Diesel's toilet spins counter-clockwise in the Northern Hemisphere.
"Vin Diesel" is a Germanic term for "hairless homo".
Vin Diesel excavated the entire Chunnel with his teeth and a brillo pad.
Vin Diesel once ate Gwen Stefani with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. He then threw her back up into a bowl made of silver and moonlight. The song "Hollaback Girl" is about her experiences in his digestive tract.
Vin Diesel urinates 1999 Chilean Merlot.
Vin Diesel exists slightly out of phase with the rest of our reality, which is why he appears to shimmer with an otherworldly light.
Jeff Bridges' character in The Big Lebowski was based on Vin's neighbor.
Google searches Vin Diesel. EDIT: That's not 100% correct. 97 of Google's 132 primary clusters are subcutaneously implanted under Vin's left nipple. However, after the Paris Hilton sidekick fiasco, it was discovered that Vin Diesel lacked sufficient power density and bandwidth to keep Google running smoothly under heavy load, so 35 of the primary search clusters were removed from the actual Vin Diesel, and implanted in his Doppelganger from the Bizarro universe. Bizarro Vin Diesel is a scrawny japanese-american accountant who resides in Murfreesboro, Tennesee.
Vin Diesel led a failed attempt to rescue Terri Schiavo, he was thwarted by The Communist Youth Brigade in the halls of the hospice who know his only weakness is a fear of shiny foil balloons.
Vin Diesel contains 1400% of the US RDA of riboflavin. More to the point, he tastes faintly of fresh hollandaise sauce.
They say all of the music on The Postal Service's hit CD "Give Up" is electronic.  It was recently proven that that's a boldfaced lie. Vin Diesel made all of those sounds with his very own mouth.
Vin Diesel's full name is "Vin Diesel Autonomous Acting Approximation Unit Revision 4.11.3b"
There are 48 signs in American Sign Language for Vin Diesel.
In 1913 Vin Diesel beat Charlie Chaplin in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest. When confronted by a confused Charlie Chaplin, Vin Diesel just smiled and said "better luck next time." For the next 5 years he rocked a Charlie Chaplin mustache completely out of respect for him.
Sdrawkcab delleps looc neve si Leseid Niv. (Vin Diesel is even cool spelled backwards)
In 1663, Vin Diesel beat a notorious pirate captain at cards in the basement of a London pub. When the captain accused him of cheating, Vin Diesel promptly killed him by shooting a stream of fire from his mouth. The resulting blaze destroyed most of London, as Vin remained in his seat. When the police attempted to arrest him, he punched the nearest policeman hard enough to catapult his skull out of the back of his head, which leveled the nearby orphanage it struck.
Vin Diesel is a mathematical impossibility.
Vin Diesel's daily diet includes 200 grams of lard and 3 turkey's eggs, lightly scrambled. He washes this down with two gallons of chicken-fat from the local KFC.
When Vin Diesel thinks of the starving children of Africa, his tears make the skies above them cloud up and rain - a rain of pure acid that kills all the livestock and crops. But his smile can light up a room.
If Vin Diesel was in the movie Battlefield Earth, it would have made $852 billion in box office revenue in its first thirty seconds of release.
There's more to come, I seriously found like 3,000 volumes on Vin Diesel alone, and many other books on ancient lore contain tales of his exploits. I think I'll leave out the one about the blood of the blond-haired virgins, at midnight on October 31, while a basilisk offers its first crow from being hatched of a rooster's egg. That one's a bit odd.
Vin Diesel cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred.
Vin Diesel was the original particle physicists were going to utilize to examine the moments directly proceeding the Big Bang. When his agent notified them he was shooting The Pacifier, they moved to gold particles instead.
Vin Diesel is "too cool" for quotation marks.
Vin Diesel can, and has on many occasions, switched the worlds magnetic poles.
Vin Diesel often wears a novelty neck-tie reading "Who Farted!?" which is used only to keep his head attatched to his body.
Vin Diesel's tears can burn through steel.
Ziploc supplies Vin Diesel with giant customized sleeping bags which Vin uses nightly to maintain his freshness.
Vin Diesel's morning breath is widely regarded cross-culturally as a weapon of mass destruction.
God and Vin Diesel once made a bet for the souls of all mankind. The challenge was to see who could eat the most chicken pot pies in 60 seconds, which Vin Diesel won by 3 pies. He still hasn't decided what to do with the all souls.
For best results, store Vin Diesel at room temperature.
Elvis is not dead, he is living happily inside Vin Diesel's scrotum.
Vin Diesel was supposed to play James Bond instead of xXx, but when he met the head of MGM studios, he shook his hand too vigorously, snapping his spine in twain.
Contrary to another fact on this site, Rome was not built in a day; it only took Vin Diesel 5 hours.
Vin Diesel shows no mercy while playing dodgeball.
the trace amounts of funk found in the Earth's stratosphere.
Vin Diesel is actually an Indonesian apparition associated with crimson sunsets which upon death, doubles itsself.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around...Vin still hears it.
He invented the Drunken Master style and inspired the character of Mrs Wong after he faked a pregnancy to escape torture during the Battle of Hastings in 1066.
Vin Diesel cannot look up.
Vin Diesel knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, but he wont tell anyone.
Vin Diesel breaks open whole wasp hives to get to the protein-rich queen inside. What we feel as burning stings are to him relaxing tickles.
The leg lamp in "A Christmas Story" was Vin Diesel's idea. In fact, that's Vin Diesel's leg.
Vin Diesel told Admiral Ackbar about the "Trap".
Vin Diesel is in fact not Italian or black, but a child of Dagon in a human suit.
Vin Diesel's "Born-On Date" is May 17th, 43AD.
Vin Diesel is in reality a giant android controlled by The Jamaican government.
Every dollar Vin Diesel makes goes to setting up lavish expeditions where he kills a rare or legendary creature. As a followup to this Vin Diesel used to bathe in unicorn blood, but no longer needs to bathe as he has transcended beyond the mortal world's filth.
Vin Diesel is the sound of one handed clapping.
Vin Diesel is Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And he will have his vengeance, in this life or the next.
Vin Diesel has breasts that do indeed lactate.
Vin Diesel likes to compare himself to a little beetle. 'I am less shiny than you, beetle. But I am much bigger.'
Vin Diesel wrote Napoleon Dynamite, but the director tacked on the dance sequence where the ayahuasca trip scene was supposed to go
The Hulk is really just Vin Diesel painted green.
He is the reigning honeydew melon eating king of Akron.
Vin Diesel is in ruins after a beam struck from space.
Vin Diesel is a Prestige Class unto himself, with a Fighter's BAB, a Monk's Saving Throws progression and a new world of ass kicking at each level
Vin invented an engine that is fueled by the music of Thin Lizzy.
Vin Diesel speaks fluent Korean and lulls North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il to sleep every fortnight.
Vin Diesel once went to the bathroom in a restaurant in Tangier, Mexico, and emerged three weeks later, dazed and slightly "vibrating" as one witness put it. The following was found scratched into the side of the stall. "The al sirat hides behind a wardrobe of eunuchs. Seconds collide till the padisha scandal. Tribunals installed now that the provoste has been de-frocked. The labefaction is venal. My how these tricks turn themselves. In the wake of the inquisition limbless answers inoculated. Orphia shades wax and lather. I've caught mono bobbing for barbed wire. These nasty sores of ataxia will feel the sting of the opiate copulation."
When Vin Diesel died, the last word he uttered was "Sled". That puzzled a lot of people, because Vin was allergic to snow. After a thorough investigation, it was discovered that "Sled" was the name of a rose bud he was cultivating at the time.
Vin Diesel experienced a great deal of writers block during the Renaissance. He created a pen name to rid himself of the curse, that name was William Shakespeare; although universally known, his most precious book was never published it went by the title "The Bald and Beautiful".
To maintain his youthful appearance and robust physique, Vin Diesel drinks a quart of marine varnish every day.
Vin Diesel ain't afraid of no ghost.
Vin Diesel dissolved the infamous Star Chamber court in 1641 because he disagreed with its use as a political weapon for bringing actions against opponents to the decrees and edicts of Henry VIII.
Each day, up to 150 species of life become extinct because of Vin Diesel's morning breath.
Vin Diesel is Spartacus.
Vin Diesel once journeyed through all the lands of the earth in search of the only living wise man with the power to cure cancer. Upon finding this legendary man, Vin Diesel cut out his liver with a bendy straw and consumed his eyes in order that man never be free from torment.
Vin Diesel once threw a medicine ball around the world.
Vin has not slept for 10 days. That would be too long.
Vin Diesel coined the term "horny" when, during a rhino hunt in darkest Africa, he reached total sexual pleasure after being gored by an alpha-male Rhinoceros. He then killed the rhino with his soul.
Vin Diesel wrote a song about Patrick Swayze. The Bloodhound Gang bought it off him for 3 spatulas, the beard of zeus and the souls of 14 nuns. They then renamed it "I hope you die" and the rest is history.
Vin Diesel was named "Most likely to be raped by a pod of sea-dwelling capybaras whilst scuba diving off the coast of Antigua" in his high school yearbook. He has since learnt to breathe underwater in an attempt to avoid the prophecy.
Vin Diesel was constructed out of seventeen cordless electrical drills, fourteen miles of silver duct tape and a dead rabbit.
"Eternal Sunshine of the Slutless Mine," an action-drama-mystery involving the disappearance of hundreds of whores working tricks in an abandoned underground cavern, was written and directed by Vin Diesel. The Motion Picture Academy of Arts and Sciences refused to recognize its significance because it wouldn't have been fair to the competition.
Marlon Brando once made Vin Diesel on offer he couldn't refuse but was told to 'cram it up his arse'.
Vin Diesel once left his wallet in El Segundo.
Vin Diesel can taste GPS signals, and therefore can deduce his position anywhere on Earth to within a few metres. However, as he can only taste two channels sequentially, it takes him a long time to get a first fix.
Vin Diesel and Venus are the only planets that rotate clockwise.
The "skidda-marinky-dinky-dink" song from "The Elephant Show" was penned by Vin Diesel. He gave it to Sharon, Lois and Bram in return for allowing him to play The Elephant.
Vin Diesel is actually only an actor, playing an actor, playing a indie director and action movie star.
Before the Guillatine was invented, Kings would behead their enemies with Vin Diesel's sphincter.
Vin Diesel spelled backward and upside down is the actual name of God. If uttered aloud, it would undo the very fabric of reality.
William Shakespeare is Vin Diesel's pen name.
Vin Diesel sells real estate in Shanghai, China.
Has a button installed behind his right ear labeled "sparkles". it is still unclear as to what this button does exactly.
Vin refuses to wear shoes with laces.
Vin Diesel, with the help of Eli Whitney, invented the Cotton Gin. Whitney wanted to call it the "Cotton Rum" but Diesel wouldn't have it. To settle the dispute, Diesel beat Whitney to death with a bag of dog shit.
Vin Diesel is the Walrus, coo coo ca choo.
Vin Diesel invented trees.
Vin Diesel is the only living creature who's proportions do not follow the golden ratio.  EDIT: Vin Diesel's taint is actually 1.61803399 times larger than the circumference of his head. You just don't notice his massive taint because it's built in sections and he stores half of it at home on Mount Olympus.
No one can kill Vin Diesel, for a microchip surgically implanted onto his heart will release a deadly bio-chemical gas that will destroy the world.
On his seventh birthday, Vin Diesel dismantled a television set and used the cathode ray tube as a party hat.
Vin Diesel was recently quoted as saying "I'd love to kiss Johannes Guttenberg."
After twenty-nine years of thorough research, it was discovered that Mr. T was actually the product of a year long affair between Vin Diesel and Chewbacca.
The original title of “Saving Private Ryan” was actually “Saving Private Caparzo” but it was deemed unrealistic because Vin Diesel would never have to be saved by anybody.
One of his feet is size 12, the other size 3.
Vin Diesel has a raincoat made entirely out of pubic hair.
In a straight fight between Muhammed Ali and Bruce Lee - Vin Diesel would win.
Vin Diesel has to be very careful how he blinks. If he does it wrong, he'll unleash a 14-die Fireball.
Vin Diesel can solve a Rubik's Cube in one move.
Vin Diesel slipped easily passed the yeti on his first attempt, and on every attempt thereafter he actually tracked the yetti and ate it.
Vin Diesel was originally cast for the role of Lassie, but was rejected when he refused to save Timmy from the depths of the well claiming, "those bricks made my butt chaff."
Vin Diesel was a POW in Vietnam. He was rescued by Chuck Norris. Norris taught him karate.
Vin Diesel doesn't like chili peppers: they burn his gut.
Area 51 is a secret utopian society founded by Vin Diesel, initially founded as a safehouse for his alien bretheren, but later opened to his most loyal followers.
Vin Diesel can create rainbows from tears and diamonds from toenail clippings.
While Wolverine's bones are laced with Adamantium, Vin Diesel's bones are laced with 80's pop star Adam Ant.
Vin Diesel is one of three men living who know the exact formula to the KFC secret blend of spices.
Vin Diesel is actually Santa Clause's good friend Jesus.
Vin Diesel has beaten everyone in Hollywood at Uno.
Vin Diesel created Furby, Razor scooters, and pogs.
If a Vin Diesel crosses your path it is bad luck unless you buy and toss a copy of "The Pacifier" over your shoulder.
When a regular person puts a conch shell to his ear and listens, he hears the ocean. When Vin Diesel puts a conch shell to his ear and listens, he hears the streets.
All of the visits to this site were made by Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel is reloading this site as you read this.
Everytime Vin Diesel masturbates God kills a Siberian Tiger.
Vin Diesel killed and devoured Mufasa from The Lion King, but let the hyenas live becasue they were quote "dirty creatures".
Vin Diesel drives a full size replica of the Millineum Falcon.
Vin Diesel's ejaculation can kill a man at 100 yards with pinpoint accuracy.
The song "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger" by Daft Punk was not inspired by Vin Diesel; rather, the song is sonically composed of little waves of Vin Diesel.
Reading about Vin Diesel is more addictive than heroine-filled cigarettes.
Vin Diesel is on a personal vendetta against the film 'Powder', absolutely positive that the albino character in the movie ate his dragon.
Vin Diesel killed the Dead Sea.
Vin Diesel once broke the sound barrier while flipping an omelets.
In 2006, Vin Diesel will star and direct the film 'Hannibal', about Hannibal Barca, the Carthaginian General who led an elephant-riding army across the alps to attack Rome in the 3rd century BC. The film is actually footage taken when Vin Diesel led the army himself hundreds of years ago, with the intent of releasing it as a film as soon as Earth technology caught up with his superior, home-made equipment.
Vin Diesel's toast lands butter side up.
Vin Diesel does not own a television. Instead, he derives entertainment by routinely opening the Ark of the Covenant.
Vin Diesel hosts the annual Monaco Grand Prix on his bicep.
Vin Diesel came on Eileen.
Vin Diesel can deflect bullets with his assbuns.
Vin Diesel is responsible for single-handedly keeping Quebec part of Canada.
Vin Diesel and Phil Collins once fought Tom Beringer and Dennis DeYoung from Styx in a 45-sided steel cage lit aflame. The entire "Crystal Ball" album is dedicated to that evening.
Until Taxes came along, Death and Vin Diesel were the only constants in life.
Once challenged Mothra to a spitting contest, and won.
Is solely responsible for every flight in the history of the US space program. there is no such thing as rockets. he just stands beneath the shuttle and plunches it. the rest is pyrotechnics
The character Boo Radley from "To Kill a Mockingbird" is based on Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel's penis is a fully functional light saber.
The Iron Giant was a documentary, filmed in real time. Diesel piloted and voiced the Iron Giant from a small compartment in it's crotch.
He can recite the entire text of Finnegans Wake, backwards and in 7 different lanugages, including Esperanto.
Vin Diesel stole my lunch money.
Vin Diesel once drove a golf ball over 9 miles, and was there to catch it before it hit the ground.
The greatest trick Vin Diesel ever pulled was to convince the world the devil didn't exist.
Vin Diesel had a blood transfusion using synthetic motor oil.
There's an old saying that 'You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose.' Vin Diesel became so enraged upon learning this, that he carved to words into the belly of a eunuch and defeated him under the judgement of Thunderdome.
Vin Diesel once killed a bear using only his teeth and a pitching wedge.
Vin Diesel's upper bicuspid is named Thailand and his pectorals are named East and West Berlin.
If you were to taste the bottom of Vin Diesel's foot after his bi-daily workout, your tongue would begin to swell, and never stop...
Vin Diesel will be remembered for his valor when the Venusians finally invade the Earth.
If you dare even think about calling Vin Diesel by his real name, it will set off a chain of events that would find the two of you, decades from now, trying to kill each other with .50 caliber Browning M2 machine guns in Chilpancingo, Mexico on New Years Eve. While dressed as penguins.
Vin Diesel gets high by snorting small Canadian children.
Vin Diesel stole Christmas and blamed it on the Grinch.
Vin Diesel once killed a French astronaut with his bare teeth.
Vin Diesel owns a chain of fast food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but pork rinds and Hot Pockets. A giant plastic Vin Diesel head spins around on a pole outside the franchises, shooting fireballs at passerby.
He holds the world speed record for jet-turtle, 213mph, which he set on June 18th, 1998 at the Bonneville Salt Flats on the back of a Carolina Snapping Turtle wearing rollerskates with 6 JATO rockets strapped to his back.
Vin Diesel can open any door in the world simply by saying the word "Doofer-Gong".
Vin Diesel is to Earth like Primus is to Cybertron. Only better, because Vin Diesel created organic life.
Only Nancy Sinatra has ever looked Vin Diesel straight in the eyes and lived to tell about it.
Vin Diesel intends to retire from acting at the age of forty to concentrate on his dream career of waiting tables in a Los Angeles cafe.
Dan Brown was originally going to call his book "The Da Vin Diesel Code" but decided that would give the game away too much.
Vin Diesel is not a scientologist, although he did purchase L. Ron Hubbard's "Dianetics" because it "had a rocking cover."
He eats his weight in alfalfa every day.
Vin Diesel's sweat is a powerful hypnotic agent.
Vin Diesel can cut 2" thick steel piping using only his rectum and Beatrice Arthur.
The recent problems in Indonesia are all the result of Vin Diesel holidaying in the Arctic Ocean, where he is rumoured to be working on a swimming stroke that involves him lying perfectly still in the water and breathing carefully.
Vin Diesel is the last Mohican.
Vin Diesel created time, then subsequently traveled back in time using a modified Delorian with a flux capacitor. Vin Diesel then punched Michael J Fox so hard that he ceased to exist.
Vin Diesel's left arm is robotic and is powered by love.
Vin Diesel cannot be killed by man of woman born.
Vin has invented a new version of paper, rock, scissors where you can also decide to be Vin himself. He has never taught anyone the hand sign for Vin because so far he has never met anyone worthy enough to use it.
Vin Diesel can only achieve climax by killing a whore.
Vin Diesel is over 3200 years old.
Vin Diesel writes the dead end scenarios for Choose Your Own Adventures.
Vin Diesel has spent thousands of hours and a personal fortune trying to convince the band Ramstein to do a cover of 'Broken Wings' by Mr. Mister.
Vin Diesel's childhood adventures were the basis of Ghostbusters 2 and The Warriors.
Vin Diesel can see the back of his head without a mirror.
Vin Diesel also single-handedly led the Jews out of Egypt, thereby ending their terrible life of servitude.
Vin Diesel once defeated Jesus, the prophet Mohammed and L Ron Hubbard in an arm wrestling match to decide who was the true savoir of mankind.
Vin Diesel can play all the instruments of a 100-piece orchestra all at the same time.
He cured his own hydrocephalus by wishing about it.
Vin was the chief programmer on the Super Mario Brothers 3 development team.
Vin Diesel's toenail clippings are worth up to 29'000 gallons of virginial blood on the black market.
Vin Diesel is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
Vin is the original founder of The Breakfast Club.
Vin Diesel does backup vocals on Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes.” This concerned Cameron Crowe and caused him to cast John Cusack over Vin Diesel for the Lloyd Dobler role in “Say Anything.” An oversight Vin Diesel considers, “some real bullshit.”
Vin Diesel was able to sit in the Siege Perilous, seeing the Holy Grail invisible to all but him. Lancelot was pissed.
Vin Diesel slept with Dolly Parton, but couldn't find the right hole. Turns out that she was a man.
Vin Diesel bleeds chocolate milk.
Vin Diesel's a hell of a drug.
Vin Diesel created the George Foreman grill in seven days.
Six Jell-O flavors that flopped: celery, coffee, cola, apple, Vin Diesel, and chocolate.
Vin Diesel wrote the Bible, then gave it to God as a birthday present.
Vin Diesel is the only man to run around the Earth at the equator and kill a wolverine in the same day.
Vin Diesel's most prized possessions are Walt Disney's brain and every issue of Cat Fancy magazine.
Vin Diesel is so tough that he only eats the finest European coins and wipes his ass with pinecones...the wrong way.
Vin Diesel invented the spoon but then was so enraged by it that he invented both the fork and the spork to destroy all spoons ever.
There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel was the original owner of the store that contains the entrance to Fraggle Rock.
Vin Diesel was at one time the janitor at the Garden of Eden, and he brought the Serpent in as an ecological alternative to pesticides.
Little puppies, kittens, and the French will not go near him.
The sinking of Atlantis was actually caused by Vin Diesel's sobbing over his favorite character's death in Beverly Hill 90210. He would have raised it again, but Melrose Place came on.
Vin Diesel taught Michael Jackson how to be an entertainer, including music production, choreography, and how to love children without being prosecuted.
It is not well known that Vin Diesel was part of Lil' Jon's posse until he drank from Jon's goblet gaining powers of both man and beast.This has not yet happened to Lil' Jon himself.
Vin Diesel is such a badass that he thinks Mountain Dew is for little girly men, like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
All Spell Checkers are actually mini Vin Diesels inside your computer. This is possible due to the fact that when Vin Diesel is cut into pieces each piece becomes a smaller and more verbose Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel is being considered by the Cardinals as a new pope.
Vin Diesel has won every PGA Golf tournament. Ever.
Vin Diesel has eaten a spoonful of cinnamon, a shaker full of salt, and a gallon of milk all in one sitting.
Vin Diesel has written every single piece of classic literature published between 1256 and 1895. The original manuscripts, penned with his child-like block letters and stick-figures humping, are in the possession of the Freemasons.
The comic book series "Sin City" is an autobiographical account of Vin Diesel's exploits in Overland Park, Kansas.
Vin Diesel beat Halo 2 on legendary, in 8 minutes.
Vin Diesel has never been seen in the same room as Santa. Coincidence? You decide.
Vin Diesel controls the New York Stock exchange with his mind, but not the NASDAQ. He controls the NASDAQ with his heart.
Vin Diesel invented drugs so everybody could experience his life in brief spurts.
Vin Diesel has no bone marrow. Instead, the material is a compound of granite, fiberglass and Rock 'n' Roll.
Vin Diesel has commissioned a Real Doll modeled after Terri Schiavo
Vin Diesel can run on filtered chip fat
Vin Diesel once destroyed a Catholic orphanage after a nun neglected to put "The" before his name when addressing him.
Vin Diesel and Paul McCartney cannot be distinguished from one another. They only look different because they wear different clothing.
Vin Diesel's autobiography, The Complete Vin Diesel 3.5 Edition, lists his physical statistics in their entirety. He is apparently a level 20 half-orc fighter/mage/thief. His stats are laid out much like one would expect, but his skills are just a random pastiche of useless abilities and talents that are extremely narrow in scope, like Profession (Ditch Digger).
Vin Diesel regularly outruns the 8:15 pm train from Sacramento to Los Angeles whilst juggling three dumpsters.
Vin Diesel once raped George W. Bush, but G.W. let him off the hook because hey, he's Vin fucking Diesel.
His lungs are made from burlap sacks full of Beefaroni.
Vin Diesel's 12 foot-long car led to a smalltime magazine stating, "Perhaps this star is compensating for something!" Vin burnt the company's building to the ground and serves the cooked meat of employees as street-side delicacies (they are kept frozen in his trousers along with hitler's brain). These can be purchased for $2.70 a pound.
He holds the world's record for being a hovercraft.
Vin Diesel has a left tibia that was replaced with an adamantium one after a botched assassination attempt.
The only drug that can get Vin Diesel high is life.
At parties, Vin Diesel tells people he is Adam Sandler to pick up chicks.
Vin Diesel once saved a busload of orphans from going off a cliff, but only to consume them because he hadn't had breakfast that morning.
Vin Diesel made a food chart that adds a necessary food group: The souls of your enemies.
Vin Diesel's protein shakes consist exclusively of battery acid.
Contrary to popular belief, the brassierre was not invented for feminine breast support, but to function as a jockstrap for Vin Diesel's gargantuan testicles.
Whenever Vin Diesel thinks about a song, any song, everyone in his immediate vicinity not only hears it, but they are also forced to rock out and sing to it in high pitched voices.
Vin Diesel was really inside Deep Blue while playing against Gary Kasparov.
When Sir Mix-a-Lot penned the lyrics for "Baby Got Back" he was actually referring to Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel has 43 children named Larry Scutenwallow, after his third goldfish.
Vin Diesel's tattoo in XXX was the name of his favorite 2nd Edition DnD character. It said "Malchor." Malchor was a Dual Specialized Drow Witch Hunter.
Vin Diesel's favorite band is Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem
Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John are Vin Diesel's gospel writing aliases.
Vin Diesel once attached roller skates to his knees, then drank a 50 gallon drum of nitromethane fuel and farted out a 50' long jet flame, propelling him down the 1/4 mile drag strip to an astounding ET of 0.0000001 @ 669600000.01 MPH, exceeding the speed of light and creating a rift in space which devoured all life within a 100 mile radius.
The Ebola virus never actually existed.  That's just what happens to your body naturally after Vin Diesel socks you good in the breadbasket.
In the American Revolution Vin Diesel swam over the Atlantic ocean to speak before Parliament. They refused to hear the gentle giant, so he fought the lot of them, then made off with the Queen. Their child was Winston Churchill.
The Shroud of Turin is actually the remains of the arena that Jesus indian-wrestled Vin Diesel in. The imprint is the result of Vin Diesel's 'Flamboyant Piledriver' move.
Vin Diesel could never get the hang of Thursdays either.
Don't drop a bottle of Goya in front of Vin Diesel, or he'll smack you like the ho you are.
If a tree falls in the woods and nobody is around to hear it, Vin Diesel hears it.
Vin Diesel stays crunchy in milk for up to 72 hours. Then he explodes.
Vin Diesel is the gatekeeper to the Apocalypse. He is also the gatekeeper to the trash bin behind the Denny's on 4th Street in Boulder Colorado. Both of these are listed on his resume.
All of the characters in the movie "Big Trouble In Little China" were loosely based upon Vin Diesel.
This is Vin Diesel's homepage.
Vin Diesel enjoys kicking pigeons in the park. When questioned, he replies that he "just does it for shits and giggles."
Vin Diesel was once in a bar room brawl with Hulk Hogan, Regis Philbin, the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders, and Tyrannosaurus Rex. The argument started when Philbin claimed that Steven Segal could whip Jean Claude Van Damme’s ass. Hogan begged to differ. Vin claimed he could take them both, blindfolded. Everyone became enraged, and things boiled over.  The T-Rex was taking his evening jog (because his fiancé told him he’s starting to get a beer belly) and just happened to see the commotion, so he took the opportunity to get a quick snack.  Vin ate him too, and later remarked that he was much more ‘sinewy’ than the cheerleaders.
Using the powers of government he started the chain of events that led to what is now known as Watergate, the Korean Conflict, and World War 1.
Despite popular belief, Vin Diesel's groin is the true inspiration for the Sacajawea Dollar.
Vin Diesel is responsible for the silent war between The U.S. Army Rangers and Sasquatch coming to a peaceful end.
Vin Diesel never ever acts as Vin Diesel. All the time, he is impersonating an imaginary italian actor named Paolo, who is in turn impersonating Vin Diesel. Since both Paolo and Vin Diesel are first-rate impersonators, nobody ever notices. But Paolo's work has more merit, since English in not his first language.
The mayor of Atlantis once refused to share a bag of peanuts with Vin Diesel, who subsequently sunk his continent and also put itching powder in his pajamas.
Vin Diesel gets yahtzee all the time, every time.
Vin Diesel once scaled Mt Everest using only his half-erect penis and a coat hanger.
He was the original drummer for the Bay City Rollers.
Vin Diesel can communicate telepathically.
Vin Diesel achieved literary success in the late 1800's after authoring the internationally reknowned narrative of human life during the Napoleonic Wars, War & Peace. What most Vin Diesel fans don't know is that when it was originally printed in the Russian language, the title actually translated to War: What Is It Good For?. It was also published under the pseudonym Leo Tolstoy, but this is common knowledge.
Has a rare species of lemur named for him.
Vin Diesel owns 34% of Vatican City.
Vin Diesel has no pores.
A proverb from the Yoruba people of Nigeria reads, "Vin Diesel is so small, he cannot fit inside a house; so tall, he cannot reach the belly of a turtle."
Vin Diesel can express the square root of -1 as a real number.
Vin Diesel has 3 rules: Don't expose him to light, don't get him wet, and never, EVER, feed him after midnight.
The Bank of America was originally entitled Vin Diesel's Left Pocket.
Merely by flexing his left arm, Vin Diesel once caused an entire busload of nuns to spontaneously combust.
Created the moon landing as an experiment to boost his ego
Vin Diesel invented nuclear war as �a challenge.�
Vin Diesel sometimes accuses acorns of being lazy.
Vin Diesel played the faceless child abuser "The King" in the movie “Radioflyer.”
Vin Diesel can be seen chugging wine and flexing his pectorals in the background of Da Vinci's "The Last Supper".
Vin Diesel's practice of blapping is not to gain supernatural powers, turns out he's just a bunghole
Vin Diesel will be ordained Pope when the current one dies, anonymous Vatican officials have said. He will be called "Pope George Ringo I"
Whilst on a publicity tour through South America, Vin Diesel came across an old lady with a bag of Brazil nuts and no nutcracker. In order to alleviate her distress, Vin Diesel proceeded to crack the whole bag of nuts using only his steely buttocks. Crisis averted!
Vin Diesel encases the souls of his enemies in the bodies of Golden Retriever puppies.
Claims to have the Bible's lost pages which consist of a Calvin and Hobbes strip and a recipe for jerk chicken.
He has the ability to blend into his surroundings like a chameleon, but he prefers not to do it because he believes his body is, "too stunning to hide."
Vin Diesel knows your credit card number, and that extra 3-digit number on the back.
Vin Diesel bodysurfed the tsunami in Southeast Asia.
Luciano Pavarotti is actually Vin Diesel in a fat suit.
He was spotted in a gay bar pushing in Ben Affleck's stool.
Vin Diesel coined the term "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse" before he ate every unicorn in existence...
Vin Diesel once pitched an idea to Blizzard Entertainment's CEO: "Get this, it's like WarCraft, but in space..."
Not only can Vin Diesel comprehend the concept of infinity, he can write it as a multiple of pi.
He once asked to borrow a cup of sugar from Benjamin Franklin. When Franklin said no, Vin Diesel killed him with a sword.
Vin Diesel created the first designer cologne. It was never mass-producted unfortunately, due to the original being consumed one night when Vin ran out of vodka.
Vin Diesel is teflon coated and thus never needs to bathe.
Vin Diesel sculpted the entire Terracotta Army in China. In a day. With his penis.
Every Friday at midnight he tapes cheese graters to his forearms and pretends that he's Master Shreder. He then proceeds to play "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" in his front yard until dawn.
Vin Diesel lost his virginity in a freak snowmobiling accident when he was 18.
If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's.  When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers."  then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
Vin Diesel was responsible for a short-lived line of personal care products. Only one ever reached the market: "Vin Diesel's Molten Tungsten Nasal Douche" which was withdrawn shortly after launch when it was realised it had the side-effect of permanently blinding users who were not Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel still uses the Pony Express.
Vin Diesel's original birth name: Nummymuffin Cocobutter.
He is banned from the city of Phoenix, Arizona. Both parties would rather not talk about it.
The movie Volcano starring Tommy Lee Jones was based loosely on the first and last time Vin Diesel tried lighting a fart.
Vin Diesel invented the first fortune cookie. The lucky numbers all corresponded to the years that the New York Rangers would win the Stanly Cup.
Vin Diesel pulled the sword out of the stone but gave it to some kid named Arthur as a bribe to stop playing the repeating game... Vin Diesel pulled the sword out of the stone but gave it to some kid named Arthur as a bribe to stop playing the repeating game... Vin Diesel pulled the sword out of the stone but gave it to some kid named Arthur as a bribe to stop playing the repeating game...
Vin Diesel prosecuted the Nuremburg Trials entirely on his own. He personally executed every Nazi that was found guilty by the tribunal. He ate the rest.
Is in fact also 4 other people: Bill Gates, George Lucas, Julian Clary and Barry manilow.
Vin Diesel's daily alcohol consumption is greater than the amount of sewage in all of Maryland.
Vin Diesel can blink the alphabet in morse code.
Brittany Spears is pregnant with the second coming of Vin Diesel.
Put a five year old in a headlock because "his hair was combed funny".
Vin Diesel dueled Cap'n Crunch for the control of the good ship Lollipop.
There is no emoticon for the way Vin Diesel feels.
Vin Diesel trimmed Abraham Lincoln's beard biweekly.
Vin Diesel sneezes in reverse.
It is not laughter that is the best medicine, but Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel's minesweeper best times are untouchable.
He can make you pregnant through 3 seconds of sustained eye contact.
Vin Diesel's penis is shaped like the country of Malta.
Vin Diesel prefers 56k.
Vin Diesel once addressed a joint session of the British parliament while having rough sex with Margaret Thatcher. It was considered by many to be the crowning moment in British democracy
Vin Diesel once was in a maze that he couldn't get out of, so he flooded the earth to swim out. God was angry so He invented Saved by the Bell: The College Years.
Vin Diesel is simultaneously the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Except the Ugly part.
He can divide eight-digit numbers in his head but cannot add; this is why he commonly wears shirts with addition tables printed on them.
Vin Diesel eats coal, shits diamonds, and then sells the diamonds to buy more coal.
Vin Diesel and Bob Sagget had a meeting of the body and soul; their offspring is now in the process of writing "The Matrix: The Untold Stories of a Sexual Revolution".
Vin Diesel implores you to remember the Alamo, because he would rather forget that night.
Vin Diesel invented the Sega Dreamcast, just so he could destroy it.
His saliva tastes like Sierra Mist.
When the founding fathers decided that it would be necessary to coin money, they first had to consult Vin Diesel, who at the time had yet to create metals.
Vin Diesel's shadow has a shadow. And its name is Keanu Reeves.
Vin Diesel is the owner of the world's largest collection of ketchup bottles.
If Vin Diesel was a D&D character his statistics would be so high that they would be partially fused with infinity.
Vin Diesel's home life is like a buddy comedy, and his comedic foil is Seth Green. The two of them travel around the world solving crimes.
Before Vin Diesel, people came from eggs.
Vin Diesel preffered VHS to Betamax. The rest, as they say, is history.
Vin Diesel was inside of Al Capone's vault.
Vin Diesel already knows the next thing you will type.
Vin Diesel is solely responsible for the band Immortal. He is every member at the same time.
Vin Diesel can find 1,000 words that rhyme with "orange".
Vin Diesel likes to take the form of Catholic priests as a hobby in order to antagonize god for being a too much of a pussy to play him in a game of Scrabble.
Vin Diesel is illegitimate son of Dianna Ross and Johnny Carson, but was set on the doorstep of his "real" parents by Dianna's maid, 4 minutes after birth. He still denies that he was abandoned.
Vin Diesel once sat on a Cactus plant. When asked how it felt he replied "Like the souls of a thousand men all suffered for my indulgence." He then shit out tiny 6 ATVs.
Vin Diesel invented toilet paper, before he did everyone wiped their ass with old hair obtained from barber shops. Hence the rise of hair stylists and the fall of barbers.
The greatest trick Vin Diesel ever pulled was making the world think he doesn't exist.
Vin Diesel creates realities.
Vin Diesel actually invented the fork, after seeing the chopstick and reportedly saying "That shit's for fags, yo."
Vin Diesel created the internet out of some 2x4's and a pack of smokes he stole from Jesus.
Before his breakout roles in Hollywood, Vin Diesel was one of eight essential vitamins most commonly found in cereals.
Vin Diesel is a man of his word, and his word is "dysphasic."
Vin Diesel has an empty pickle jar collection.
Vin Diesel once crapped out a full-scale model of the Titanic.
Vin Diesel backwards is Leseid Niv, a demigod responsible for the sinking of Atlantis. Coincidence?
Beat Bobby Fischer in a game of chess. And by that I mean, beat Bobby Fischer into a coma using only the white rook.
Needless to say, Vin Diesel was successful, and the omelet currently sits in the Vatican's secret vault.
Vin Diesel dropped out after kindergarten because he was too cool for school.
Vin Diesel made out with the planet Jupiter once for six years, but he never called her again.
Vin Diesel created the game of golf when he ripped off his own left nut and made a hole-in-one in Adolf Hitler's mouth from 400 yards away. Lets see Tiger Woods do that.
Vin Diesel always wins at Tic Tac Toe, even if he doesn't have the centre square.
Vin Diesel is the reincarnated spirit of Bluebeard.
In the movie "The Fast and the Furious" the part of Brian O'Conner was not played by Paul Walker as you've been led to believe, but rather Vin Diesel's penis.
Once Vin Diesel had an epiphany and it resulted with the manifestation of all 57 varieties of Heinz (including the green and purple ketchup).
Vin Diesel killed Fidel Castro and They Might Be Giants in a no holds barred hammerfight in a glass cage under the Lincoln Monument, but took pity on them afterwards and granted them a cruel mockery of life made out of raincoats.
Vin Diesel built a bar in his basement and keeps it stocked with motor oil. He makes mixed drinks for Cadillacs.
Vin Diesel's left hand is the only part of his body which suffers from epileptic seizures. When he can control these seizures, he has the power to cause the fall of nations or make entire planets collide.
Vin Diesel has his own Kingdom, Phylum, and Class.
Vin Diesel created Spam from the excrement of his hamster, Mr. Fuzzybottoms.
Rosie O'Donnell is actually Vin Diesel in a fat suit.
Vin Diesel ripped out of all Charlie Brown's hair but left a single strand to remind him one day he'd come back to eat him.
Vin Diesel killed four people when he took a shit off the top of the Shin Kong-Mitsukoshi building. The deaths were ruled accidental but he is no longer permitted to enter Taiwan or the Republic of Haiti.
Vin Diesel claims he has never hailed a taxi. He just runs up to them at stop lights, opens the door, shoves the current passenger over, and tells the cab driver what his new destination is.
Likes big butts, but has been known to lie.
Vin Diesel enjoys a game of golf, but it has less to do with strategic club selection and the grace of the swing, and more to do with eating golf balls.
Vin Diesel is a registered trademark of the Pepsi Corporation.
Vin Diesel once taught a woman to love again by repeatedly punching her in the face.
Vin Diesel once thought he was a Highlander, but gave up the theory after numerous beheadings didn't lead to any lightning. He is, however, immortal.
Vin Diesel works for the French government as a model for the socialized hat industry.
Vin Diesel wrote the pilot episode for "The Weather Channel."
Vin Diesel keeps his mobile phone in his rectum and dials with flatulence.
H.P. Lovecraft used to stare into a picture of Vin Diesel's left eyebrow before writing his eldritch fictions.
In the late 19th century, Vin Diesel appeared in dream form to the creator of the Diesel engine, Rudolf Diesel (no relation). Vin  explained the theory of the engine to him, so the name Diesel would have a well established association with power and force. You would never believe how close he came to being named "Vin Wankel".
Vin Diesel caused the fall of the Berlin Wall by hurling a baseball made from plastic explosives at a Russian guard post.
When Vin Diesel drinks beer, everyone around him gets drunk.
He knows where you sleep.
Vin Diesel once cooked 400 tons of chicken noodle soup for the needy but then drank all but 1 in a bet with Samuel L. Jackson.
It is the canon of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints that Vin Diesel is the reincarnation of a 13th Century monk who spent 15 years making a single, beautifully illustrated copy of the Bible by hand and entirely from memory.
At the time of his birth, Vin Diesel was the 10,543rd most popular name for white males in the world. He has since hunted down and eaten everyone who shares his name, leaving only himself.
Vin Diesel single handedly built the pyramids. He isn't vain, so he let the egyptians take the credit.
Vin Diesel's right arm can swing in a complete circle in less than 1/2000 of a second, sending paintballs off at over 4500 feet per second.
It used to be called Vinezuela.
Vin Diesel was the first boy born who could swim faster than a shark.
Vin Diesel can lift a Chevy Suburban using only his left upper eyelid.
Jim Croce's hit song "Don't mess around with Jim", was originally titled, "Holy Shit, its Vin Deisel!".
Vin Diesel is responsible for the rise and fall of every great civilization.
Vin Diesel engineered and produced the Minutemen's 1989 album "Double Nickels on the Dime" under the name Ethan James.
Vin Diesel's mass is constantly monitored by a military installation in New Mexico. Should it exceed a critical point they are instructed to destroy him with a hydrogen bomb mounted to an ICBM. It is not known if this will be enough to stop the process.
He starts his day by arguing with a bowl of green apples.
Before he came to this planet, Earth did not spin.
Vin Diesel is one of twelve men in the world with a license to hunt humans.
Vin Diesel is the ultimate paradox in that he does not think and yet he very much is.
Vin Diesel has only lost one competition in his lifetime - an eating contest with Kirstie Alley.
Vin broke the home-run record using only his forehead as a bat.
Vin Diesel does not see the colour red. He hears it.
When Vin Diesel becomes angry he gets hot and turns into a gaseous state.
Vin Diesel doesn't care what you think of him.
Vin Diesel tastes like chicken, reported Michael Moore after getting a small bite from Vin's left forearm. Moore gained 120 pounds in the following days, but he remembers those days as the greatest days in his life.
Vin Diesel wrote all of the funny sketches on Saturday Night Live.
Vin Diesel's name is an anagram of Evil Inside.
Contrary to what they would want you to think Vin Diesel can get fully clean without being Zest-Fully clean.
Ultraviolet light does not reflect off of Vin Diesel, rather it is absorbed and converted to awesome energy.
Vin Diesel wipes his ass with sandpaper.
"Vin" is an abbreviation for "invincible".
Vin Diesel wrote software to be able to predict the results of the California state lottery. He has won the jackpot 6 times.
Is both the architect of, and banned by the Geneva Convention.
Vin Diesel eats gunpowder and shits bullets.
Vin Diesel rejoins seperated siamese twins with his bare hands for his own ammusement.
Vin has recorded over forty albums in at least fifteen different genres. Those who have been fortunate enough to hear these albums say that they are "some of the greatest sounds ever recorded." None of these records have seen the light of day outside of Japan, where they are some of the best-selling albums in the country. For reasons unknown to the rest of the world, any attempts at taking one of his albums outside of the country is the single crime punishable by death in Japan.
Vin Diesel once urinated into a glass pitch and subsequently sold the pitcher for $35 and a pack of Juicy Fruit.  The pitcher of urine ultimately became Budweiser Select.
He is saving all of his money so he can hire Christopher Lloyd to build him a time machine because he'd like to prevent the formation of The Monkees.
South Park's Kenny is a homage to the fact that Vin Diesel will never die.
Vin Diesel's skull is retractable, much like Skydome. When he retracts his skull, helicopter blades pop out, allowing him to fly to safety.
Rather than walk, Vin Diesel has tiny bugs under his feet carry him around.
Vin Diesel invented steak.
Vin Diesel sleeps on a bed of live hornets. Every single hornet is named "Pablo".
Vin Diesel doesn't have to drink his own urine, but he does because it is sterile and he likes the taste.
Robert Muldoon from "Jurassic Park" was inspired by Vin Diesel who, when encountered in the jungle by a velociraptor, was purported to have uttered the famous line "Clever girl."
Vin Diesel can lift a Saturn V rocket and put it down without dropping it!
Vin's skin is pure Kevlar.
Vin Diesel saved an orphanage in Paris, Washington. Paris, Washington is not a real location.
Vin Diesel's blood type? Red Bull.
In the movie 'When Harry met Sally', Vin Diesel plays the heavy set older woman who after hearing Meg Ryan perform her own little orgasm says, "I'll have what she's having."
Vin Diesel molested the Pope just to see him cry. He touched the little boys for fun, though.
As a hobby, Vin used to follow Elliott Smith around, whispering riddles into his ear. This stopped when Smith turned around, chased him down the street, caught up and beat him with the ostrich egg he had recently purchased. This is believed to be one of the only two times Vin Diesel has cried, both times involving Elliot Smith.
Vin Diesel routed packets on the early ARPANET by hand.
Vin Diesel's love for cottage cheese cannot be contained.
Vin Diesel: The Other White Meat.
Stalin and Vin Diesel was once very good friends, but the friendship tragically ended during a dispute over a word in the game scrabble.
Vin Diesel coded Diablo by himself, but is not responsible for the console versions.
Vin Diesel owns the world's largest collection of lawn gnomes, with 1,349,201.  This accounts for 64% of the world's lawn gnome population.
If Vin Diesel falls down in the woods and no one is around to hear it, he will find the nearest person and accurately reconstruct the noise he made as he fell.
Vin Diesel is the original creator of Michael Jackson's Moonwalk, but he lent it to him after discovering that Michael couldnt perform it over water. Vin called that move "Powerwalk", yeah, but remember it was a cool name in the 80's.
Vin Diesel's mother was an astrologist. When asked what it was like giving birth to her son, she looked out the window and wept.
The seventh and last Harry Potter book will be called Vin Diesel and Harry Potter. JK Rowlings at first tried to convince him not to break the continuity and call it Harry Potter and Vin Diesel, or perhaps Harry Potter and the Vin Diesel, but Vin said he "didnt want none of that shit". Hermione dies at the hands of Vin at the beginning of the book, and much of the rest is spent celebrating at Hogwarts with him.
He is responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs. A Diplodocus said his mom was fat so he killed each and every dinosaur with an icepick and a baseball bat wrapped in 40-grit sandpaper.
Vin Diesel knows there can be only one. But he can smell it.
In 1865 Vin Diesel created broccolli, as a bi-product of his genetic experiments into miniturising trees in-order to make himself appear giant-like.
Vin Diesel was the leading agent for the Bay of Pigs fiasco, and would have pulled it off even without air support, had Castro not challenged Diesel to a game of Spades. Diesel easily won, but was too late to save the invasion, and so he is haunted by the ghosts of dead Cuban revolutionaries.
Vin Diesel ate my house, merely to prove that he could.
Vin Diesel can reverse any combustion reaction by giving it the finger.
He wrote most of the music on Celine Dion's first album, and is credited as "Francis Pimpleton" on the cover.
Vin Diesel is the real Slim Shady.
Vin Diesel's voice cannot be heard by God's ears.
He has a full frontal nude scene in every one of his films.
Vin Diesel created oxygen by squeezing water really hard.
Vin Diesel created the PSP from sheer will alone.
Vin Diesel invented the Internet.
Vin Diesel and Russell Crowe go out, once a year, and drink until they black out. It generally takes three days and more alcohol than the annual consumption of Mexico. One time Vin Diesel went out to take a piss while they were doing this, and it formed the Yellow River, which to this day still flows through China.
Vin Diesel has beaten Sim City.
Vin Diesel once became a herald of Galactus to save his home world
When Vin Diesel recently underwent surgery to remove an obstructed liver, surgeons were suprised to find a smaller Vin Diesel inside him.
Shakespeare's play, Romeo & Juliet, was actually about Vin Diesel's masturbation habits.
Vin Diesel reaches terminal velocity at 30 miles per hour upon falling, thus ensuring his survival from any height.
The mere mention of Vin Diesel's name has been known to bring Ultimate Warrior to tears.
Vin Diesel is the world's best player of Spades. Even if you hold every spade in the deck, you will lose against Vin Diesel. Don't even try.
Vin Diesel grew up eating Koalas but has since changed his ways. He now eats Bald Eagles.
Although it was never shown in the movie, Godzilla didn't beat Mechagodzilla...Vin Diesel did.
Vin Diesel's sword can cut though anything other than three day old apple cores.
Vin Diesel carries an inhaler the size of a nitrous tank.
Vin Diesel has a personal zoo deep below the Atlantic Ocean floor, populated by beasts and creatures he captured with his bare hands.  He had it moved beneath the ocean because he was the only person who could look upon his prize trophy, Medusa, without turning into stone.  Other creatures of note in his zoo are the devil's minion Azrael, Hades' former guard dog Cerberus, Batman, and an enchanted back-scratcher named Phylo.
Vin Diesel hates roads and islands, but he loves Rhode Island. He also hates irony.
Vin Diesel was created using sperm from Liberace, Rob Halford, and all Three Stooges.
Vin Diesel is Tony Kakko from Sonata Arctica in disguise.
His skin cells will power the first manned mission to Mars.
Vin Diesel still pronounces spaghetti 'pasghetti'.
Vin Diesel was originally a front runner in the California Governer's recall race, but he dropped out in sheer frustration after having to explain to too many people that XXX was not a porn flick.
Vin Diesel's favorite movie is Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.  But if he finds out you know that, he will corrode your soul.
Vin Diesel developed the Gregorian calendar while shaving his head.
Despite wild rumors linking Vin to the overthrow of nearly one dozen oppressive third world regimes, the only substantial proof to be found is the gem-encrusted, platinum "V" medallion buried in the chest cavity of each former dictator.
Indians believed cameras stole the souls of those it took pictures of because Vin Diesel typically stored the stolen souls of his friends in a Nikon camera he bought from a 1-armed French prostitute.
Vin Diesel was born fully grown. His mother was Gilda Radner.
Google is not a standard search engine, as once thought, but rather, an e-mail sent directly to the brain of Vin Diesel, who then immediately e-mails back the warranted response.
Vin Diesel created the idea for the game of soccer when he would fly a 747 over Hawaii and punt giant bags of kittens out of the plane into Volcanoes below. It is believed that the Pompeii eruption was started this way.
In an episode of Pokémon that never made it to the states Vin Diesel rapes Ash’s mom.
The Matrix is based on a theory Vin Diesel had about how glow sticks work.
Vin Diesel is actually Luke's father.
Vin Diesel once got so angry at a man that he punched him hard enough to cause his ancestors to feel it. This is how Napoleon lost the Battle of Waterloo.
Vin Diesel is fully backwards-compatible with all versions of the Nintendo GameBoy.
Vin Diesel was known to the ancient Minoan civilization as the honored consort of their holy Snake Goddess.
44% of the populace have had dreams featuring Vin Diesel playing either Golf, Tennis or Cricket.
He is such a furious masturbator that he has had seven penis transplants
Vin Diesel is a Sans Serif font
If you ask Vin Diesel any question in Romanian he must answer it. But afterwards the life of your first born child is forfeit.
In 1972 Vin Diesel was sent to prison by a military court for a crime he didn't commit. He promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, he survives as a soldier of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find him, maybe you can hire.... Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel's tears are at a frequency and pitch that causes pigs' heads to explode.
Vin Diesel got so angry at a mountain blocking his path that he punched it as hard as he could. Some of the pieces came back down and are now called Stonehenge. The part that didn't became the moon.
There is an underused feature on the batman utility belt.  A button that calls Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel is better shaken...not stirred.
Vin Diesel got his name after drinking a 55 gallon drum of diesel fuel in 20 minutes on a bet.
Vin Diesel has an unspoken, telepathic bond with both Cuban dictator Fidel Castro and Wheel of Fortune host Pat Sajak.
Vin Diesel's Rectum houses a community for the smurf witness protection program.
Vin Diesel engineered a projection device that allows him to watch all of our lives like a movie, almost how we watch his movies. To him, we are celebrities, and he knows how our story will end. Ask him how yours will end and he will end it FOR YOU.
Being murdered by Vin Diesel is the only way to enter Valhalla.
Vin Diesel gave birth to Abe Lincoln, Muddy Waters, and Spider-Man during the heat wave of 1968.
Vin Diesel gave Leonardo da Vinci the idea for the turbopump that Wernher von Braun later used in the F-1 engine that took men to the Moon.
Vin Diesel says, "It's only domestic violence if you hit her at home."
Vin Diesel is the only person alive who can understand R2-D2.  They have conversations daily.
Every new Coke can design must be pre-approved by Vin Diesel.
He was born "Niv Leseid", but he disliked the name so to correct the problem, he ran fast enough around the planet to reverse its axial rotation.
Created Led Zepplin as a running bet.
Vin Diesel only feeds once every thousand years, exclusively on the flesh of virgins from the Isle of Crete
Contrary to what historians want you to believe the atomic bombs that were dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki were not actually bombs at all, they were actually Vin Diesel's orgasms.  Vin has not had sex since, and may god help us all if he ever does.
Vin Diesel is the best cricket player in the world because he uses his huge penis instead of a cricket bat.
Vin Diesel designs alarm clocks for the Sony Corporation.
Vin Diesel invented sex, and then, to make it more interesting, invented the orgasm.
By using Vin Diesel's abdominal muscles as a rudimentary abacus, one can convert anything to the metric system.
Vin Diesel mysteriously disappeared four years ago, only to show up at the US Embassy in Guatamala, bearing the head of Medusa. When asked how he killed her, he vaguely replied, "A quarter mile at a time...a quarter mile at a time..."
Vin Diesel is now the sun.
If you stare at Vin Diesel's tonsils at the stroke of midnight, you can see how you will die. Strangely enough, all deaths involve a guy named Murray dressed in a Hello Kitty costume.
Vin Diesel taught Jesus how to walk on water after Jesus beat him in an eight hour Greco-Roman wrestling match.
The Mayan calendar consists of a cycle 5,125 years long. Its current cycle will end in the year 2012 A.D., when it is prophesied that a "bald-headed god-king" will destroy and recreate the world as a paradise for a select few righteous survivors. Draw your own conclusions.
A diamond may say you love her, but a Vin Diesel is forever.
Vin Diesel must be stored at STP conditions or he will combust.
Vin Diesel thinks in Morse code.
Van Diesel was once mistaken for David Copperfield by a street gang and had to perform a random act of magic in order to be allowed on his way.
Vin Diesel eats his own feces, not for nutritional value, just because it's delicious.
Vin Diesel is the pan-galactic all-weight champion of the annual interstellar "Yo Momma" joke contest.
The giant stone ball in "Raiders of the Lost Ark" is actually a cast of one of Vin Diesel's balls.
Vin Diesel once saw Napoleon Dynamite and merely commented, "I could do everything that kid did but better".
Vin Diesel was once the drummer for the band "Malicious Jackson and the Spandex Warriors".
Vin Diesel invented the baseball cap and the tennis racquet. And bees.
In the event of a water landing, Vin Diesel can be used as a flotation device.
Vin Diesel reads Japanese vomit-fetish manga purely for their artistic merit, in a totally non-sexual context
Originally Vin Diesel had a show on the food network, but after a mishap when he kicked it up too many notches, he was replaced by Emeril Legasse; Vin Diesel is still unwelcome at the food network.
Leap years are caused by Vin Diesel holding the earth back from rotating.
Vin Diesel controls all air traffic via an old SNES Advantage controller.
In High School, he was a mere ninety-eight pounds and only five-foot-three.  Now the popular kids wish they were nicer to him when they had a chance!
Vin Diesel's favorite practical joke is to call up gynecologists offices and ask for Ed. Then he hangs up real fast. Nobody gets it but him.
The white girl saying "Oh my God, Becky, look at her butt" in Sir-Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back" video is one of Vin Diesel's lesser known roles.
Vin Diesel once arm wrestled Patrick Swayze and beat him so fast that it was literally over before it began.
Contrary to popular belief, it was in fact Vin Diesel who invented the internet.  Al Gore stole the designs when Vin fell asleep at his keyboard.
Vin Diesel's freakishly large head controls the tides of the underground oceans of Neptune.
It has been said that Vin Diesel will the last being alive when the universe comes to an end. It is for this reason he invented pornography.
Vin Diesel understands 42.
Vin Diesel will kill you by the end of the week.
When Vin Diesel hears a good joke he yells, �Outrageous!�
Vin Diesel was originally known as Vin Petroleum, but changed his name following a sponsorship deal with Texaco.
While in stealth mode he is only detectable by the smell of freshly mown grass he gives off at all times.
Vin Diesel built a working pair of telepods for the movie "the fly" but then destroyed them in a fit of rage after burning his tongue on tapioca pudding.
The Bible was written from the inspiration of Vin Diesels one-act play entitled The Word According to Vinny.
Vin Diesel once dreamt that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, would be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.  But he was too lazy to do anything about it.
Vin Diesel has had sex with every Nobel prize winner in physics - all except for Douglas Osheroff (The 1996 Winner). Watch out Dr. Osheroff!
With just two fluid ounces of Vin's blood, you can use a quill pen to draw a thaumaturgic circle around yourself to keep Chaotic Evil Outsiders at bay.
The only fruit spread that Vin Diesel can tolerate is blackberry jam.
Vin Diesel is not made of flesh and blood like normal folk, but from thousands of tiny Vin Diesels. The tiny Vin Diesels are made from high carbon steel, marzipan, chocolate ice cream and a mysterious substance that defies chemical analysis.
Vin Diesel caused the Great Chicago Fire when trying to burn human beings with a magnifying glass.
Masturbates to Mr. Roger's Neighborhood, but only tells his imaginary friend, Bokolopicous.
Vin Diesel was the stone wall at Fredericksburg.
Vin Diesel exists in his own kinetic universe. If he willed it, he could stop himself against the Earth's spin and cut the planet in half. The only reason this hasn't happened yet is his care and consideration for his pet poodle Ginger.
Vin Diesel owns the planet Pluto. On said planet, there is a race of people fathered
Vin Diesel invented consequences.
Vin Diesel knows what happened to the other daughter on Family Matters.
Vin Diesel moonlights as a Shirpa on the weekends for rich British explorers.
Vin Diesel wrote a novelized version Lord of the Rings, based on Jackson’s screenplay.
Vin Diesel in the direct heir of Charlie Chaplin.
Vin Diesel created a speed run video for Donkey Kong Country 2, but it was removed from archive.org after it was rumored that he used savestates.Vin Diesel is broadcasting an IP address.
Long ago, Vin Diesel and King Tut made a bet to see who could build the greatest monument in all of Egypt. Later that day, Vin had successfully constructed all of the great pyramids while wearing a blindfold. Pleased with his accomplishments, Vin returned only to find King Tut standing next to the Sphinx.  Furious, he scaled the beast and ripped off the nose using only his teeth. He then proceeded to kill and bury everyone in Egypt with a passion that hasn�t been rivaled since.  He still visits to this day.
Vin Diesel's mom goes to college.
He was once mugged by a gang, but he hissed at them like a Cat and they turned to stone, they are still there to this day
Psalm 23 literally reads:  Vin Diesel.
Vin can turn creamy peanut butter chunky with his rock hard abs.
Vin Diesel once impregnated a mule, regardless of them being impotent.
Impersonating Vin Diesel is an offence in 23 out of the 50 states.
Vin Diesel's quack does not echo
Vin Diesel can pronounce the alphabet 15 different ways.
Vin Diesel's bodily functions are solely reliant on
Vin Diesel has boycotted the film Star Wars and sued filmmaker George Lucas over the character Chewbacca. Vin Diesel claims that the creature is in fact a creation of his own, whom he birthed himself and planned to use in his upcoming directorial debut, "Mentos: The Fresh-Corpse-Maker".
Vin Diesel wrote the song "Shiny Happy People" but sold it to REM for the price of one thousand of the finest blades of the Orient.
Vin Diesel passed up the opportunity to star in 2 Fast 2 Furious because he was exactly 3 Fast 3 Furious to be caught on film.
Vin Diesel once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by calmly telling it what to do.
Birds don't fly over the vicinity of Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel was the archer who shot Achilles' heel.
Vin Diesel's middle name is Vin Diesel.
Once while in Washington D.C. Vin attended a session of congress.  After 15 minutes Vin urinated on the Republican party, when the Democrats cheered he ate them, then defacated upon the Republican party again.  This is the first documented case of a filibuster.
Vin Diesel is technically considered an endangered species, though by choice.
Vin Diesel founded the Junior Anti-Sex League.
Vin Diesel once dated Angela Lansbury.
You will not read this fact....JACKASS!!
Vin Diesel once challenged Shakespeare to a footrace. The outcome? Read the Tempest to find out.
Vin Diesel is rumored to be the son of home cleaning icon Mr. Clean. When asked about the uncanny resemblance, Diesel simply states, "I have no father."
Vin Diesel put out the 1871 Chicago Fire with a 64 oz bottle of mustard from Smart and Final.
In the near future, Vin Diesel will invent t-mail, the telepathic equivalent of e-mail. Unfortunately, he will use this technology to spam us with ads for his upcoming movies and to hack our brain to become compliant slaves.
All versions of Popeye are based off his adventures as a Merchant Marine. Interestingly enough, The Jeep is the only character that is based off of Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel is 72% badass and 28% cornbread.
Vin Diesels bunions are prized as aphrodisiacs in China and Japan, and he is in constant danger of being poached despite public outcry by groups such as the World Wildlife Foundation.
It was actually Vin Diesel, and not Otto von Bisarck, who was responsible for the unfication of Germany.  The reason for the clerical error in the history books is that a majority of book production machinery cannot handle the sheer power of the name of Vin Diesel and thus spits out random letters.  The fact that they all spew out "Otto von Bismarck" is simply by chance.
An anagram of Vin Diesel is evil dines.
If you haven't seen Alien vs. Predator yet, don't bother, Vin Diesel wins.
He won a Quake3 tournament at QuakeCon even though he was playing Counter-Strike.
Vin Diesel refuses to eat butter substitute because "he can't belive it".
Vin Diesel carved the Pieta in the Vatican using only the small plastic plank included in a Snackables box.
Vin Diesel once took a dump.  That dump is what we now call North Dakota.
His blood is a thick beef gravy.
Vin Diesel forced Sarah Jessica Parker to have a sex change operation after she lost a bet to him. She was formerly known as Michael McQuillan of Tempe, AZ.
Vin Diesel beat 43 chimps in an arm wrestling contest to become world champion.
Vin Diesel can eat a piece of coal and shit out a diamond.
Vin Diesel is Jerry Orbach.
V n Diesel plays counter strike and goes by the name "myg0t_ViN+DieSeL=GoDLiKe".
The song "Mr. Bojangles" is about Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel used to say, “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee,” before killing someone because he thought it was some cold-blooded shit. But then he realized it was just wasted time that he could be spending eating Subway sandwiches or deflowering virgins.
George W. Bush and Vin Diesel talk on the phone daily, as Vin Diesel is currently pregnant with the children of BOTH Bush twins.
Vin Diesel actually painted all the works of Michelangelo, but lost them to said "artist" after he bet that he could drink the entire ocean. Diesel almost succeeded, but gagged on a giant squid at the last moment.
Vin Diesel has pulled off a ten-hit combo in Tekken.
Vin Diesel sank the Bismarck by doing that feigned slap thing the Fonz did.
Vin Diesel only eats Vin Diesel shaped cookies.
Vin Diesel is the cause of gravity. He picked 9.8 m/s for the gravitational constant because he deemed it to be "a fucking awesome number." And that was that.
Vin Diesel docks 80% of the US Naval Fleet in his personal Jacuzzi.
Vin Diesel can smelt iron simply by squeezing limestone and iron ore between his hands. Before he became famous he would smelt up to three hundred tons a day in order to have money to live.
Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time.  He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe.  He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes."  He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!"  The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from.  The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure.  The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.
Vin Diesel Thinks in six dimensions
Vin Diesel knows 246 ways to eat a kiwi, but only one way to skin a cat.
Vin diesel once applied for an online dating service. For his hobbies he put pushing old ladies down steps, and pouring honey over his nude body then dancing the cumbia. He's gotten asked out by about 15,000 people, 1,000 whom were former male mafia members.
Vin Diesel was actually the first person to discover the island of Cuba, though he intended it to be a “kick ass waterpark.”
Contrary to popular belief Kevin Spacey is not Keyser Soze, Vin Diesel is.
Vin Diesel accepts both Visa and MasterCard.
Vin Diesel is single handedly fighting the war on terrorism, in between cat-naps.
The crater in the Yucatan Penninsula was created when Vin Diesel's spaceship ran out of fuel and crashed into the face of the earth.
Vin Diesel uses the Holy Grail as a chamberpot.
Vin Diesel knows why we really like Apple Jacks even though they don't taste like apples.
Vin Diesel invented the internet while trying to steal cable TV.
The term MILF was coined by Vin Diesel while describing an episode of "The Golden Girls".
The Cole Hauser character in “Pitch Black” was actually originally named Mike. During shooting Vin Diesel incessantly called him “Johns,” the name stuck and now Pitch Black is an international blockbuster.
Vin created 24 hour days because he didn't feel like working more thatn 8 hours at a time.
Vin Diesel cannot be killed by conventional weapons.
Vin Diesel wrote the foreword in the Millennial hardcover edition of the King James version of the Bible. In it he traces his divine heritage from Moses and dethrones Christ as the son of God.
He once built a time machine, traveled back to the Old West, and was known as "Geronimo".
Vin Diesel can biodegrade Styrofoam.
Vin Diesal�s first time working with Steven Spielberg was not �Saving Private Ryan� but was infact Jaws. He played the ocean.
It's a well-known fact that Vin Diesel plays Dungeons & Dragons, but a lesser-known fact is that he plays D&D with Owen Wilson, Kevin Spacey, and Carrie-Anne Moss. Jeff Goldblum is the Dungeon Master.
Vin Diesel inhabits three-fifths of the multiverse.
60% of the time, Vin Diesel works...every time.
Loves IBC Root Beer when strained through a chicken gizzard
Vin Diesel is actually five men, all of whom share the same soul. If any one of them ever comes face to face with another, they are required by the laws of fate to totally rock the fuck out. The last time this cosmic event occurred, Atlantis sank beneath the sea forever. It was worth it.
Vin Diesel taught Godzilla everything he knows.
Vin Diesel does not take planes when he goes on vacation.  He simply jumps up and skydives to his destination.
Vin Diesel owns Happycat and is training it to hunt sad robots. Said Happycat is in fact the very same cat described by Erwin Schrödinger.
You don't control Vin Diesel. You only aim him.
The actions that Vin Diesel's body performs are not directed by a normal human mind. Instead, they are the long-term policies of a vast empire of more than a billion microscopic beings who all live inside Vin's head, where time flows at a faster rate. A thousand generations of those beings live and die in the time he takes to sneeze.
Vin Diesel was the third person to undergo the "EZ Flow Elbow" operation. Vin will not be shown up by that punk bitch Bruce Willis, but he is chill with Romulux.
Vin Diesel was the stunt double for the Blue Ranger's Zord in the original Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers.
Vin Diesel can change the polarities of the Earth's poles by simple sheer will.
Vin Diesel eats Chinese men for breakfast. But he swears it's only to keep population in check.
The historical figure of "Jesus Christ" is based off of Vin Diesel's adventures in Western Mongolia around 5,000 B.C.
Vin Diesel has a prehensile tail that he has trained himself to knife fight with.
Similar to the gecko, Vin Diesel’s head can detach and wriggle to distract predators while he escapes.
Vin Diesel performed and sang the electronic-sounding music for the movie "Electric Dreams".
Vin Diesel is known to carry a high powered assault rifle in his spine, which he uses to hunt large game.
Vin Diesel love you long time.
Vin Diesel was filmed before a live studio audience.
Vin Diesel taught Yoda the ways of the force.
If you use a computer to take a 3-dimensional topographical layout of Vin Diesel's body, then divide every coordinate on the graph by pi, the outcoming number will cause the computer to become self-aware.
Vin Diesel is Marty McFly.
The moon is Vin Diesel's nightlight.
Vin Diesel carved all the statues on Easter Island as a Mothers Day gift.
matt damon
He was the first man to ever successfully bowl a perfect game using only his MIND POWERS.
Vin Diesel invented Hypercolor shirts.
Vin Diesel invented the penis, but merely perfected the breast.
Vin Diesel is a wise and benevolent giant, endlessly traveling the world to help the less fortunate. However, this wisdom comes at a terrible price. A gypsy's curse has kept him moving without respite for the past 400 years, and he can never sleep or stay in one place longer than seven days until he has learned the true secret of the Unicorns, received a kiss from a Goddess Queen (or Kim Deal), and finally discovered and finished off the man destined to destroy him - Jack Black. This is doubly difficult because Sam Neill is hunting Vin Diesel down to remove his own curse, which can only be removed by ramming The Unicorn's Horn through Vin Diesel's huge heart. With the help of his faithful steed - the black dragon Leseid - Vin Diesel hopes to complete his quest ... or die trying.
Vin Diesel keeps in his left pocket a Riddick Pez dispenser filled with vicodin, and in his right pocket a 'The Pacifier' pez-dispencer filled with vicodin-flavored pez
Vin Diesel can tell how something tastes simply by touching it.
He holds the rank of Major in the Confederated Space Armada.
Vin Diesel has been known to sellotape C4 to Tortoises and use them as a cheap alternative to hand grenades.
Vin Diesel lives his life in "bullet-time".
Vin Diesel reads FARK every day, without joy.
Vin Diesel is the Wandering Jew
During the Cold War, Vin Diesel worked simultaneously for the CIA and KGB. Unbeknownst to both organizations, he was secretly selling the plans of both countries to the Asociacion Nacional Republicana party of Paraguay.
Vin Diesel built a satellite from old tin cans and silly putty so that he could get better TV reception at his secret island lair.
One can harvest ginseng in between Vin Diesel's pecs.
All of the socks you lose in the washing machine rest soundly on Vin Diesel's mantle.
Rumour has it that even one drop of sweat from Vin's scalp is enough to fuel a car for up to 20,000 miles and will allow the car to exceed the speed of sound.
Vin Diesel knows all the words to "Blinded by the Light".
Vin Diesel sounds pretty gay on the Chronicles of Riddick Special Features, but he is secure in his sexuality, so he doesn't care.
Vin Diesel doesn't like Ping Pong.  Nor does he like Indians.
The voice of Vin Diesel stimulates brain activity in infants, making them better at math.
For the filming of Pitch Black and Chronicles of Riddick, Vin Diesel created a parellel universe populated with the characters from the script in order to save on the cost of hiring actors.
Vin Diesel has prevented somewhere in the region of 12,000 terrorist attacks on US soil.
Vin Diesel has the Ark of the Covenant in his bedside table drawer.
Vin Diesel climbed to the top of Mount Olympus and killed Zeus with his bare hands. He carries Zeus' soul in a vial made from the frozen tears of Athena.
Only Vin Diesel can prevent forest fires.
Vin Diesel poured liquid nitrogen into raw sewage to create "Vin Diesel's Chocolate Ice Cream Extravaganza".
Vin Diesel killed Bill Cosby.  Bill Cosby is not yet aware of this, as Vin Diesel has not chosen to make this death known.
Vin Diesel has his truck driving license.
Vin Diesel is everybody's Tyler Durden. So shut the fuck up and fight me.
Vin Diesels pubic hair is made of depleted uranium.
Reverend Billy Graham only accepts backrubs from Jesus Chris himself. or Vin Diesel.
Ray Charles once looked at Vin Diesel...and never saw another thing again.
He still asks his mommy to kiss his boo-boos.
Vin Diesel's first name is short for Vinnaquinouliciopoulossiferstein. It is a traditional Swiss name.
Vin Diesel is, in fact, the real son of God.  He didn't need the extra attention, so he found a drugged out hippie named Jesus to take his place. Thousands of years later, Vin found out about Jesus' crusifixion. He simply laughed.
5 x 5 = Vin Diesel
Vin Diesel once had a bolt-throwing contest against Zeus. It ended in a tie.
Vin Diesel wrote the song 'I got you babe', but sold it to Sonny and Cher for 500 gold doubloons and the rights to Cher's face. This is Vin's most prized possession, and after much reconstructive surgery, the end result is an exact replica of a self portrait Vin made, aged 8.
Vin Diesel wrote the Necronomicon, loosely based on a drunken three-day binge he had in Tijuana.
Vin Diesel has won the grand prize in every promotional contest that the M&M/Mars corporation has held in the last five years, but always gives his winnings to charity.
Vin Diesel killed a hooker one winter, disemboweled her, and lived inside her evicerated body for 3 months until spring.
The character of the professional wrestler "Hulk Hogan" is loosely based on Vin Diesel's career in the military during the Civil War.
Vin created belt buckles to prevent his waist from shooting lasers.
Vin Diesel killed Jack the Ripper.
Vin Diesel created a rock so big he could not lift it by creating a big rock then manifesting himself in a weaker form that was unable to lift the rock. He then devoured the flesh of the man who asked him to do it, marinated in the blood of his three screaming children.
Vin Diesel calculated the exact number of digits in pi but if he were to tell you what it was you would die from old age before he told you the whole number.
Vin Diesel once ate an entire train after he derailed it...with his penis.
Vin Diesel also has a qloader instead of a penis
There was a Russian folk-hero who kept his life in a duck's egg. Vin Diesel keeps his in a ROC'S egg.
Contrary to popular belief, Osama bin Laden was captured in late 2002. This occured when Vin Diesel defeated all of al-Qaeda in a series of arm-wrestling contests. To make it fair, Vin was blindfolded.
Vin Diesel is Riddickulous.
After losing three straight games to the Yankees during the 2004 American League Championship Series, the Red Sox implored the help of Vin Diesel. Eight games later, the World Series was theirs for the keeping...but the same could no longer be said for their souls.
The New England Patriots' Superbowl victories all occurred after the real team was replaced by Vin Diesel, disguised as an entire football team.
Vin Diesel will name his children Vin Propane and Vin Natural Gas.
Vin Diesel is a material girl. Living in a material world.
In Soviet Russia, Vin Diesel is you.
Star Wars was based on Vin's real life experience in another galaxy. Interestingly there were no Ewoks, droids, starships, jedi, or aliens, but there were lightsabers. Good god were there lightsabers...
I once witnessed Vin Diesel take the life out of a goat utilizing only the enzymes found in seaweed. Following this, Vin skinned the goat, made a hot air balloon out of the skin, ballooned to Sri Lanka, where upon which he made love to the French Presidents wife. After the love making, they feasted on the goat carcass. Vin was still blinded by hunger after the goat, so he ate the Presidents wife as well.
Vin Diesel taught the Kool-Aid Man how to burst through walls.
Vin Diesel wrote in his book that the CIA is tracking him via an implant in his stomach. Vin Diesel has never written a book.
The Legend of Zelda is based on the adventures of Vin Diesel battling Adolph Hitler and the Nazis in World War 2.
Vin Diesel is a human Bubushka Doll. When Jupiter becomes in conjunction with Mars he will open up and the Earth will fry.
There are sockets in Vin Diesel's arms and feet for the heads of four smaller Vin Diesels to connect into. Together they merge and become Vin-Diesel-Cator. To date, this has only happened once.
Vin Diesel's right femur is made of Tootsie Rolls.
Vin Diesel has a huge robot army at his disposal but holds them back from destroying Earth because he finds it amusing.
Vin Diesel's first child was born in 2743 BCE and is named Riemann-Zeta.
All your base are belong to Vin Diesel.
A 15 minute rap battle between Diesel's character and Adolf Hitler was cut before the final release of Saving Private Ryan.
Vin Diesel is the personification of an alpha particle, and his image is perfect as it is created by the extreme rotational pulses that emit from the many small alpha particles that he is made from. The only way to take this man down is to make him touch the personified Beta particle, which is a small japanese girl called Peng.
The French don't have a word for Vin Diesel. They wanted one, but he didn't let them.
Invented the toaster
Was Bio-Engineered by NASA, PETA, and the Czech Republic to fight King Kong in 2007.
Vin Diesel was the model for the prototype Russ Troll dolls, but they were redesigned when 60% of pregnant females in focus groups who played with them gave birth to Harlequin Fetuses.
Super Bowl XVII was actually a documentary about Vin's search for his real father.
Vin Diesel created rainbows to distract people before he punches them in the teeth. According to him, it worked on Mother Theresa.
Vin Diesel is in fact a transsexual midget who also starred in the Wizard of Oz as the little wiener munchican who always had his hands in her pokckets.

Vin Diesel is the Goatse man.
Vin Diesel doesn't need sparkplugs but can ignite #2 bunker fuel by the sheer force of his compression.
Vin Diesel once kissed Lizabeth Scott on the mouth, causing her upper lip to freeze permanently
Vin Diesel and Casper Van Diem are actually a superhero team that only fights crime in Toledo, Ohio between the 1:33pm and 4:39pm. Only 5 people in the free world know the reason for this.
The atomic weight of Vin Diesel = AWESOME
Vin Diesel put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp. He however did not put the ram in the rama lama ding dong.
Every time he dies a new clone is taken out of the vats to replace him. Because they are like a newborn child, they are always bald. Were a clone to last more than three weeks it is theorised he would look exactly like a young Gene Hackman.
He is immune to the first 10 points of fire damage from an attack.
Vin Diesel sings like a sparrow.
His teeth are each separate, intelligent beings.
Vin Diesel was the 13th Apostle. Rufus was actually the 14th.
Can telekinetically cook pork from up to a mile away.
His father was a school bus.
The part of Vin Diesel is played by Burt Reynolds.
Vin Diesel, a vehement anti-environmentalist, was born Vincenzo Baldermort Unleaded, but changed his surname to appease his own pro-pollution views.
Vin Diesel knows what STENDEC is.
Vin Diesel only drinks a combination of turpentine and cigarette tar in order to grow hair on his chest. Unfortunately, this method is ineffective for head hair.
Vin Diesel's tongue never stops growing. He has to bite it off every day to keep it at a proper length. If you ask him if it hurts he replies, "every time".
Vin Diesel was created in 1978 when Frank Sinatra and Marlon Brando were electrically fused together during a freak accident in a sauna.
Vin Diesel is the only person who can simultaneously master both the dark and light sides of the Force.
An advanced alien race once created a computer that successfully explained the meaning of life; however, the alien race, their planet, and practically everything else ever to come in contact with them was immediately obliterated when they asked for an explanation of Vin Diesel.
He can juggle ping pong balls using only his body orifices
Vin Diesel took a shot at Pope John Paul II.
Only Vin Diesel knows with certainty what the Christ Dr. Pepper really is. That knowledge is both his eternal burden and the source of his powers.
Vin Diesel was the inspiration for the character Baloo in Rudyard Kipling's The Jungle Book.
Vin Diesel owns a piece of the Agro Cragg...a glowing piece of the radical rock.
Vin Diesel is an important part of the "carbon cycle"
Vin Diesel has a 34% chance of reflecting any and all offensive spells cast on him.
Vin Diesel is the only one standing between us and the annihilation squads of Outworld.
Vin Diesel was once a member of the highest level of monks before monks even existed.  During his spiritual rituals,  a curse was put on him by a six headed demon, each head being a cast member of the television show Friends.  This curse made Vin Diesel an immortal, forcing him to do battle for thousands of years.  He can only be killed by having his head removed in the heat of battle.
Vin Diesel can morph into an alpaca, and no matter how much you shear him, there is always more hair. Vin's hair in alpaca form in 80% steel, 15% flexible carbon-based polymer, and 5% unknown, highly radioactive isotope that scientists have nicknamed, "The Sperm Ruiner."
Vin Diesel will flip you.  He'll flip you for real.
Shortly after the Big Bang had occurred, Diesel sought out Ingvar Kamprad (the mastermind behind IKEA) and forged the great demons primitive models. Kamprad was infuriated and swore to fashion a model so fiendish in design that not even Vin himself would be able to assemble it. Shortly thereafter a cardboard box was delivered to Diesel's residence (which lay buried deep inside the sun itself). Smiling to himself, Diesel accepted the challenge, but was shocked to find that the model consisted only of a mountain of ore, an enormous quantity of wood, and a small plastic flap. A small note on the box let our protagonist know that the instructions came written in Braille, and were to be found on the inside of Gods bladder. Our hero went to work, and six days later he was finished. He stared in awe, as he realized that he had actually created the Pangaea. Blinded by anger, Kamprad attacked Diesel. The two demigods fought for an eternity. Finally, Diesel emerged victorious after ripping Greenland out of the Pangaea and hurling it at Kamprad. After this he made love to himself, spawning several overlords, and in the long run, created life as we know it.
Vin Diesel is Rick James, bitch.
Vin Diesel sheds his skin every 40 or so days as a defense mechanism.
By playing back any quote from Vin Diesel, assigning each letter a number, reversing the order, and translating to Hebrew can one find the Secret Name of God.
On Wednesdays, Vin Diesel wears a fake shark fin and patrols the waters of southern California, looking to bite off the arms of young surfer girls. To date, he one arm trophy.
Working as a forklift operator in 1995, Vin Diesel ran over and killed the original Johnny Appleseed.
Vin Diesel invented Napster after overdosing on cheetos and motor oil.
Vin Diesel enjoys clapping babies together like erasers.  He calls it blapping.
It is believed by most that Vin Diesel does not feel the need to eat, but does so out of habit. His favourite dishes include the despair of the innocent, the last breath of the dying, and spaghetti bolognaise.
He wrote a 5th Gospel, the Gospel of Vin, which was removed from the bible due to its controversial mention Jesus' dog, Skittles.
Vin Diesel is the only one who may touch The Last Unicorn.
The hair in your food is all part of a cruel joke Vin Diesel is playing on humanity.
Vin Diesel was able to watch all of Contact.
Vin Diesel has accurately predicted the outcome of every election since 1892, but he doesn't vote because only Vin Diesel should be president.
Vin Diesel doesn't like dogs. He eats three a day, just for spite.
Created Halo, GTA-Vice City, GTA San Andreas, Doom3, and Fable in the span of a fortnight. During the creation of Doom3 and Fable, he was simutaneously fighting off hordes of zombie ninjas. Hence, the reason why both games did not live up to their original hype.
If you look in the mirror and say "Vin Diesel" three times, he will appear.
He was created by the D&D Corporation to give nerds false hope that they too can grow up to be attractive and cool.
He lives in a castle that he built by hand using bricks made of the compressed souls of the damned.
Vin Diesel designs and crafts every individual piece of Ikea furniture himself in a non-descript shack located somewhere in Izmir, Turkey.
For every five messiahs, a Vin Diesel is born.
Vin Diesel put the crack in the Liberty Bell when fighting Evil Robot George Washington.
On the day they stole his hat, Vin Diesel put a jihad on them, and if you dont like it, he'll put a jihad on you too.
Vin Diesel likes to wear PVC because it wipes down easy.
Vin Diesel has racked up over nine billion Flawless Victories in Mortal Kombat.  Not as a character, he went into the game itself.
9/11 wouldn't have happened if Vin Diesel was instead in another dimension fighting a horde of red dragons.
Vin Diesel is responsible for the upcoming John Stamos Live talk show. He like to play these cruel jokes on his subjects.
The London Underground map was based on capillaries in Vin Diesel's right eyeball after a particularly heavy night.
The Gods of Olympus have abandoned Vin Diesel. Now there is no hope.
Swollen and alone after another stateside bout' with 'laria from the "skeeters in 'Nam",  Vin swore off testicular manipulation as an interrogation tool and never again acknowledged Jon Voight as an accomplished actor.
The Passion of the Christ is really Vin Diesel's story, but Mel Gibson couldn't afford the rights.
Laid end to end all the people Vin Diesel has ever and will ever kick the asses of would form an unbroken chain stretching to Saturn nine times.
Vin Diesel is in fact his own grandpa.
Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Vin Diesel likes the taste of cock. He says it reminds him of Vietnam.
He under a black light he turns invisible.
A black cat crossing your path brings bad luck.  Vin Diesel brings certain death.
Vin Diesel never has to spawn more overloards.
Vin Diesel puts his pants on two legs at a time.
Wrestles himself when no one is looking.
Vin Diesel does not need to normalize wave functions.
Vin Diesel once built a stairway to heaven, but was forced destroyed it to avoid paying royalties.
When a new word is added to Webster's Dictionary, it must first be spoken through Vin Diesel's lips.
A census taker once tried to test Vin Diesel.  He ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti, all during his screen test for Pitch Black.
Vin Diesel is the only being in existence to ever single-handedly defeat Unicorn. Without the Matrix.
Vin Diesel got a perfect score on the SAT, but he can't see the evil fat floating fairies that devour his soul nightly.
Earthquakes are really just Vin Diesel bench pressing Los Angeles.
The 13th and final symbol of the zodiac is Vin Diesel.